Buffy shook her head, trying to clear it, and immediately got a headache. Well, she thought to herself sarcastically, that's what happens when you shake your head with a concussion. "Can the grisly destruction wait until I've had a cup of coffee?" she pleaded. Then she noticed the empty coffee pot and sighed. "Well, no time like the present, I guess." She turned to look at the laptop over Willow's shoulder. "'Apocalyptic Fire Falls on Los Angeles.' Great. Think it's the First?" Buffy closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "Any more good news?"

"Well, yes, actually," Giles said from the kitchen doorway. "They seem to have had…ah…flocks of sparrows dropping dead, and an unusual amount of, ah, abnormal deaths."

"Oh good. And we're out of coffee. The day just keeps getting better." She walked to the coffee pot and rinsed it out. She was just putting coffee grounds in when she suddenly thought of Angel. "Oh, god…do you think Angel knows? Does he know about the First?"

"Well," Giles said, taking his glasses off and polishing them nervously, "I'm not sure it would do him much good. We certainly don't know how to affect it, I very much doubt that he does."

"Well, we've got to warn him, then!"

"Buffy, must I remind you that you're needed here? You're the Slayer. You will be the last if the First has its way. We need you here to work and to research. If you want to take the war to the First, you need to be here, where it is."

"Unfailing logic, as always, Giles," Buffy conceded. "But we have to get hold of him somehow. I can't just leave him hanging in the middle of…" she searched for a word and finally pointed at the laptop-"of that!" She turned away, thinking of Spike and Annabelle. "I can't lose anyone else."

"Well, I know I'm famed for living in the middle ages, but perhaps you could try the telephone?" Giles asked with a half-smile.

Buffy brightened. "Yeah, a phone. Good one, Giles!" She went into the living room to get some privacy, but Molly was sleeping restlessly on the couch. "And I thought it was crowded before," Buffy muttered. She turned around and walked back into the kitchen. Giles and Willow discussed the carnage in Los Angeles as Buffy called information.

"Yes, yes, umm…Angel Investigations, please." She paused as the operator asked her what city. "Los Angeles," she replied, frustrated. She rolled her eyes as she was put on hold. "Hence the calling Los Angeles information…"

"I'm sorry, that number is temporarily out of service. The Los Angeles area is difficult to get through to right now." The operator had obviously said this a million times. She droned on in a monotone. "If you have the first and last name of the individual you are trying to reach, there is a website set up during this state of emergency-"

"Cordelia Chase."

"I'm sorry?"

"Could you try a Cordelia Chase in the Los Angeles area, please?"

There was a short pause on the line. "There are twelve Cordelia Chases' in the Los Angeles area. Can you be more specific."

"The one who works at Angel Investigations!"

"Ma'am this is a state of emergency. We need to keep the lines free. If you have the first and last name of the individual you are trying to reach, there is a-"

"A website, I know!" She hung up the phone in frustration. "That's not going to help me."

There was more than one reason she wanted to see Angel, though she didn't want to admit it. Yes, she needed to warn him about the First, but there was more. It wasn't that she loved him, though some part of her still did, and always would. It was that she needed someone who was her equal, someone who would understand that she didn't always feel strong enough to fight the good fight, to battle the unknown hordes, and work a day job and take care of her sister. She needed someone who understood the responsibilities, at least to some degree. Angel would, more than anyone in Sunnydale. Here, they all needed her to be the strength, even Giles, who she had once counted on. They needed the Slayer, a pillar of strength and all things good. For sanity's sake, she needed to see Angel. If he was still there. If the apocalyptic nightmare that was encasing Los Angeles hadn't already swallowed him. Her stomach felt suddenly heavy, and she was suddenly light-headed.

All eyes were on her as she collapsed into a kitchen chair across from Willow. She could feel them burning into her and it was all she could do to keep from crying, or yelling. They were her friends, and her responsibility. She didn't want to alarm them. She laughed suddenly at the thought. Can't alarm the little ones when the end is coming…

"Buffy?" Willow asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Will, I'm okay." Buffy lifted her head from her hands and rubbed her face vigorously. "I'm gonna head upstairs for a few. I'll be back soon. After all," she said with a grimace, "we have a war to plan."

She headed up the stairs, wondering how she was going to do this. She knew she would only have to be away one night, but the uber vamp was still out there. What was it Giles had called it? A turokan. Mr. Turokan was out there somewhere, and he'd be visiting come sundown. If the house came down around her friends while she was gone…well, that just wouldn't happen.

She burst down the stairs and nearly collided with Xander as he opened the front door, his arms filled with grocery bags. "Buffy, aren't you looking-" he reevaluated the determination on her face and finished slowly. "-chipper?"

"Hi Xander," she said. She walked into the kitchen and he followed her, setting the bags on the table. Dawn and Molly sat bleary-eyed at the table, each nursing a cup of coffee…and the coffee pot was empty again. Buffy shook her head

"I have to go. Only-" she spoke over the questions and protests, drowning them out. "Only for tonight. I'll be back tomorrow. In the meantime, you guys need to protect yourselves. Get crosses. Cover them in garlic and holy water and have them blessed. Crosses do work, right Giles?" she asked suddenly.

"Um, well, yes, somewhat. This vampire is not as concerned with pain. A burn will not stop him. We'll need to do some major damage to keep him from hurting us."

"And the invitation thing? Can we count on that to hold?" Buffy had a feeling she didn't want to hear the answer.

"I-I'm not quite sure." Giles cleaned his glasses again and slid them on. "It's been so long since a Turokan was freed that I…I can't remember." It obviously hurt him to admit it.

Buffy took a big breath, hoping she wasn't making a huge mistake. Was it really worth it to leave them alone like this? It was vital that someone warn Angel, but was she going for the wrong reasons? Would she live to regret it? Would her friends? "Well, stock up on big crossbow bolts. Everyone get hold of one and get in some practice while there's still light outside. This guy is quick and strong. You'll need to work together to defeat him. No one is to leave the house after sundown. For any reason. At all. I'll be back as soon as I can. For right now, Dawn, Kennedy and Molly, you guys come with me."

Molly and Kennedy had had some training, but Buffy was working against a very fast clock and found herself frustrated by their lack of speed and fluidity. She had almost forgotten what it had been like to start fighting like this. Finally, she stuck to the basics. What would hurt the most with the least finesse. After a few hours, she was able to get the two slayers in training and her sister working together fairly smoothly.

"Remember," she warned them again before she left, "do not leave the house. Not for anything. Be prepared and keep everyone together. I'll be back as soon as I can."

***

Buffy took Giles' car, driving faster and faster towards Los Angeles. She could almost feel the sun setting, and her unease grew. She knew she had to do this, but she was afraid of what her friends and charges might be facing without her.

She took a deep breath. She had prepared them as much as she could. There was no way she could leave Angel to the First's mercy again, not if there was a way to warn him. There was no way around it. She couldn't be in two places at once.

Buffy began seeing walkers as she approached the city. They were leaving in droves, most with only the clothes on their backs, terror clear in their expressions. The roads were pitted and riddled with abandoned vehicles as she arrived in the city. A few blocks from Angel Investigations, Buffy had to leave the car behind or chance losing it in a smoldering crater.

Fires burned on either side of the street as she walked the last few blocks. It was eerily quiet without the noises of traffic. A few people struggled past her, but they were the stragglers. Most had left already.

The old hotel building seemed to have borne the brunt of the damage for the block. Buffy had to use all her strength to force the door open, and even so, she could only squeeze through. Plaster had fallen from the ceiling and the steps up the edge of the grand room were cracked and crumbling. "Angel?" Buffy called quietly. It was obscenely loud in the desolation. A block of plaster tumbled down in front of her and she jumped back at the thunderous boom.

She choked on the dust, coughing and holding her sides until the dust cloud settled, leaving the same eerie stillness behind. Buffy had a sudden sense of insignificance. In this huge building, in this huge city, she was one tiny little Slayer, insignificant in the face of such thorough destruction.

"Buffy?"

She turned toward the voice, and it was Angel, standing only a few feet away, disbelief and puzzlement clear on his face.

"Hi," she said inadequately, not knowing what to say.

"Are you-" he seemed just as lost as she was. "Why are you here? Has something happened?"

She laughed. There was nothing else to do. She laughed until tears ran down her face and she had to sit in the rubble and dust to keep from falling over. She laughed until her sides ached and her head hurt again. Had something happened? What hadn't happened? What hadn't changed since she'd seen him last?

Angel was kneeling next to her; a lost look on his face as he reached out to try to help, but wasn't sure what to do.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Buffy said, trying to pull herself together. "I'm okay." She giggled, and stifled it quickly, knowing if she started again she might never stop. "I'm okay." She was able to keep a straight face this time, though she wanted to scream to the world how not okay she really was.

"Buffy." He said her name with awe, and sadness.

"Yeah. I'm here." She looked around her and it hit her all again, how still and silent and devastated the building…the city was. "It's all ending, Angel. It's kind of funny, really. Just when I want to live again, it's all ending." She looked into his eyes and saw her own horror reflected there. "Have you seen it?" She asked, not even sure what she was asking.

"It's a demon," he said. "At least, he's the instrument. He killed…so many people, Buffy. We tried to stop him, but even with warning…" he shook his head. "There was nothing we could do. He called the fire. He started it all."

"The First is in Sunnydale," Buffy told him. "I thought maybe it was causing this, too. It's killing all the slayers in training, and it's come for me. I…I always knew that the retirement plan sucked with this job…but I…I thought I'd go out doing something, stopping something…" She laughed. "I always thought I'd be the big hero," she said sarcastically. "And now I've skipped out on my friends to tell you about the First when that isn't even the problem here. So many people lost or dead…Tara, Spike, and Annabelle…" She stared at the broken stairway.

"Spike? Annabelle?"

Buffy laughed again. "Everything's changed, Angel. Everything. Tara died and Willow tried to end the world…Spike got a soul and was helping us, until the First drove him to kill…it's all so strange. Annabelle was one of three slayers in training that Giles brought to Sunnydale. For me to protect. And here I am, so not protecting."

"You can't do everything, Buffy," he said, his eyes haunted. She knew that he understood, because he didn't believe what he was saying, either.

"What happened?" she asked. "Who have you lost?"

His face crumpled and she touched his cheek, speaking softly. "I know you won't believe me, because I wouldn't either…but you can't take responsibility for the world. We can only do so much."

"It's not enough." His voice was muffled.

"It never is."

They sat in silence and Buffy curled into Angel, pressing herself against him just to feel the weight of another body. It had been so long since she'd been able to lean on someone. He wrapped his arms around her slowly and buried his head into her shoulder.

"We could sit here and watch the world burn around us," Buffy said softly.

"We could," he agreed. He kissed her hair softly and for a moment she wanted everything back the way it had been, before he left, before Giles left, before Willow had come into her magic, before Spike had gained a soul…before it had become complicated and so, so painful.

"I miss you, Angel. I miss what it was like."

"It's never simple, Buffy. You have to take the good with the bad. When you had me, you had Angelus. When you had Giles, you had the Watcher's Council. It's never easy for a Slayer."

She smiled bitterly. "Or a vampire with a soul."

"Yeah. But if you don't fight through it…"

"What's the point?" she asked bitterly.

He shook his head slowly. "How do you know what side you're on?"

Buffy smiled sadly. "So we fight, huh?"

"Was there ever a real choice?"

She shrugged. "Not really. The First has someone I…care about. I can't let it win. Not without doing everything I can to stop it. Even if I don't really know what it is. Or what it can do."

"All we can do is fight, Buffy. That seems to be what we were made for. Happy endings…it's all fairy tales. It's just the good fight for us."

"Love?" Buffy asked softly, wondering as she said it if she was getting too personal.

His face was bitter for a moment before he blanked it out. "We were never meant for love. The Powers That Be have made that very clear. The Champions cannot love." He met her eyes and his expression was suddenly tender. "Maybe one day, they'll make an exception for you, Buffy. I know you deserve it." He kissed her suddenly, tenderly, gently caressing her lips with his, and she could feel the warmth of friendship there, but that was all. There was someone else for him…someone that he couldn't have, and she hurt for him.

She drew away slowly, her lips tingling and a tear poised on her eyelashes. She wiped it away before he could see. "You too," was all she said.

"Go, save your friend," Angel said. "There's no other option."

"You're right," she said, feeling the strength of his conviction. She spoke softly to him as they got up. "Good luck. I hope…I hope you find what you're looking for."

"Thanks," he said, and the look in his eyes was dark and dangerous.

Buffy turned to leave.

"Buffy!" Angel called to her and she turned back to him. "I hope--I hope he does better by you than I did."

She opened her mouth to respond, but by the time she thought of something to say, he was gone. With all her options gone, she turned resolutely and started back to her car. She had meant what she said about the war. Now she had the conviction to go behind it. She had nothing to lose. She was going to save Spike, defeat the First and train a new Slayer…and who knew what the possibilities were after that?

The End