HE COMES TO ME WITH DARKNESS
He comes to me with darkness, this gentle man, soothing in his very being. Bringing with him those depths of meaning, those wells of self to explore forever.
He knows not what a gift he is, what a joy he carries as he passes by me, tantalizing while warming the core of me. He knows not the strange attractor he is, the self that I see in him, the mysteries and passions.
He believes he shows me the self he fosters… presents to me the power of his achievements, his acquired attributes. He believes he can hide if he chooses, protecting those dark places from my light, carrying me along the currents of his outer life, sheltering his inner self from my glow.
But that darkness yearns for the light, while almost fearing it. It is revealed at times, seeking relief, needing exposure, craving the touch and warmth of the light while fearing the revealing.
That darkness, that passion, that fearsome, awesome part of his being; overwhelming at times. Overwhelming the outer self so carefully nurtured and built; overwhelming others, perhaps, who know and cherish that glorious outer self.
He seeks to protect himself and others, wanting to contribute to well being, not disturb it.
Is it only me that wants his totality? Am I the only one seeking his depths? That cannot be… not this man, this glory, this wonder. The power of his darkness cannot be concealed, not when he is loved. His mystery is in the duality of the darkness and the light that shines from within him… that is the true power of his darkness and the true power of his light.
The struggle to conceal wearies him, a burden he carries from day to day, year to year, life to life. He calls out, now and then, just a little, believing he must not, perhaps. Believing it is his burden alone, not to be imposed on others. Believing he is alone in his duality, his mystery, his passion, his fears.
As the weariness grows, the struggle begins to subside, the effort to conceal and avoid fails and that darkness is revealed but in secret ways. It creeps into his dreaming soul, demanding expression, needing love, afraid of growing too large and powerful in it’s isolation. The darkness fears itself, it would seem. The darkness longs to be part of the whole, acknowledged, used, valued for it’s mystery, even while seeking to be diminished.
Ahhhh… the struggle for unity….. the fear of death of each part….the demand for integration. So hard, so frightening, the feeling of annihilation, the dread of loss.
The darkness demands his attention, becoming a twisted thing, insinuating itself in his every moment when his guard is down. The beauty of a wonderous serpent appearing as a deathly viper, to hold him firmly in it’s grasp, demanding to be seen.
It comes out as fearful images, death, destruction, violence… and even worse, he says. I know not what demons he sees inside, he does not share. But I know they are illusions, a misreading of truth. I have light, I have relief; I offer to share, but the taking of my gift is a slow thing, resisted, avoided.
He fears to harm me, I think; fears to be revealed and lose my love, perhaps. Not realizing what we share, that dark self, that need to expand, become whole. I know my dark side and what it can do, the power it has, the need to restrain it. I know it loses that power, and that fear, when allowed to show itself, to spread it’s wings.
My darkness yearns for his, for that meeting, that blending, that passion and power united and combined. There is no fear in me, just wildness and excitement, a yearning for glory. I think I want to feel that fear, again. I need that fear again. I want to have more of my inner self exposed, brought out, encouraged. Can he be the one? Can we do this together? It is my wish, my deep desire, for I have seen the possibilty in no other for years now. Will he allow me to feed on him? Will he feed on me?
Vampiric images, alien, unhuman, powerful… wanting to meet another in that power. Wanting with my all to be accepted in my depths, wanting him to allow me to accept him. If the darkness is unleashed, released from confinement, it seeks the light, becomes a thing of beauty in it’s passion. And the light is there, in us both; strong, glorious, all encompassing.
Do not allow the darkness to control you, I say to him. Do not hide from it or fear it, for it is but a part of you. It gains power as it is hidden, demanding attention, creating channels into the day so you must pay attention. Love it as I love the totality of you… the fear cannot survive the love; the darkness will not survive the light.
Unleash your darkness on me, meet mine. Let them rise together to be consumed in the brightness of exposure to the day, to the light, to love, to god.
