It usually starts calmly, sneaking up on me like nothing and then, I can feel it… an annoying little pulse right behind my left eye… it always starts on my left side… I wish I knew why. Actually, that’s not true… if I had to know anything about them, it would be out to get right of them permanently. Right about now, I want to kill it. I want to beat it until death ensues… I don’t want any part of it… I want to be able to dig into my skull with my bare hands, and remove whatever is giving me pain right out of my head.
It’s not fair. If only it was as simple as a little headache but it’s not. It’s about so much more… I’m feeling queasy and nauseous right now… I know that eventually, I’ll have to empty out my stomach but I’m at work right now and don’t want to do that here… but it persists. And good sense would dictate me not to be sitting at a computer right now but my job is computer-based… I’d turn away if I could but I can’t… so for now, I have to suffer.
I popped my usual pill… orange and thicker than most, it should take effect soon but there are no guarantees. I wish I were home on my sleeping couch, under a couple of blankets so I could take a nap before Prison Break… but no such luck… I have to stay here until my shift is over and suffer in silence…
There are days when it gets really bad when I start thinking of ways of removing the pain from my skull… no painless tricks of fate either, mind you… I’m going for the big painful guns like pressing a drill bit against the throbbing temple and hoping it’ll brush the offending kernel of pain into smithereens. But then again, when the pain is so bad it requires intervention from a power tool, I can’t manage the effort to the toolbox, much less be able to endure the whir of the machine. There’s not much I can stand on those days, from a simple morning breeze to the sliver of sunlight escaping the darkening confines of my drapes.
I want those days to end… I want my imagination to stop thinking there’s a tumour or an aneurysm stuck somewhere in my head, just waiting to burst out… I want the migraines gone…