"If you turn around and squint, you might be able to see that line I told you not to cross." KEM
"Take your rib back and get off my back!" KEM
"Life sucks when you can't scat." MLN
"We're not monkeys, we're mammals." MJC
"You and your mother are deaf."
"Did you just say I'm the mother of death?" MLJ/KEM
"He's not for marilizing legijuana. Hang on, that wasn't right." KEM
"Have you been smoking some of that marilized legijuana again?"
"Yeah… no, wait, no!" KEM/JMG
"I'm not a fascist, I'm an extortionist, and there's a difference." MLN
"Oh, sorry. I was thinking 'schnitzel with noodles.'"
"So it was… wait, what?"
"Sound of Music. You know, schnitzel with noodles."
"So it was actually schnitzel with speitzel."
"Stop it." JMG/DNF/MLN
"Oh noooooo, it's a giant boooooooob!"
"That heartless bitch!" MLN
"Colleen's going to have a nautical wedding. It'll be very festive, I think." JMG
"I'm drowning!" random drunk guy
"Hey man, I'll trade you this J for your beer, man!" JMG
"Fun with butane." JDC
"It was: 'Now I'm at that critical moment where I need another beer.'" (pause)
"That wasn't it, but it was funny." DNF/CPH
"Cellular division… cannot happen. I've been amazed, since I started teaching… chalk must be really expensive! I'll be back in a few minutes." ACC
"Socrates is pissing me off and Plato is just dumb." JCH
"It's like God came down from heaven and said: 'Here, Meghan…'"
"Give us a kiss." MLN/JMG
"I bet God looks like Sean Connery. Give ush a kish." JMG
"Aw, Meghan! Will you stop putting guns in my toilet?" JMG/KEM
"Fraternities are like the epitome of weird primate behavior." BLK
"Yes, I know why water is retained, I just want to know where it's retained."
"It'd be nice to know where it all comes from." BLK/MLN
"Bend me over." BLK
"Oh, sure. 'Chicago.' Magical mystery place with 'semi-sane people.'" BLK
"I'm not so post-industrial." KEM
"I just know I'm going to say 'Ben Affleck' to some total stranger someday and just start going 'Affleck! Affleck!' and then they'll think I have Tourettes syndrome and I'll be like: 'Excuse me while I twitch.'" MLN
"Can I have another coke?"
"I get off in five minutes."
"Well then, hurry up!" Jeff/JMG
"Ooh, hey guys, look at this. 'King Tut Has A Big Butt.'" MLN
"Eat your pie, fatty." MT
"Give me your lighter." JAW (classic)
"Who wants to live in Texas?"
"Mexicans." KEM/JAW
"I have a great personal attachment to all primates." KEM
"Real men aren't saints." JRN
"The hobo-butler coalition. I see how it is." JMG
"Is it like Superman? Put on the glasses and BOOM! You're Belgian?" MLN
"Every day is Lent for Kevin." MLJ
"Maybe that's how it goes in 'Minnesota', but not here in the good old US of A." KEM
"Can I have joint custody of the cigarette?" JAW
"It's like a disease… super-attentive-ugly-head-rearing-waitress syndrome. AKA the Mike D syndrome." JMG/MLN
"They're like… cargo pants without the cargo!" CPH
"Show us the ear!" KEM/JMG
"Damn, this is cigarette heaven!" random girl re: Rochambo
"You serve me now! I'm ashamed to call you my legs!" KS
"I'd make it, 'cause I'm cheap."
"I'd buy it, 'cause I'm lazy." ALH/CMS
"Just like the KGB, only funnier." MLN
"This country is going to overthrow its own government. I guaran-fucking-tee it." random guy in GW
"The butt has been kicked." MLN
"Meghan, your hand is the chaos theory." ALH
"Too bad we can't break into my church." JMG
"Was I too apathetic to be a poser?" MLN
"Don't butter the ass." ALH
"Those bastards! It's a conspiracy theory!"
"Ohhhh… that's a shame." Random GW guy/MLN
"Wisconsin cheese, license plates, street light, construction light, two chinese hookers, bratwurst, cheese hats, eat lunch, a deWalt…"
"Two chinese hookers? That doesn't really fit."
"I can't even find regular hookers."
"It's a list of things I have to do or buy…"
(hysterical laughter) CPH/JMG/KEM
"Two chinese hookers for every boy… things I never thought I'd say." KEM
"Oh my god!"
"What is it?"
"Oh… never mind. I thought that headline said 'Guns and Butterness.'" JMG/SS
"I think we've found a new X-Man. 'Pilla man."
"Or like a Power Ranger. Like 'Pilla! Pterydactyl.'" AW/VS
"Pardon me, Mr. Projectionist? Yeah, I was just wondering if you could play that movie backwards – excuse me, widdershins, for us. Because it didn't really make any sense." JMG/MLN
"Hi, Janelle, it's Meghan. I just got home a little while ago, and was wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee or something. Just give me a call when you get this, you know my number. Oh, and if you don't understand this message, just play it widdershins and it will all become clear." MLN
"Oh, my god… misrepresentation of witches my ass!! Those are runes!" JMG
"Did you just say 'Hey baby, keep your slut mask on?'" JMG
"I'd be happy if they just poured it down my back." KEM
"Get back here!" MLN
"Well, we were just going to take the bus into the French Quarter-"
"NO!!"