Mystic Mad Cut Gee's Mysterious Horoscopes...

Welcome to the Mystic Page with "totallty qualified" Dr.MCG and her apprentice in the astrological arts novice monk of the Order of Fried Objects-Aben Zin.Find out what's in store for you in this mysterious journey through the pathways of the Heavens,the gateways of spirituality,the milestone of knowledge and the soft squidgy thing of incomprehension-----The truth is in the stars,and the back of my maths textbook.Go forth and seek...

Star Signs

• Aries:(March21-April19)Hurrah for liposuction!
• Taurus:(April20-May20)You will be incredibly good-looking if you are born on the 13 of May and have the initials A.B,if not you're an ugly bastard.
• Gemini:(May21-June21)Beware of the lesser spotted Aben Zin
• Cancer: (June 22--July 22)You know what you have to do...
• Leo: (July 23--Aug. 22)Japanese cartoons will bring you luck today if you remember the magic words-I choose you!
• Virgo: (Aug. 23--Sept. 22)Don't worry they're not out to get you,WE ARE
• Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)If cheese attacks you this month don't be afraid-it's only stilton
• Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21)Your lucky colour this month is pink.Wear it and be proud.
• Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21)Marrows will bring you...marrow stew
• Capricorn: (Dec. 22--Jan. 19)Your star sign prediction will be wrong this month-don't read it.
• Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)You will be fantastic in everything you do if you were born on the 28 of January and have the initials M.C.G, if not then you're a bit of a thicko aren't you?
• Pisces: (Feb. 19--March 20) Give up graffitti-you suck.

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