Dealing With Depression

For almost 4 years I lived in depression. I’m not an open person and I kept it too myself. I put on a fake smile with my friends but deep down I was dying. My close friends noticed, but I would always tell them I was fine.

One day, while sitting at home alone, I felt like I just couldn’t go on. Tears poured out of my eyes as I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I stared at it forever; it seemed to be an end to all the pain. And when you feel like I did, that’s all you want for the pain to end. But I couldn’t go through with it. I put the knife down and retired to my room.

That wasn’t the last time I thought about suicide. The second time, I sat down and wrote a note to my loved ones. I had a cord in my hand for I planned to hang myself. Just then my sister walked in. I tried to hide my tears but I know she saw them. She didn’t say anything. She just walked over and hugged me.

That year I thought I was getting better. I didn’t feel as down and now I had a new boyfriend, but at around 4 months we started going though hard times. I found my self more depressed then ever before. I don’t know what happened but I couldn’t control it. It wasn’t because of him, although he had some part in it. I was dying to get away from him, but I couldn’t I was trapped. About 1 week before Christmas I tried to kill myself. I took a bottle of aspirin and I took all the pills that were left. I don’t even remember how many I took. I wrote a quick goodbye note and got into my bed. I got a headache and honestly wanted to die. At that moment, I didn’t want to die anymore. I got scared and cuddled up into a little ball.

I woke up the next morning, the sun was shinning on my face, and I felt this great joy to be alive. I got ready for school. I realized that I needed help before anything else happened. I wrote a letter to my good friend explaining what has happened. She ran up to me during lunch with this horrified look on her face. She wrapped her arms around me.

The first thing I did was dump my loser boyfriend. I started to feel better, but then I started having more problems, with school, with home. I met this really great guy; he made me so happy, I fell completely in love with him. And I thought to myself “my life is finally picking up” but that ended when he broke up with me. He had used me! I felt like complete shit, the guy I loved had used me. Then my depression came rushing back. I told my best friend Jay and he helped me out a lot. He was like my personal therapist. Months past and I started to feel better. Than one day… we were all playing pool and I was with some of my good friends, it hit me. My depression just disappeared at that moment. I can’t explain it but for one I was happy to be alive. All I could do was smile. I ran up to Jay and gave him a big hug.

I’ve pretty much been happy ever since; I’ve had my moments so does everyone. I’m with a great guy right now. Who loves me very much. He’s helped me out with a lot of things. I’m stable now.

If you find you are dealing with depression, don’t keep it in. I almost lost my life because I did that. Tell someone and get help. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. I've been there and know what your going through.



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