"For a thousand years I wielded the powers of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure ofthe lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe! And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. A mortal child. And I'm flunking math."
-Anya

"The Watcher Council shrink is heavy into tests. He's got tests for everything. T.A.T.s, Rorschach, associative logic... He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or you ever wanted to be a florist." -Buffy
"Oh, I used to want... Wait. Florist means crazy, right? I never wanted to do that." -Willow

"I'm gonna hit the pool and do some laps." -Buffy
"How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sort of naturally buff, Buff?" (giggles) "Buff buff." -Willow
"Well, they've got us running around on the physical side, too. A lot of reflex evaluation and precision training, you know. I just... Well, I wanna do..." -Buffy
"Better than Faith?" -Willow
"So very shallow." -Buffy
"Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you'll definitely ace her on the psych tests. Just don't mark the box that says, 'I sometimes like to kill people.'" -Willow

"As far as I'm concerned, this is a marriage made in heaven. Willow Rosenberg, despite her unsavory associations, represents the pinnacle of academic achievement at Sunnydale High. Percy West represents a devastating fast break and 50% from behind the three-point line." -Principal Snyder
"I'm not sure I understand the marriage part." -Willow
"You've got the brains, he's got the fast break. It's a perfect match." -Principal Snyder
"Match? You want us to breed?" -Willow
"I want you to tutor him." -Principal Snyder

"So he threatened you? With what?" -Buffy
"Well, it wasn't exactly anything he said. It was all in his eyes. I mean, there was some nostril work as well, but mostly eyes." -Willow

"Faith, uh," (catching his breath) "did quite well on the obstacle field." -Wesley, panting heavily
"Do you feel up to taking Buffy out, or shall I?" -Giles
"Oh, no, no, no. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute. And some defibrillators, if it's not too much trouble." -Wesley, still winded
"You're gonna love it, B. It's just like fun, only boring." -Faith

"No Slayer of mine is gonna live in a fleabag hotel! That place has a very unsavory reputation. There are immoral liaisons going on there." -Mayor Wilkins
"Yeah, plus all the screwing." -Faith

"'Old Reliable'? Yeah, great. There's a sexy nickname." -Willow
"Will, I didn't mean it as..." -Buffy
"No, it's fine. I'm 'Old Reliable.'" -Willow
"She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals!" -Xander
"That's Old Faithful." -Willow
"Isn't that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot..." -Xander
"That's Old Yeller!" -Willow
"Xander, I beg you not to help me." -Buffy

"Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me."
-Willow

(Buffy arrives at the Bronze where Xander is trying to take in the "new" Willow-who is actually a Willow from an alternate reality.)
"Oh, there you are!" -Buffy, seeing Xander and Vamp Willow
"Hey, Buff." -Xander
"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your..." (recognizes Willow) "Holy God, you're Willow!" -Buffy
"You." -Vampire Willow, angrily
"You know what? I like the look. It's, um...it's, it's extreme, but it, it looks good, you know, it's a leather thing, and, uh...I said extreme already, right?" -Buffy

(Buffy and Xander tell Giles that Willow has been turned into a vampire.)
"She was truly the finest of all of us." -Giles
"Way better than me." -Xander
"Much, much better." -Giles

"Will, we saw you at the Bronze. A vampire." -Xander
"I'm not a vampire!" -Willow
"You are. I mean, you, you were... Um, Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?" -Buffy
"Well, uh... something...something very strange is happening." -Giles
"Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?" -Xander, sarcastically

(Dingoes Ate My Baby is playing at the Bronze.)
"Man, we need a roadie. Other bands have roadies." -Devon
"Well, other bands know more than three chords. Your professional bands can play up to six, sometimes seven completely different chords." -Oz
"That's just, like, fruity jazz bands." -Devon

"It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix. As far as we know." -Buffy
"Oh, right. Me and Oz play 'Mistress of Pain' every night." -Willow, sarcastically
"Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?" -Xander

"Well, look at me. I'm all...fuzzy." -Vampire Willow, on seeing Willow
"What do I want with you?" -Willow

"It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay." -Willow
"Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was." -Buffy, reassuringly
"Well, actually..." (rethinks his comment) "That's a good point." -Angel

(Willow dresses as Vampire Willow to save the people at the Bronze.)
"It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe." (looking down at her chest) "Gosh, look at those!" -Willow

"This world's no fun." -Vampire Willow
"You noticed that, too?" -Willow

"I just can't kill her." -Willow
"No. Me, neither." -Buffy
"I mean, I know she's not me. We have a big nothing in common, but... still." -Willow
"There but for the grace of getting bit." -Buffy

"You wanna go out tonight?" -Buffy
"Strangely, I feel like staying at home...and doing my homework...and flossing...and dying a virgin." -Willow
"You know, you can O.D. on virtue." -Buffy



Season Three
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