Find people who abuse
Find people who use
And you will find me
Waiting to be used and abused
Any attention is good attention
A slap is a disguised caress
An insult a harsh compliment
A mean word is at least a word
I don't know when it happened
When people stopped paying attention
When I became desperate
For a sign of attention
Maybe it was when my sister left
Ran away to another world
And forgot the little sister
Who needed her big sister
Maybe it was when people died
Like my grandmother and my uncle
When I lost two people I loved
And retreated further into the world of alone
Every time someone reaches out to me
I hold on tight
And will not let go
Because they might be my way out
And every time I hold on to someone
They let go
And I fall
And the fall is harder every time
My pattern is a harsh one
And although I know it
I can't seem to avoid it
My pattern is my only constant
My pattern is my life
Written on January 20th, 2001