ULTIMO: Mititoko a buru nitti den Wednesday Night Odditorium! Mitiku!
NSYNC: We here, of N*Sync would just like to take this moment to say hello to all of the gorgeous ladies out there.
AUDIENCE: Aaw! We love you, John!
HARDCORE SYKES versus JUSTIN COHERENT
Creed’s “My Own Prison” plays, and out comes Hardcore Sykes, having a large audience pop. He waives his kendo stick in the air and shouts, and the audience shouts back. He runs into the ring, and then, “Tourettes” by Nirvana plays, and out comes ½ of Clear and Present Danger, Justin Coherent. The fans boo and throw popcorn at him, and a wet hot dog hits him in the eye. Sykes seizes the opportunity, and runs at Coherent, smashing him down with a JUMPING INVERTED DDT! Sykes picks up Coherent, who’s still rubbing his eye from the hot dog, and hits a SIT-DOWN TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Sykes picks up Coherent yet again by the hair, and points off the entry stage, down an entire eighteen feet to a singular table below. Crowd cheering, yelling, and on their feet, Sykes gets Justin Coherent up, and hits the biggest SYKES CITY BOMB that anyone’s ever seen – eighteen feet of air – through a table! Sykes kisses his elbow and then takes a mighty jump, which lands a perfect flying elbow drop onto Coherent. The ref counts 1… 2… 3.
Winner: HARDCORE SYKES.
NSYNC: You know, we've seen a lot of amazing, hardcore guys, but ladies, the only TRUE hardcore guys in Heartson City tonight are us. We are... N*Sy --
ULTIMO: Urtimo Dragron!
AUDIENCE: Boo! Get that damn chink out of here!
ULTIMO: Notoko Urtimo Dragron?
THE JACK versus "THE KAOTIC KRIPPLER" KYLE KINZERLY
The Jack walks down to the ring. The lights dim slightly and his theme music plays. Fans boo him as he makes his way down to the ring. He slowly climbs into the ring nearly falling off the ring apron as he tries to climb in. He stands in the middle of the ring looking very angry that his music hasn't played. Suddenly "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit begins to blare over the loud speaker. Most of the crowd cheers for him. A few look off into space seeming not to care about this match. KKKK runs down to the ring and slides in. He is about to run at the Jack but suddenly the Jack extends a hand of freindship. He looks sincere about it and KKKK looks a bit puzzled. He looks around at the crowd who is ranting and raving for KKKK to kick the Jack's ass. KKKK reaches out his hand. Suddenly KKKK pulls the Jack straight into a mighty clothesline that shakes the ring and sends the Jack flipping to the ground. KKKK continues on the attack. He picks the Jack up and lifts him up for what looks like a suplex. He drops the Jack on the top rope making the Jack wail in pain. KKKK climbs to the top rope. He signals to the crowd for the impending finisher KRIPPLED FOR LIFE. KKKK picks up Jack nails him with a brainbuster off the top rope. The Jack lies motionless in the center of the ring. KKKK waltzes over and steps on the chest of the Jack for the easy 1 2 3.
Winner: "THE KAOTIC KRIPPLER" KYLE KINZERLY.
NSYNC: You know something, Ultimo, we feel that although you're Vietnamese and smell like degenerative fish eggs, we think you're a pretty cool guy. After this next match, we'd like to give you the chance to groove with us!
AUDIENCE: Oh! That's so sweet! N*Sync are so nice that they actually help out those less funky and cool than they are! I love them so much!
DIABLO versus THE NEW ENFORCER TRAVIS CASH
The lights in the arena suddenly go out. "Tales from the Crypt Keeper" begins to play over the loudspeaker. A monster of a man begins to walk down the entrance way. He is dressed in all black. A few cameras flash and some lighters light sending a trickle of light throughout the arena. Smoke begins to pour into the ring as Diablo makes his way into the ring. He stands in the middle of the ring with his head down awaiting his opponent. AC/DC's "Hell's Bells" begins to play. Necommer Travis Cash makes his way down to the ring. The crowd reacts little to his appearance. He runs to the ring and slides under the bottom rope. He runs right at Diablo and tries to take him down with a clothesline. Diablo does not budge from his position and his head still hangs down. Cash turns around and runs full steam into the ropes to gain momentum. Cash runs right into Diablo again with another clothesline. Again Diablo does not move and does not look up. Cash is getting annoyed at this and slaps Diablo across the face. Now Diablo looks up. He stares a hole right into Cash. Diablo reaches forward and grabs Cash by the throat. He lifts Cash up with the greatest of ease and slams cash down in the center of the ring with a mighty CHOKESLAM. Cash lies in the center of the ring. His legs twitch slightly. Diablo reaches down and folds Cash's arms over his chest. He keeps one hand on Cash's chest and picks up the easy victory with the 1 2 3 in an evil darkness pin.
Winner: DIABLO.
NSYNC: Come on, Ultimo! Let's get down!
ULTIMO: Urtimo no gret drown drown, moochietoka!
N*Sync try pulling Ultimo out of his seat, but he remains stubborn. They try grabbing him by the arm, but Ultimo simply doesn't want to go.
IWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS OF THE WORLD
THE ELITE versus ROCK VEGAS and POLARIS
After Rage Against the machine's music and the entrance by the Elite. To the ring heads Polaris but not with his partner Rock Vegas. their two sides clash but their works are deadly, together they can form a formidable team and have a shot at the gold. But who knows how well they will work? Rock Vegas then comes down to the ramp he doesn't waste his time with any celebration or anything he just dives in the ring with Polaris and gets ready for some action.
The Elite start off with immediate double teaming action, Justin Miracle grabs Polaris and Shawn Marshall grabs Rock Vegas, the two men whip their opponents face first into each other then run at the mess with two clotheslines. Polaris and Vegas go down hard, both men of The Elite go for a cover, 1..2. Polaris and Vegas get their arms up. Polaris knees Justin Miracle in his mid section then follows up with a swinging neckbreaker. The other men go to their corners as Polaris goes to the middle rope of the turnbuckle. He cheers then jumps off in a guillotine leg drop. he connects beautifully with the face of Justin the Miracle maker. Polaris then leans over and tags in Rock Vegas. Polaris stays in the ring and holds Justin Miracle by his arm. Rock Vegas goes up top then ax handle drops right at the connection in the shoulder blade to the arm. Polaris then goes to his corner and on the apron, Rock Vegas whips Justin Miracle off the ropes, he attempts a clothesline, but Justin Miracle dives under his arm to behind him, he then spins Vegas around to face him. He grabs Vegas by his head then nails him with a falling front neckbreaker. Justin Miracle runs over and makes the well needed tag to his partner Mr. Showtime. Showtime runs in, but Vegas makes a tag too. Polaris runs to Mr. Showtime, Mr. Showtime runs to Polaris. Two clotheslines and both men go down. Vegas lies down on the apron hurt bad from his damage and Justin Miracle starts yelling to Showtime to make the tag. After quite some time Polaris starts to get to his feet. Polaris grabs Showtime before he is ready and hits him in the DARK HORIZON DDT. The fans cheer and it looks like it is time for new tag team champions. Polaris goes up to the very top of the turnbuckle and calls for the POLAR EXPRESS, but on the outside of the ring Alexis grabs the tag titles. She throws one to Justin Miracle at the apron. Justin Miracle nails Polaris in his back, knocking the man from the turnbuckle to the mat. Mr. Showtime sees his chance and rolls over on top of Polaris for the pin. Rock Vegas witnessing this all going down on the outside, finally tries to dive in and stop the cover, but Alexis gets up on the apron and with the other tag belt hits Vegas over the top of his head when he runs over for the save! The referee not noticing any of the illegal objects slides over for the pin, 1…2…3. The Elite retain their belts with a little help.
Winners: THE ELITE.
NSYNC: Do you wanna get down? Do you wanna get funky? Do you wanna get down... yeah, girl, yeah!
Ultimo slaps himself in the forehead.
ULTIMO: Grubinaski, hirodo. Miro Joe, votato finskla! Finskla!
But what's this? The arena has suddenly turned dark! Someone's in the ring, and beating up on N*Sync! It looks like a tribal African of some sort! Oh my goodness - he just did a fallaway slam into a piledriver onto Frank! N*Sync is trying to show what wonderful and manly men they are, but this strange newcomer just put one into two snap DDTs and then a brainbuster! Aah! What is this madness? N*Sync scatter from the ring quicker than the tag team of X-Pac and Shane McMahon, their heads bloodied and their preppy faces all messed up. But no - this can't be right! One of the IWF's new logos is "Who's going to die tonight?" N*Sync must die by the end of the night! We would be defying protocol! The boy band runs into the back, holding each other's asses in fear.
IWF KICK ASS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD
KODIAK versus BLAZE.
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" plays, and out comes Kodiak, much to the delight of the fans. Kodiak runs into the ring, and the lights turn from blue to red, as the burning B in the center of the OddTron comes up, and flames burst everywhere. Blaze comes out, looking as mean as ever, and runs into the ring, hitting Kodiak with a SPINNING HEEL KICK without waiting for the bell. The fiery one picks up the frosty one, and hits an EVENFLOW DDT on the champ. Kodiak looks to be in a bad situation here. Blaze picks up the pained Kodiak and goes for a HURRICARRANA, but the champ reverses into a huge sit-down powerbomb! Both members are out! The ref starts counting... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... but they both get up! Kodiak grabs Blaze quickly and goes for the BEARHUG, but is elbowed in the head several times. Blaze flips over the champ, and hits a GERMAN SUPLEX, and then points to a turnbuckle for his finisher, as the crowd boos him. He sets up Kodiak, and hits none other than the FLAME ON! He goes for the cover! We could have a new champion here! 1... 2... but no! The referee was pulled out! Who is that? Oh no! Polaris just hit the ref with a FROZEN BLOOD! Polaris gets up onto the apron, and hits the POLAR EXPRESS on Blaze, who's still waiting for the three! Polaris spits on both men, and places Kodiak on top of Blaze. But what's this? Rock Vegas, apparently pissed about losing the Tag Team Title match because of Polaris runs in and hits a SIN CITY SUPLEX on the man of a thousand insults! Polaris and Rock roll out of the ring and fight on the outside. The ref gets back in, and counts 1... 2... 3! Damn it! Blaze would have been the champion!
Winner: KODIAK.
Backstage, the OddTron comes up with an image of the bloody prissy boys, N*Sync, who look very paranoid.
NSYNC: We, N*Sync, the greatest band of all time in the entire world --
AUDIENCE: Yaay!
NSYNC: -- would like to announce that we will be of the first guest announcers not to die - WE WILL LIVE FOREVER!
They start to sing.
NSYNC: We will live forever... only through your heart! Only through your heart! Only through... your heaaaaaaart! Thank you very much, that song was dedicated to --
Shards of the door burst open as a large axe of some king busts through, and the face of Commissioner Peg Legged Pete bursts through.
PLP: Aargh! Heeeeeeere's Petey!
NYSNC: Aaaahhhhh!!
PLP: You whelps don't get it - it's company policy that someone ANNOYING dies each night! We have to kill you!
N*Sync runs away as the OddTron plays the § symbol, and the crowd cheers.
IWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD ELIMINATION MATCH
STRATUS versus DAZZMOND versus AL KOHOLIK versus KILLER INSTINX KC KORNELL
Stratus is already in the ring with Shirlene. Rammstein's "Du Hast" plays, and out drives Dazzmond with Mica in his white Mercedes. He parks the car and hops out, and into the ring, posing but getting heavy boos. Then, "Got Beer?" plays, and out hobbles Al Koholik, who makes his way happily to the ring without tripping once. Finally, Godsmack's "Keep Away" hits, and out comes former EHW North American Champ, Killer Instinx KC Kornell, still wearing the belt! He walks slowly to the ring. The bell rings, and they four split up into groups of two, Dazzmond and Stratus going at is, KC and Al fighting. Each person is bashing each other in the head. Stratus takes Dazzmond down with a powerslam, but Dazzmond takes Strat down with a scissor sweep. KC has just been suplexed by Al Koholik, but landed a low blow. Kornell picks up Koholik and hits the mighty KORNELL KICK on him! He goes for the cover... 1... 2... 3! Al Koholik has been eliminated! Now there are only three champions! Stratus and KIKC decide to team up for a moment, and whip Dazzmond into the ropes, but the Dazz comes back with a might U-BOAT! He goes for the cover on Stratus, gets 1... 2... but no! He's pulled off! Who is that? Oh my Lord! That's the THE HUMAN GRIZZLY GEORGE STEVENS! What the hell is he doing here! He picks up Stratus, his former best friend, and hits the larges ROAR OF THE GRIZZLY DDT that he's ever done, and Stratus is busted wide open. Dazzmond goes up to THG and starts trash-talking him, but Stevens isn't standing for any crap. He picks up Dazzmond, hits a body press slam, bench presses the German six times, and then dumps his body onto that of Stratus. The ref counts 1... 2... 3! Stratus has been eliminated due to his former friend! THG screwed Strat out of the IWF title! Dazzmond stands up wearily, and looks at the scene of Stevens and Stratus who are brawling on the outside, and looks pissed, but looks surprised when Kornell sneaks up from behind and htis a KILLER SUPLEX! Kornell plays to the crowd, and shouts at them.
KIKC: Trust your instincts! It's the only way you will... SURVIVE!
The crowd knows he's about to go for his finisher! But what's this? Kornell just suddenly grabbed his nuts! Why did he do that? He could have had this thing won! Oh! It was Country Mike! Mike must have hit the TRUE CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL on the unsuspecting Killer Instinx! Kornell gets covered by the midget, and although Mike isn't a part of the match, the ref is an idiot, so he counts 1... 2... 3! KC Kornell has just been eliminated... BY COUNTRY MIKE! Dazzmond goes up to the top turnbuckle, and hits a SIMPLY DAZZLING onto the midget! Dazzmond is going for the Techno-Drop, plain and simple. But what is this? Justin Coherent just came out and nailed Dazz in the back of the head with a toaster! He picks up Mike and puts him onto the turnbuckle, from which Country Mike goes into the BARNYARD BOMB! Mike gets the cover... 1... 2... 3! The new Heavyweight Champion of the World is... Country Mike?
Winner: COUNTRY MIKE.
Backstage, President Joe, Commissioner Pete, the mysterious tribal African, and Ultimo Dragon are chasing the stupid boy band, N*Sync, with a various assortment of weapons. N*Sync are running, screaming like little pansy girls, holding their nipples. The last shot that we get is that of Joe.
JOE: The asses must die! The asses must die!
