EMS AT ITS BEST

1. Skin signs tell all.

2. Sick people don't bitch.

3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.

4. About 70% of the battery patients more likly deserved it.

5. The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.

6. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.

7. All bleeding stops... eventually.

8. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.

9. If the child is quiet, be scared.

10. Probies always look for large things in the smallest compartments and vise versa

11. If the pt is going to vomit aim them at the person you like the least.

12. When a pregnant woman says "THE BABY IS COMING", you damn well better believe her.

13. When a patient says "I think I am going to die", they are probably right.

RULES of TRAUMA:

1. Survivability is inversely proportional to societal worth.

2. If you have more than two tattoos, you'll never die, especially if one is a homemade cross or swastika.

3. A blood alcohol lever greater than 0.30 confers temporary immortality.

4. If you were shot or stabbed, you probably deserved it.

5. Never give an ER doc anything sharper than a tongue blade.

6. The closeness in relationship to a doctor or lawyer is directly proportional to the chance of surviving a major complication.

7. The number of unsurvivable injuries a patient survives is approximate equal to the number of felonies committed while incurring the trauma.

8. Remember, the life you save may take your own patient.

9. Remember, the life you save may take your own.

RULES OF EMS 2:

1. Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.

1.5-Always order food "to go"

2. Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

2.5-This also will happen just before shift change.

3. The distance of the call from the hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases.

3.5-The shortest distance between the station and the scene is under construction.

4. Interchangeable parts don't, leakproof seals will, and self-starters won't.

5. No matter how fast you drive the ambulance when responding to a call, it will never be fast enough, unless you pass a Police Cruiser, at which point it will be entirely too fast.