Facts about sexual abuse and suicide.
What is Sexual Abuse???
As a suvivor of sexual abuse (incest) I would like to share with you some important facts about Sexual Abuse. My healing journey is documented in my book 'The Keys to Successful Healing' and through the words in my little book 'Words of Guidance' by Son of White Cloud & the Wise Ones. This little book was my release and a major turning point in my life. I offer these pages now to you and your journey.
.....Love, Light, Laughter & Letting go!...Ann
Remember........
'The courage of one can light the way for thousands'
FORGOTTEN CHILD
Lyrics and Melody by Demian DreamSinger
Forgotten child who lives in fear
Threat of danger always near
Sound of footsteps in the night
A darkened door outlined in light
Pretending sleep, it never works
A hundred sheets won’t hide the hurt
There is no place for you to hide
Another wound another night
In the morning with the rising of the sun
Memories are buried to forget what had been done
You’re not forgotten child
I sing this song for you
Not forgotten child
You’re in everything I do
Forgotten child who lives in fear
Reach out your hand, love is near
Make that wish upon a star
Then tell another who you are
You’ve got to try no matter what
Sometimes once is not enough
I understand the pain in you
Because, precious one, I’ve been there too
But there will come a morning with the rising of the sun
When you find that you are free and you know that you have won
It will come
You’re not forgotten child
I sing this song for you
Not forgotten, child
You’re in everything I do
Never forgotten child
Not until I get to you
Many people believe that Sexual Abuse is just about physical sex, it is not!
Sexual Abuse can be
physical, verbal , emotional, and can include:
* Sexual touching and fondling
* Exposing children to adult
sexual activity or pornographic movies and/ or photographs.
* Having children pose, undress
or perform in a sexual fashion on film or in person.
* "Peeping" into bathrooms
or bedrooms to spy on children.
* Rape or attempted rape.
Facts of Sexual Abuse
* 1 in every 3 girls
and 1 in every 4 guys are abused by the age of 18.
* Almost always the offender
is a Male. He will molest an average of 17 youngsters, most of whom do not
report the offense. The victim is likely to by a boy or girl that the offender
knows.
* Approximately 35% of
women and 20% of men in the US and Australia were victims of sexual abuse as children.
* 85% of child abuse
takes place with a family member or friend in the home.
* Child Sexual abuse is
reported up to 80,000 times a year, but the number of unreported instances
is far greater, because the children are afraid to tell, and the legal
procedure
for validating the episode is difficult.
* Almost all of the children
will be abused by someone they know and trust: a family member, family
friend,
or a caretaker.
* The abuse often begins
gradually (fondling) and increases over time.
* Incestuous behaviour
is not confined to sexual intercourse. Incest can include nudity, disrobing,
genital exposure,
kissing, fondling, digital penetration, and sodomy.
* Incest survives
on secrecy. Most victims feel isolated from the rest of the world. The
effects of incest are
devastating. Short-term ones include behavioral problems, addictions, sexual
promiscuity, and a sudden
drop in grades. Long-term effects include anxiety, chronic depression,
sleep disorders addictions,
low self-esteem, suicidal urges, feelings of isolation, shame and guilt,
and difficulty with sex.
and
relationships.
Feelings
Children who have been
Sexually Abused feel many different and often overwhelming emotions including:
* Fear
- of the abuser
- of causing trouble
- of losing adults important to them
- of being taken away from home
- of being different
* Anger
- at the abuser
- at other adults around them who
didn't protect them
- at themselves (feeling as if they
caused the problem)
* Isolation
- because "something is wrong
with me"
- because they feel alone in their
experience
- because they have trouble talking
about the abuse
* Sadness
- about having something taken from
them
- about losing a part of them
- about growing up too fast
- about being betrayed by someone
they trusted
*Shame
- about being involved in the experience
- about their bodys response to the
abuse
*Guilt
- for not being able to stop the abuse
- for believing they "consented"
to the abuse
- for telling (if they told)
- for keeping the secret (if they
didn't tell)
*Confusion
- because they may still love their
abuser
-because their feelings change all
the time.
What to do if you or
someone you know is abused
*Do's
- Keep Calm
- Tell an adult you feel you can trust
- Believe the Child
- Give positive messages
- Explain
- Listen and answer the child
- Respect
- Be responsible
- Arrange a medical exam
- Get help
* Don'ts
- Panic or over react
- Pressure the child
- Confront the offender
- Blame the child
Behavioural Patterns
* Unusual interest in or avoidance
of all things of a sexual nature
* Fear or dislike of certain
places or people
* Sleep disturbances
* School problems
* Withdrawing from the
family, friends, and unusual activities
* Poor hygiene
* Return to younger, more
babyish behaviour
* Depression
* Anxiety
* Discipline problems
* Running away
* Eating disorders
* Passive or overly pleasing
behaviours
* Delinquent acts
* Low self-esteem
* Self-destructive behaviour
* Hostility or Aggression
* Drug or alcohol problems
* Sexual activity or pregnancy
at an early age
* Suicide attempts
Questions an abused
person may be facing
* How do you feel about
your own sexuality? About Sex?
* How do you feel about
the abuser? Do you feel confusion for loving the abuser?
* Do you feel the abuse was
your fault?
* Do you hate the person
who abused you?
* Do you hate someone you
feel should have protected you?
* Do you believe that there
will be a time in your life when you'll be able to trust again?.....when?
* (Guys) Do you feel that
you may be homosexual because girls don't "turn you on"?
Suicide
* Facts
- Suicides among young people nationwide
have increased dramatically in recent years.
- Suicide is the third leading cause
of death for 15 to 24 year olds.
- Suicide is the sixth leading cause
of death for 5 to 14 year olds!
- Depression and suicidal feelings
are treatable.
(Suicide is a permanent
answer to a temporary problem)
* Signs of possible
suicidal tendencies.
- Change in eating and sleeping patterns.
- Withdrawal from friends, family
and regular activities.
- Depression: Broadly speaking; not
necessarily a diagnosable mental illness such as clinical depression
but depression indicated by signs such as: sadness, hopelessness, irritability
and loss of interest in usual activities..
- Loss of energy
- Changes in appetite, weight, behaviour,
activity levels or sleep patterns.
- Talking, writing or hinting about
suicide
- Recurring suicidal thoughts or fantasies.
- Previous Attempts
- Violent actions, rebellious behaviour
or running away.
- Drug and alcohol abuse or use.
- Unusual neglect of personal appearance.
- Marked personality changes.
- Persistent boredom, difficulty
concentrating, or decline in the quality of schoolwork.
- Frequent complaints about physical
symptoms often related to emotions, such as stomach-aches, headaches,
fatigue, etc.
- Loss of interest in pleasurable
events.
- Not tolerating praise or rewards.
- Complaints of being "rotten
inside".
- Giving verbal hints with statements
such as "I won't be a problem for you much longer", "noting
matters", "It's no use", "I
won't see you again".
- Put his or her affairs in order--
for example, giving away favourite possessions, cleaning his/her room,
throwing away important belongings...etc.
- Becoming suddenly cheerful after
a period of depression.
- "Clearing the air" over
personal incidents in the past.
- Sudden intense interest in personal
wills or life insurance.
Why do people attempt
suicide?
People usually attempt suicide to
block unbearable emotional pain, which
is caused by a wide variety of problems.
It is often a cry for help. A person attempting suicide is often so depressed
that they are unable to see that they have other options: We can help
prevent a tragedy by endeavouring to understand how they feel and helping
them to look for better choices that they could make. Suicidal people
often feel terribly isolated, because they distrust, they may not think
of anyone they can turn to......which furthers the isolation.
* so...what sort of things can contribute
to someone feeling suicidal?
- *Significant changes in:
- - Relationships
- - Well being of self of family members
- - Body image
- - Job, school, university, home, locality
- - Financial situation
- - World environment
- *Significant losses in:
- - Death of a loved one
- - Loss of a valued relationship
- - Loss of self-esteem or personal
expectations
- - Loss of employment
- *Perceived abuse:
- - Physical
- - Emotional/Psychological
- - Sexual
- - Social
- - Neglect
What can be
done?
Suicidal people, like
all of us, need love, understanding and care.
People usually don't ask "are
you feeling so bad that you're thinking about suicide?" directly.
Those contemplating suicide are usually holding in these feelings which will
make the thoughts stronger and increases the feelings of isolation and
increases the likelihood that they may actually make the attempt.
Asking if they are feeling suicidal opens the door for them and can have
the effect that they are given the permission to feel the
way they do....which reduces their isolation and they may feel that someone
is actually listening and cares and can understand how they
are feeling. If someone you know tells you that they feel suicidal, above
all...LISTEN to them. Then listen some more. Tell them "I
don't want you to die". Try to make yourself available to hear about
how they feel, and try to form a "no-suicide contract"
with them. Ask them to promise you that they won't attempt suicide
or anything that would be self destructive until they can contact you or
someone else who can give them some support. Some who may
be able to help could be: a doctor, community health centre, counsellor,
psychologist, social worker, therapist, youth pastor, youth
worker, minister....etc. If they acutely suicidal and won't
talk, you may need to get them to a hospital emergency department or tell
an adult you can trust.
The effects of Suicide
on those left behind
Suicide
is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain
(the survivors), even though people who attempt suicide often think that
no-one cares
about them. In addition to the feelings
of grief normally associated wtih a person's death,
there may be guilt, anger, resentment,
remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The
stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors
to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated.
Survivors
often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and
may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation.
They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about
has chosen to commit suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new
relationships or renewing a relationship with someone who has tried to
commit suicide.
Could this be YOU?
It's
quite likely that some people that read this will one day attempt suicide,
so
here's a quick suicide prevention
exercise: Think of a list of 5 people who you
might talk to if you had no-one else
to turn to, starting with the most preferred person at the top of the list.
Form a "no-suicide contract" with yourself....
promising that if you ever feel suicidal
you will go to each of the people on the
list in turn. And that you will tell
them how you feel; and that if someone didn't listen, you'll just keep
going until you find someone that will. Many who attempt
suicide are so distressed that they
can't see anywhere to turn in the midst of a crisis, so having thought
beforehand and having a list
of people to turn to with a plan of
action could be of great help!
This page will be updated regularly. Also new links are added as they come to hand, to 'My Friends & Favourite Links' page. Please call again to see what's new..
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Links
Journey of Survivors
Stop Child Abuse
Domestic Abuse Link
Email: annwf@mpx.com.au