THE SHORT STORIES IN HERE ARE
This is a story of a young lady, you may know her, you may even be reading this; and saying to yourself, "THIS IS ME." Anyways, let us name her Jessie.
Jessie is just like everybody else in the world, she grew up with a mom, a dad and a brother. She had two sets of grandparents; unfortunately one set died when she was at an early age. One thing that was unique about Jessie is she has a disability that caused her to have numerous operations. Jessie's mom and dad worked outside the home, most of the time leaving Jessie and her brother, either at a babysitters or grandparents house.
Jessie's dad, when he was home, was an occasional drinker. He had a short temper, and use to put Jessie down often, which also caused some emotional pain. When Jessie went to her Grandparents, she was treated like a Princess. At least, she thought she was. Her Grandpa paid alot of attention to her, only when she would do things that he wanted her to do. See, her Grandpa would touch her in ways that were inappropriate for a child at the age of eight.
As she became older, she began to realize that Grandpa was sexually abusing her. Jessie knew that she had to do something about this; but of course, she was scared. Jessie did try telling one of her girlfriends, who told her Mom and their Mom told Jessie's Dad. He was raging with anger, because he couldn't imagine that his little girl was being abused by his own father.
Jessie's Dad confronted his Dad numerous of times, but unfortunately that didn't help, because she was still being abused. One day when she was at school, Jessie broke down in tears. Her teacher came over to see what was wrong. All she could do was cry. When Jessie finally settled down, she began to tell her teacher what was going on. Her teacher immediately called Social Services and the detectives. That's when all chaos broke. Detective meeting, Attorney appointments, counseling and courts. You name it.
The sad thing about it all was Jessie never took care of her anger and pain. She buried it so deep, even Jesus couldn't get to her at first.
At this time, Jessie was going to a Wednesday night function at a church called A.W.A.N.S. . A year later, Jessie was talking to one of her adult friends at church. Her name was Theresa. Theresa was telling Jessie about Jesus and how He came to earth as a baby to grow up and go around to teach about his father, who had devised a plan for us. And what it meant to follow his commands. Theresa also told Jessie that Jesus loved her so much that he suffered twice as much as she did. And that he died for her sins on the cross. I'm not quite sure when Jessie decided to ask Jesus in her heart, but she did. Now, at that time, Jessie thought that her life was going to be full of joy and happiness. Wrong. As years passed by, Jessie went to an Assembly of God Church. She was baptized in the Holy Spirit. Water baptized, and filled with the Spirit. Yet, something was missing.
Jessie started to get depressed. And was close to attempting suicide a couple of times. Jessie walked away from God and got mixed up in some worldly things. She started to drink occassionally. She found a boyfriend who just wanted one thing and one thing only. And of course Jessie gave it to him. Jessie then found herself getting angry and started to let her anger out in an aggressive way, making her out of control. Abusing her boyfriend in a physical way.
At this time in Jessie's life, she was in so much pain and bitterness, she thought of God as a "Billy Club God", not as a caring and loving God, like God had always been. Jessie wanted so much to let go and give it to God, but just couldn't, because her pain was so deeply buried.
One unexpected day, Jessie went over to Kandy's house, one of her friends from church. Jessie told Kandy everything that was going on. Everything from her abuse to her sins.
Jessie wanted so much to let go of her anger toward herself. The pain from her abuse and the hurt she caused others to feel. Jessie knew that she couldn't do this by herself and for some reason God knew that Jessie couldn't do it either and put a friend there with her.
As Jessie started to pray and ask God to forgive her, God told her to keep going, that he would never leave her and that he loved her so much. At this time, spiritual warfare began and Jessie told Satan to get lost, and he did.
Jesus kept Jessie focused and told her how much he loved her continuously and made the promise, that he would never leave her. He also promised that this was the last time Jessie had to talk about her sexual abuse because Jesus was going to set her free.
Jessie could see Jesus throughout the whole night. Leaping and jumping for joy for her. Jesus kept his promise and took Jessie through each painful event.
As Jessie gave everything, Jesus took all the pain, bitterness, and guilt away and set Jessie free.
He can do the same thing for you too. Jessie learned that God wasn't that "Billy Club God". He was a caring, understanding and a loving heavenly father.
Jessie also learned that Jesus's love for her was much greater than anybody elses in the whole world.
And Jesus loves you too, so very much.
Yes, I can say as I awoke from the night I stayed awake watching a movie that moved me to write this.
As I headed back to bed so early this morning. I wept so, for my heart ached I cried out Daddy, where are you? Where is my so called earthly father? and Why Granddaddy?
There are atleast two significant men in our our lives and sometimes more, that will hurt us.
A daddy that will continuesely put us down, hit us, harm us in anyway this will destroy our ego. Why though? How could someone do this? Could it be pure hurt and anger from their own childhood; and that may drive them to alchohol which they know not what they do, and that alone can tear a child to pieces. The anger and pain of an adult-child.
Then there is a Granddaddy that just loves his granddaughter so much.... That he pays so much extra attention to her that he still tears her to pieces. How could a man do such a thing to such an innocent little girl; especially somebody that is 7 years old to 14 years old. Does not deserve to be used as an adult, Especially when you have a disability on top of that.
The hurt and anger is too much turmoil to pick up from a single human being.
So what about Daddy that was never there and what about the Granddaddy that payes so much extra attention?
So where are you Daddy?
Then from out of no where, a voice from my heavenly daddy says "Here I am," Come to me child, Let me hold you, and pick up your pieces of your hurt, and give you a heart of Love and Forgiveness, For none of your Childhood pain is your Fault. Let me comfort you and counsel you, and be your new Daddy, For there is one promise I give you: MY LOVE FOR YOU IS MUCH GREATER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WHOLE WORLD!!!!!
I feel like my heart has fell and broke to pieces
It fell to the ground and broke to a million pieces
A puzzle that can't be put together Because pieces are scattered...
For the only way this heart will be put together is the !!!!MASTERS GREAT HAND!!!!
Oh what a day that will be when we walk thru those gates Oh what a day I say When we look into that face
The pain and suffering will be gone The tears will be wiped away and Those that will be judged will be sent where they're suppose to be sent
Oh what a day that will be when we walk thru those gates Oh what a day I say When we look into that face
Are you ready? For when that day comes Are you I say Because I don't want to see any one of you left behind!!!!
My Other Links To My Other Pages
BREAKING MY SILENCE
ABOUT TRACY RAE
