ARE DEATH AND TAXES THE ONLY SURE THINGS IN LIFE?

YES CORINNE GRANT Comedian I HAVE never been sure of anything in my life. I'm not even sure that leg-warmers were ever a smart fashion accessory, that the Spice Girls aren't just New Kids on the Block in drag or, that Michael Jackson is human. I don't think that just because he's nearly 50 and balding, Bruce Willis won't make another action movie. I'm not sure whether John Howard is actually Prime Minister or whether someone gave Ronnie Corbett the country. And with all the Akubra hats he wears, I don't think Tim Fischer even realises he's a politician. He probably reckons he's Molly Meldrum. But I am sure about death and taxes. I just hope that when I die the Tax Office leaves me alone.   NO WIL ANDERSON Comedian THERE are plenty of things other than death and taxes that we can be sure of in life. We can be certain that every year, just before Christmas, at least one member of the Australian cricket team will put out a book. We can be sure that nobody can watch an entire episode of Friends without thinking, "Gee, my friends are crap compared with these guys." We can also be sure that no matter what the weather might be this summer, it will be blamed on El Nino. Too hot, that's El Nino. Too cold, El Nino. Just right, but Goldilocks ate it - El Nino. And finally, we can be just as certain that no two weather forecasters will ever pronounce El Nino the same way.