IN SHORT, SCHOOL SURVEY QUESTION'S A CURLY ONE

AND the survey says.. ba-bow, wrong answer. Yes, that's right, students at Williamstown High School got a rude shock this week when they were asked to fill out a Deakin University survey that asked them highly personal questions like: Are you happy with your body shape? Can you describe your breast development? And do you know the way to San Jose?   Luckily, the good news for concerned parents and teachers was, given that Williamstown High is a State school, none of the students were literate enough to know what the survey was about, and actually though they were filling in registration forms to get preselected for the Liberal seat in Brighton. However, this didn't prevent hundreds of angry parents, shouting and venting their rage - and that was just in the women's draw at Wimbledon. The Education Department also condemned the survey, saying it committed two serious ethical breaches. The first was not seeking parental permission and the second was paying for the whole thing using a government credit card. They also dismissed the university's attempt at blaming the whole thing on the workers at Esso. To be honest, the questionnaire itself seemed doomed from the beginning. For starters, it was 15 pages long, and three of those were just to fit the title, which was The Role of Parents and Peers in Body Image Disturbance in Adolescent Males. After seeing this, most kids decided to wait for the movie, which will be called either 10 Things I Hate About Myself, or I Know What You Ate Last Summer. It was the personal nature and subject matter of the questions that offended parents and students. Things like: Are you satisfied with your hips? "Hmmm, well, they don't shake like Ricky Martin singing Livin' La Vita Loca, but they seem to keep my legs attached to the rest of my body." The question that shocked and disgusted more than any other was: Describe your pubic hair? I mean, what are students meant to say to that? "Well, my pubic hair is a Taurus, and likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain." I'm pretty liberal and even I think these sorts of questions are probably not appropriate for schools. But that doesn't mean we should waste them. No, I suggest they should be recycled and used as questions for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Just imagine the look on the contestant's face when for $1 million, they're asked: "Are you satisfied with your pubic hair?" "Hmmm, I don't know, Eddie ..... can I ring a friend?"