Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel - Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig. (21)

They watched a gorilla scratching its head that looked remarkably like Dudley. (26)

“They stuff people’s heads down the toilets the first day at Stonewall,” he told Harry. “Want to come upstairs and practice?”
“No, thanks,” said Harry. “The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick.” (32)

“I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter.... after all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things - terrible, yes, but great.” (79)

“I’m not Fred, I’m George,” said the boy. “Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother. Can’t you tell I’m George?”
“Sorry, George, dear.”
“Only joking. I am Fred.” (92)

“If I get one more owl telling me you’ve - you’ve blown up a toilet or -”
“Blown up a toilet? We’ve never blown up a toilet.”
“Great idea, though, thanks, Mum.” (96)

“Could I borrow Wood for a moment?”
Wood? Harry thought, bewildered; was Wood a cane she was going to use on him? (150)

Hermione was now refusing to speak to Harry and Ron, but she was such a bossy know-it-all that they just saw this as an added bonus. (164)

“The Weasleys are more than a match for the Bludgers - I mean, they’re a pair of human Bludgers themselves.” (169)

He bent down and pulled his want out of the troll’s nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
“Urgh - troll boogers.”
He wiped it on the troll’s trousers. (177)

“You forget that dog an’ what it’s guardin’, that’s between Professor Dumbledore and Nicholas Flamel.”
“Aha!” said Harry, “so there’s someone named Nicholas Flamel involved, is there?”
Hagrid looked furious with himself. (193)

“You haven’t got a letter on yours,” George observed. “I suppose she thinks you don’t forget your name. But we’re not stupid. We know we’re called Gred and Forge.” (102)

“You’re in luck, Weasley! Potter’s obviously spotted some money on the ground.” (223)

“Hagrid, you live in a wooden house.” (233)

Harry suddenly turned to Ron.
“Charlie,” he said.
“You’re losing it, too,” said Ron. “I’m Ron, remember?” (236)

“SO WHAT?” Harry shouted. “Don’t you understand? If Snape gets a hold of the Stone, Voldemort’s coming back! Haven’t you heard what it’s like when he was trying to take over? There won’t be any Hogwarts to get expelled from! He’ll flatten it and turn it into a school for the Dark Arts! Losing points doesn’t matter any more, can’t you see? D’you think he think he’ll leave and your families alone if Gryffindor wins the house cup? If I get caught before I get the Stone, well, I’ll have to go back to the Dursley’s and wait for Voldemort to find me there, it’s only dying a bit later than I would have, because I’m never going over to the Dark Side! I’m going through that trapdoor tonight and nothing you say is going to stop me! Voldemort killed my parents remember?” (270)

“I know what this is - it’s Devil Snare!”
“Oh, I’m so glad we know what it’s called, that’s a great help!” (277)

“So light a fire!” Harry choked.
“Yes - of course - but there’s no wood!” Hermione cried, wringing her hands.
“HAVE YOU GONE MAD?” Ron bellowed. “ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?” (278)

“ ‘There’s no wood,’ honestly.” (278)

Ron went speeding in the direction that Harry was pointing, crashed into the ceiling, and nearly fell off his broom. (280)

Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,
Two of us will help you, whichever you would find,
One among us seven will let you move ahead,
Another will transport the drinker back instead,
Two among our number hold only nettle wine,
Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line,
Choose, unless you wish to stay here forever more,
To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:
First, however slyly the poison tries to hide,
You will always find some on nettle wine’s left side;
Second, different are those who stand at either end,
But if you would move onward, neither is your friend;
Third, as you see clearly, all are different size,
Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides;
Fourth, the second left and second on the right
Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight. (285)

“Yes, Severus does seem the type doesn’t he? So useful to have him swooping around like an overgrown bat.” (288)

“What happened between and Quirrel in the dungeon, so naturally the whole school knows. I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for sending you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you. Madam Pomfrey, however, felt it might not be very hygienic and confiscated it.” (296)

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” (297)

“I was unfortunate enough in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one and since then I’m afraid I’ve rather lost my liking for them - but I think I’ll be safe with a nice toffee, don’t you?”
He smiled and popped the golden-brown bean in his mouth. Then he choked and said, “Alas! Ear wax!” (301)

“I should be chucked out an’ made ter live as a Muggle!” (303)

“They don’t know we’re not allowed to use magic at home. I’m going to have a lot of fun with Dudley this summer...” (309)