October 15th, 2002

Tired of me already? Well blame it on the worst RAW in recent history… when you see something that’s really good, you have to run out and tell the world about it. But by the same token, when you see something that sucks huge hairy monkey balls, well I have to climb on top of my soapbox and pick it apart. My first victim for the day is….

Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Yes, my lovely HHH… I do love him, nothing will ever change that but right now, HHH the wrestler sucks… Stephanie McMahon… was that mean? Evil? So what? We had to sit through RAW last night… that was eviiiiiiiiiiiil! And damn it, I want my two hours back.
Yes yes, I could have changed the channel and watched something else… I know that. But I took a bet against reason and hoped there would be something worthwhile on it… I was disappointed and I hate being disappointed. Hunter’s performance last night and for the past couple of months has been really really sucky and the reason why that is because he doesn’t have a top face that can match him as top heel. Every time he’s put up against someone who can outwrestle and outtalk him, Helmsley gets a crushing win, pushing back the possible main face eventer into the mid-carder section.
Am I sore about the fact that his choice of a bedroom partner is helping him stay on top through unfair means? You betcha! A great heel rises and stays on top by having a great face to work off of. And in order for a face to work his way to a main event level, he has to win a few matches against the main heel. When was the last time a face RAW wrestler got a few wins off Mr. Trips? Yeah… not in a long, long while, right? Because God forbids he might lose a belt! No sir… with the help of slick Ric, who frankly should be helping out a younger heel who needs the help, Hunter is cheating his way out of every match… because what? He can’t win by himself? Oh come on… a few screw jobs here and there, that makes a heel. Screw jobs all the time makes a piss poor champion… a really piss poor champion…
My idea for a HHH feud? Well, I say revive a once great feud. There is one man on the WWE roster who got the belt off HHH. The same man can also outtalk HHH. One man has the cojones to take him on and kick his ass from here to next Monday night: Y2J, Chris Jericho. Yeah, it’s probably an unpopular choice but this guy could work as a reluctant face to trash HHH. And if so many people in the roster hate his guts and Ric’s, use them against them. Form a face alliance against all the RAW heels. Truth be told, I think that Y2J would need a partner to take on HHH. A partner who could work circles around Ric’s devious mind and come out smelling like a rose. I initially thought Trish Stratus. She could give Ric’s chauvinistic playboy ego a run for its money and with her exposure to Vince McMahon last year, she might have picked up a thing or two about the business but then again, she’s got a hot feud with Victoria coming up and there’s no good reason to mess with that. Then I had a look at the column I had written late last night and it struck me: Simba… the Giant Killer… Shane Brandon McMahon…
Think about it… Shane is the only McMahon who can get on a wrestling show and make his involvement seem worthwhile. He has taken some mad bumps, has worked his way around the business enough to give old Ric a run for his money. And who knows, he might even have some leftover resentment for HHH about the way he divorced his sister. Not bloody likely but whoever said the McMahons were a functional family unit? And can you imagine the way Shane could work as a locker room leader against Bischoff? Come on, tell me that would be a bad idea… tell me it would be a rotten idea?
Basically, I want to bring HHH down… it’s one of those crazy twisted desires brought about by the loss of his facial hair. He seems to be returning to the Hunter Hearst Helmsley of old, that prissy aristocrat who walked around with a cane. And with Flair running around to do his bidding, I get flashbacks of another blonde who ran around to do his bidding… Sable anyone? But seriously though, Helmsley needs an edge… Flair is good but he’s not a sharp enough edge, not for a man known as the Cerebral Assassin… the Game… Once HHH gets that edge back, I’ll be happy to cheer him on, face or heel.
Anyhow, that was another edition of my Canadian Loonie… two in less than twenty-four hours and if that doesn’t scare you… how about the fact that I already have something in mind for the next edition of this column? Look forward to hearing my opinion of the Undertaker… smell the violent bashing…

Anyhow, that’s my Canadian Loonie… nothing guarantees that I am right… but it is my loonie…
Later, Kat

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