THE DAYS PASS BY

Wondering
Wondering why I wait
So passive, so powerless
So unnatural, these feelings
Feelings that want to control me
Feelings that need to feed
My past their food, their frenzy
Holding me as tightly as I allow
And, knowing no other way
I allow, oh how I allow
My tainted self, mind not whole
Unable to reason my way through
The times, the troubles, the trials

Feeling
Feeling out of control
So frustrated, so frenzied
With no way to express it all
My mind in a whirl of activity
But activity without a center
No goal, no purpose, rootless
Aimless, revolving, wandering
My body, unused, dragging behind
An anchor to this reality
A reality I need to change
A reality holding me back
Stagnant, almost dead, so still

Dreaming
Dreams near impossible
So unlikely, so huge, so far away
Refusing to leave completely
No matter how unlikely they may be
Living for the future, a someday
Isn't this the nature of hope?
Avoiding the awkward now
Refusing to bow down to life
Refusing to accept now as all
All that every has been and will be
Unacceptable, inconceivable, disallowable
But then I realize I am hiding

Hiding
From the now that is mine
So awkward, so tired, so slow
A world with clear limits discovered
Limits that bind the body, the brain
Hiding in my illusions of a better time
Unwilling to deal with this reality
Limits that seem so firmly defined
That I might as well give up
Change, so crucial, so slow, so hard
Struggles that seem to no avail
But they accrue, a someday result
A foundation for my hopes and dreams

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