March 15, 2001

Chapters, downtown Montreal

In seven minutes, I am going to go up the escalator and get Chyna, the Ninth, and, in my humble opinion, ULTIMATE, Wonder of the World, to sign a couple of books for me and a good friend of mine. I was hoping I'd be able to get her to sign two of my stories but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I'm still going to try though. What can I say, I'm a fuckin' Jedi. (For those unfamiliar with The Empire Strikes Back, my bad.)
With music from Vol. 5 playing in the background, the stage is set. Fans using the language of Shakespeare mix with those parlant la langue de Molière, trading stories and rumors about who they love the most and why. I hear some of the bookstore's customers whisper, watch them point and I'm past caring. How many of them will get to meet their heroes? Don't get me wrong, as much as I admire Ms. Laurer, she is one of many heroes, first on the list my grandmothers and parents. But she is one hell of a woman.
So here I stand, furiously writing this down for you when I hear a young boy let out a joyful cry. The star of many of his wet dreams is in the building. Even the stomach of this adult flips at the thought. It's slow going but I do not care. It's CHYNA!!!
Selfishly, I'd hoped there would only be a few people there so we'd get to talk. But she is a WWF Superstar and this isn't Disney World and my dreams don't always come true. Surrounded by the romance novels I usually buy by the dozen, I can't bring myself to do anything but to gaze at the covers. Until I come down from this WWF high, nothing will be able to make me crash down to the ground.
Note to self, not too much bass on the Vol. 5 CD. It ruins a perfectly good sound.
Her fans come in all shapes and sizes. For some reason, I thought I was one of the few people to grasp her magnificence. And in a way, I still think I am. Then again those of you who love her as much as I do probably think so too. Difference is, I know. You disagree? Oh well, sue my will-have-seen-Chyna-by-the-time-you-read-this ass.
I have to smile.
Quote from a child when Kurt Angle's theme came on: "This guy's a weirdo." From the mouths of babes...
OK, I love Chyna and I love Chapters, the bookstore, but my arms are starting to hurt. Her book is damn heavy and with the weight doubled... Yes, I know, I offered but damn it, it's fuckin' heavy!
Peppers (French Canadians), Mics, niggas, and other darkies. all mix in love, admiration or lust of one woman.
I SAW HER!!! I CAN SEE HER! I giggle. She's doing an interview for Pepper version of ET. I'm going to tape it. Did I mention the cops are on site? I think it's so cool.
My feet hurt. My neck does too. Next signing, I'm faking a disability so I can skip ahead. I won't, I swear, but I had to whine, OK?
There's a Black guy in line who's been staring at me. What the fuck? He looks skinnier than Gilligan. Who the hell is he? He seems vaguely familiar but from where? Oh shit, it's Weak Handshake! He came on to me last summer on the subway after work. I was nice, talked to him but the limper than limp handshake killed me. He's smiling at me, looking constipated... Oh, I'm thinking he's thinking I'll remember him fondly and have him join me. I could be wrong but I know I'm not. I look away. Poor boy doesn't realize we BOTH would like to score with that hottie.
It's my turn! I'm so excited!!!
All right, you have a beef with me? You wanna ream me out for any reason? I say do it now. I'm too fuckin happy to care or take offense. Well, don't hit the reply button just yet. I might turn around and crush your balls for daring, such is the nature of this beast.
She was wearing a dark blue top with red stitching with the sleeves cut off and dark sunglasses, which sucks major hairy monkey balls. She was wearing this beautiful pair of dark lavender pants, very tight and yummy. Her hair was loose and straight, looked a little dry. OK, now, I have to say this, body wise, she's the tight white version of me with fantabulous breasts and longer hair. And yes, I peeked into her cleavage (very nice cleavage by the way) and I think she noticed. Oh well...
She signed both books, I said something trite about being one of my idols or heroes, I forget which, she said 'thank you', smiled (I melted). And, I shook her hand. Yep, the Ninth Wonder of the World shook my hand. I'm higher than after a fuckin doobie.
All the way home, I had people staring at me, wondering why I had such a goofy grin on my face. If you've never seen a happy Black woman, it's a beautiful sight. Hell, I was looking pretty good, if I do say so myself. And with the smile, and the lipstick, damn! Everyone on the bus was looking ho-hum after a long day at work but me, me, I was hugging the books to my chest and putting my teeth and smile on parade.
Even right now, it's been over three hours and I have this crazy grin on my face and I know it's not going to go away.
Anyhow, that was my Chyna experience and I loved it. It's a bit much just for getting my books signed but hey, whatever makes me happy, right? Well, this made me ecstatic and I wanted to share it with all of you.

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