Of course, this didn't set well with my mother.My dropping out up-set her tremendously, as did my coming out, and my sister's coming out really messed with her even more.I,being the youngest and still at home(a new one in a better neighborhood)felt that I needed independence, but my fear of responsibility and Social Anxiety Disorder kept me from getting a job and moving out.
Perhaps this was a good thing.One night, about 6 months after having dropped out,I was driving home from visiting my friend Pat Sulak in the dorms and suddenly felt very afraid and alone.I remember a voice talking to me in the car,but don't remember what it said.I only know it wasn't a voice in my head...it was a visitation, preparing me for something.When I got home, I went into the den and found my mother watching T.V.She herself had many experiences like this, premonitions and that sort of thing.While I was telling her about the experience, a ring of smoke from her cigarette floated up and went over her head, hovering there like a halo.I was freaked, and told her I was worried about her. She said nothing.A few nights later she and my father and I heard and then saw a hoot-owl in the back-yard, and my father said"My mama always used to say that a hoot-owl means someone is gonna die."We just stared out the back-door,looking up at that owl.
One morning some weeks later, I woke up as my mother came running into my room, screaming my name.Just like that, she crumpled to the floor, dead from a heart-attack.I couldn't believe it. As the days passed, I came to realize that this would be the worst pain I would ever feel.
