FU: WELCOME EVERYBODY!! WE ARE LIVE AT THE THOMAS & MACK ARENA IN LAS VEGAS, NEVADA!! I am your host tonight, Frank Underwood. And my partner is...
BS: Billy Studworth, damn I swear Undies, if you're gonna announce at that pace, we're gonna be here all night!
FU: Hey don't start this up Billy! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight, pitting the greats from the FWF and XWA! Man o' man, what a show we are gonna have tonight!!!
KILBROCK vs. FLYING SCOTSMAN
Red and white pyros hit the entrance and "For Those About to Rock" hits the PA. A few seconds later KilBrock appears on the ramp. He stares down the fans as he approaches the ring. The fans boo and are tossing their drinks at him. He reaches the ring apron and somersaults himself into the ring and rests in the far ring corner.
FU: Wow! What an entrance! Billy, this guy means business!
Of course he means business, Undies. But what the hell are these people doin'? KilBrock ain't thirsty, hell he probably won't even work up a sweat!!
At the top of the ramp appears a small scottish marching band. They are playing Scotland's national anthem. Trailing behind the band is "The Flying Scotsman".
FU: Check it out, Billy! Here comes the Flying Scotsman. Man he looks determined. All the fans are reaching out to him, but his stare is fixed on KilBrock!
BS: Who are these skirts in front of him? Does Scotty need these geezers to help whoop KilBrock?
FU: Will you shut-up! The Flying Scotsman does not need any help dealin' with your KilBrock!!
BS: DAMN! I was just curious...hey look!! KilBrock has had enough of them bagpipes!!
What the?!? KilBrock has just dove into the scottish band. All hell is breakin' loose!! The Flying Scotsman is moving his fellow countrymen out of the way, making his way to KilBrock!! Holy Blarney Stones, this one is under way!! FS grabs Brock and slaps him with a high knee to the face. Brock gets up and reaches to sling FS into the ring, but FS reverses it and swings Brock into the ring steps!!
BS: What is that red headed freak doin?!? KilBrock was just tryin' to help that fat bastard into the ring!!
FU: That wasn't even funny, Studworth!
BS: You're tellin' me he could have seriously injured KilBrock!
FU: Oh brother, back to the action FS picks up Brock from the floor and...whoa, Brock throw an undercut chop to the throat of FS! Brock tosses the choking FS into the ring! Brock tosses FS into the ropes and hits him with a back elbow drop. Oh come on does Brock really have to stomp on FS like that?
BS: Hey Undies, he's just showin' the fat bastard his version of the "RIVER DANCE"!!
FU: Where do you get this fat bastard thing? Oh look FS rolled out from Brock's elbow drop! FS rolls back and puts Brock in a small package. 1..kickout! They both get up and FS does a standing dropkick, sending Brock into the corner. FS charges and spears the dazed Brock. Brock falls to the mat...hey who is this coming down the ramp?
BS: Hey that's the legendary Spanish Fly!! It's a shame he wasn't invited to this event!
FU: Spanish Fly? Back to the action, FS takes Brock to the top rope...HOLY SHAMROCKS!! FS is setting up the Top Rope Suplex!!! OH MY GOD he took it to the floor outside the ring and nailed it!!!
BS: Yea but he nailed poor lil' Spanish Fly in the process!! That dirty fat bastard!!
FU: That guy shouldn't have even been out here! All three are out, the count is beginning..1..2..3..4..5..6..FS gets up..7..he picks up Brock..8..and he rolls Brock into the ring. FS once again picks up Brock..WHAT!?!?!
BS: YEA!! OUT OF NOWHERE!! KILBROCK SNAPS THE KILBREAKER ON THE FAT BASTARD!! 1..2..3!!
FU: Damn what a move!! KilBrock is the winner!! How can you top this? This match should have been booked as the main event!! These two athletes really put it on the line tonight!!
BS: What KilBrock had this one in his back pocket. But you are right for once, any match with KilBrock is a main eventer!!
DANTE vs. BIG COUNTRY
"Gangster of Love" hits the PA. Big Country comes runnin' down the ramp hi-fiving the fans as he reaches the ring.
BS: Oh damn! When did we start lettin' these hick fans start competin' in these events?!?
FU: Billy, do you mind, that's none other than the leader of the Rough Riders, BIG COUNTRY!!br>
"SIC" hits the PA. The red and white pyros shoot off near the entrance. Dante comes charging down the ramp, flipping off the fans as he heads for the ring.
FU: Hey there's no need for those gestures!
BS: What are you cryin' about? He's just wavin' to his fans!
FU: Country reaches out to shake the hand of Dante. HOLY COW PADDIES!! Dante just took a cheap shot and kicked Country in the gut!!
BS: Cheap shot, didn't you see that big jackass try to take Dante's head off?
FU: Billy please! Back to the action, Dante is really taking control from the get go! Dante rebounds off the ropes and nails Country with a hurricarana! The big guy is layed out on the mat!
BS: Help! The big hick has fallen and he can't get up!! Now that's what I call cow-tippin'!
FU: Dante takes to the ropes again and lands a somersault leg-drop, WOW! Country looks out of it! Dante goes for the cover 1..2..NO! Country presses the masked wrestler off of him. Dante looks at Country and...oh man, does he have to flip him off!
BS: He's just checkin' to see if that big redneck is alright, Undies! OH NOO!! That hick just reached up and grabbed Dante by the neck!! LET GO OF HIM!! Doesn't he realize he's chokin' Dante?!? That's cheating!!
FU: Oh yea, like you know all about the rules, Billy!! Country gets up still holding Dante by the neck. Country slams Dante into the corner, stunning the masked freak!! HOLY PITCHFORKS!!! Country just charged Dante and hit him with the SILVER BULLET!! Country makes the cover 1..2..3!! Country wins!!
BS: Hey what is that big redneck doin' now? He's grabbin' an illegal foreign object out of his overalls!! Somebody stop him!
FU: That's a bar of soap! HAA, look at this! He's washin' out Dante's mouth with it, way to go Country!!
BS: Way to go? That redneck oughta be banned for life!!
FU: Well, that makes the score, one for XWA, and one for FWF!
BS: You mean KilBrock's match wasn't worth two points.
Frank Underwood sighs and drops his head in his hands, while Billy Studworth looks puzzled.
CHAD LINUS vs. RAZOR CRAIG
The pryos shoot off once again as the next match begins. Razor Craig makes his way down to the ring as the girls along ringside are screaming for his attention. Razor ignores them and slides under the ropes and lays against the corner post. The American Anthem blasts though the PA and down the ramp comes Chad Linus carrying the American Flag.
BS: What is this Charlie Brown reject doin'? This guy is tryin' to get a cheap pop from the crowd by wavin' that flag around! He doesn't stand a chance against the teenage hearthrob, RAZOR CRAIG!!
FU: Chad Linus is a proven athlete in the XWA!
BS: Yea right!! Proven he's worthless!! Ok, way to kickstart this match! Razor runs up and bulldogs the Peanuts! There you go Razor don't let up on that thumb sucker!!
FU: QUIT IT!!! Let me call this, Razor has just flat out taken advantage of Linus before the bell was even rung! GOOD GOD!!! He just won't let up on Linus! He is just pounding away on him! HOLY DISPOSABLE SHAVERS!! LINUS IS BLEEDING!! Why doesn't Razor try a wrestling move instead of just makin' this a bloody slugfest!?!?
It's obvious, Peanuts doesn't wanna wrestle he' just layin' there! Wow, I can see how Razor got his name. Those fists could slice a turkey...well like what he's do right now!!
FU: Somebody stop this bloodbath!!
BS: Oh crap..it looks like ya got your wish...BUT LOOK!!! RAZOR HAS URANUS PROPPED ON HIS BACK!! OHH YEA BABY!! THE RAZOR'S EDGE!!! THE MAN JUST COVERED YOUR HERO FOR THE 3-COUNT!!!
FU: That was a gross display of violence we just witnessed. Razor should be reprimanded for his actions. Well that makes FWF-2 and XWA-1!!
BS: It should be tied.
FU: Don't you have to go to the bathroom or somethin'?
Mmmm no, but I could sure use a beer! HEY BEER MAN!!!
HAMMER vs. JUSTIN SANE
Green and white pyros fill the entrance and Eye of the Tiger hits the PA. Fans explode as HAMMER comes down the rampway hi-fiving his fans. The ovation for the prized athlete stands for close to three minutes drowning out the entrance of Justin Sane. The dark figure makes his way to the ring and climbs over the top rope and nails Hammer from behind who was still soaking up his fan's crazed ovation.
FU: DAMN!! Sane couldn't wait to get his shot on Hammer!
BS: Well that lil' Hamhock fella is just damned rude! I can understand Justin Sane's reasoning!
FU: Sane is just pounding away on Hammer's backside. Hammer is draped across the top rope! Oh he looks beat! Sane plays to the crowd and they start to boo him!
BS: These fans don't know a true champion when they see one, geez! Boy this beer sure hits the spot, but there's somethin' missin' though!
FU: What your actually drinking on the job?!? Back to the action, Sane drops back on the far ropes and charges Hammer, who is still laid out on the ropes...HOLY STUDNAILS!! Hammer pulled down the top rope, sending Sane over and onto the floor. Hammer climbs the top corner post and drops a flying elbow on Sane down below! Hammer picks up Sane and...wait a sec he's laying Sane across our table!!!
BS: Hey doesn't this pinhead no which way the ring is!?!? Where is goin' now?
Hammer is getting back up on the top corner post! HOLY BUILDER'S SQUARE!! HAMMER'S MOTIONING FOR THE 450 SPLASH!!!
The two announcers evacuate the set. Studworth grabs his beer as Hammer executes his finisher splattering the table leaving Sane unconcious for the count.
FU: WOW!! HAMMER WINS!! HAMMER WINS!!
BS: I SAVED THE BEER!! I SAVED THE BEER!!
JUSTIN ADAZE vs. GREEN DRAGON
As the crew sets up another table for the two announcers the lights go dim and a funky smoke comes out and mystifies the crowd.
FU: Here he comes! It's The Toked One!! Justin Adaze with Olive Indigo!! Adaze has made it clear that this would be his last match in the squared circle!
BS: Well can you blame the guy? He's lost all his brain cells and probably doesn't know where he is!
FU: Hey Billy, what is that stuff Olive and Adaze are tossing out to the fans?
BS: WHAT!?! Those are baggies, Undies!!! YOO-HOO!! OVER HERE YOU DEAD-HEAD SHROOM FREAK, OVER HERE!!
FU: Sit down Billy!
BS: What, that's what is missing with this beer, Undies!
Hush here comes Green Dragon...what is this? Dragon is stumbling down the ramp. Billy he's passed out on the ramp!! Look Adaze has gone out and...HOLY WEEDWACKERS!! He covers Green Dragon out on the ramp. This match never got off the ground!
BS: Yea that lil' Dragon's head was lost in the clouds for this one! Your winner the Stoner..Justin Adaze!! Well that makes it FWF-2, XWA-4!!
FU: Four!?! For the last time KilBrock's match is only worth 1 point!! Hey was just handed this special report...well it looks like the Hell's Assassin vs. Slayer match had taken back stage. There was no coverage on it, but it is reported to us that Hell's Assassin got the pin. That makes it 3-3, a tie...don't say it, Billy!
ADAM DAVIS vs TEXAS LONGHORN
The lights go out in the arena momentarily then they shoot back on showing Davis in the center of the ring and Billy Studworth tokin' away on one of The Toked One's remaining buds left behind. Not waiting for his entrance the Texas Longhorn charges the ring.
FU: Will you put that away! Wow the tall Texan means business! He is just all in Davis's face! He's jawin' and pointin' at Davis, and Davis is just smiling back at the enraged Texas Longhorn! Whoa, he just pushed Davis..nothing!
BS: Of course Davis is scared, he doesn't want none of this big Texan!!
FU: Davis just holds his arms out to the side as to challence TL. TL shoves Davis again...but HOLY SHADOWS!! As he does Davis just slapped the CULT FOLLOWING on the Texan. He covers for the 3.. it's over Davis wins!
BS: OH DAMN IT!! Aren't we payin' the bills around here?!? The lights went out again! Whew there they came back on! Oh-oh that Davis geek disappeared with that big cowboy! You know when the Texan wakes up Davis will be in a whole heap of trouble!!
MASON STORM vs THE ONE
FU: Get ready everybody this is the match we have waited for all night the MAIN EVENT between FWF's The One against XWA's Mason Storm!! The score tonight is XWA-4 and the FWF has 3!!
BS: Hey, pipe-down Undies! Here comes The One! Whoa mama! Look at the hoochie mammas comin' down the ramp with him!! Whoo-hoo!!
FU: Put your eyes back in their sockets Billy!! The crowd is goin' crazy!! The One is playin' to the crowd..but hey it's not The One they're crazy about it's those skanky women with him!!
BS: Bite your tounge Undies!! Those are well respected ladies of the night!! YOO-HOO!! WHAT WILL A TWENTY GET ME?!?!
FU: Will you put that away? That will only get you a night in Las Vegas's finest!
BS: The Chicken Ranch?? YEAHAA!! YOO-HOO!! OVER HEAR!!
FU: Sit down, Billy!! Here comes Mason Storm!! By the look on his face he looks like he's ready for business!!
BS: Yea? Well with that look he better go back to the lil' boy's room to handle that kinda business!!
FU: Storm has jumped over the top rope and the crowd is going wild here in the Thomas and Mack Arena!! The referee is discussin' the rules to the two competitors. The ref backs up..and there goes the bell!! The One throws an overhand hook, but Storm blocks it and delivers a punch to the ribs of The One!!
BS: LOW BLOW!! LOW BLOW!! OVER HERE, LADIES, LOW BLOW!!
FU: Damn it Billy!! Where did we find you?!? Mason reaches for The One...whoa The One throws a forearm into Storm's rocks!! Storm doubles over as The One gets back to his feet and begins to pound away on the back of Mason Storm!! The One picks up Storm and...HOLY HUMPERS!! The One applies a swinging neckbreaker on Storm!! The One picks up the dazed Storm and slings him into the ropes. Mason rebounds off the ropes and...WHOA, The One hits Mason with a spinning back kick to the face of Mason Storm!! Oh it figures The One is playin' to the crowd and his hoochies are blowin' kisses!
BS: You know it's great to be adored by beautiful women, speakin' from my personal experiences. Hey, watch out One!! Mason is gettin' up!! OH NO MASON IS GONNA TAKE A CHEAP SHOT!!
FU: Mason taps the shoulder of The One. The One turns around and looks shocked. The One punches Mason in the face then underhooks the arm of Mason. The One tries to hip-toss Storm but Storm locks it up and grabs The One by the back of the head and slams The One's face into his knee!! HOLY HAILBRICKS!! Mason Storm just dropped The One in the EYE OF THE STORM!! 1..2..3!! Mason Storm makes the pin!! XWA WINS 6-3!! What a night!! Mason heads for the lockerrooms...and The One's hoochies are following him!! Hey where are you going Billy!?!?
BS: I-I gotta catch up with my new buddy, Mason Storm!! What more could you ask for tonight? Sex, drugs, booze, and violence, WHOO-HOO!! Goodnight everybody!! VIVAAA LAS VEGAS!!
FU: Well for Billy Studworth, I am Frank Underwood saying goodnight from Las Vegas! I hope you enjoyed tonight's show, and stay tuned for more events from the Interfed Show!! Good night, Sweet Prince!!