"Welcome back and so far, this show's been a fascinating one. Really and truly fascinating. We already met with WWF superstar the Rock, who'll soon star in his very own movie, "The Scorpion King" and now we're going to meet two of the most youngest superstars in the WWF today. Well, I've got to tell you, I met these two guys backstage and you couldn't meet a nicer couple of guys. These are the guys you could bring home to Mom and Dad and they'd love them!"
A few seats down from Maury, Rock struggled not to burst out laughing while Kai's crystal laughter rang throughout the studio. Shaking his head in confusion, Maury continued his introduction.
"So here they are, two of the WWF's heartthrobs, Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho."
Chris came out first, shaking his blond hair all over the place and mimicking his usual entrance on the WWF stages. Jeff quickly followed, doing the guns before following Chris over to Maury and shaking the host's hand. Next to them, Rock was still chuckling quietly.
"Chris and Jeff, the two of you are bone fide WWF heart throbs. What does it feel like, considering the two of you are still so young and just starting out in the business?"
Chris looked over at Jeff and the younger man shrugged, letting his colleague speak in his stead.
"Well, I don't think Jeff or myself think of ourselves as being heart throbs. We go out there, we do our job and whatever happens, happens. Nothing more, nothing less. So we're cute and people like our looks, that's nature. We didn't do anything about it."
"But you play up to it, don't you?"
"I don't think so," Chris went on, "I mean, both Jeff and I go out there wearing long pants, unlike Rocky here who struts around in itty bitty pants. We don't play up to it half as much as he does."
"Yeah right... excuse me, but Jeff and his brother Matt play up to it," Rock interrupted.
"No, we don't," Jeff said, his tone as relaxed as ever.
"Please. No one makes a bigger deal out of taking off their tops. Driving all the little girlies nuts on purpose."
Jeff didn't say anything. He simply shrugged and sunk depper into his chair.
But there was a slight smile on his lips.
"So how do the two of you deal with your personal lives and your fans? We saw Rock's fiancée get attacked by a fan just a few minutes ago. Are you worried about your loved ones as well?"
Right then and there Kai and Rock started laughing so hard that tears came pouring out of their eyes. Chris sat back and grinned and Jeff threw a lazy punch on Rock's shoulder, which made the people's champion laugh that much harder. Chris looked over at Kai, and without warning ran over to her and put her into the Walls of Jericho, which made her giggle until she went red in face. Jeff ran in and made the save by attacking Chris. While the two men mock fought, Rock saw to his girlfriend and brought her onto the stage, pulling her into his lap. Finally, Maury managed to break them up and sit them down.
"You boys weren't this rambunctious backstage," the host complained, sitting down himself.
"They're very excitable," Kai giggled in Rocky's lap.
"Very..."
"You two... ugh," Chris said, dismissing them with a wave of the hand.
"We're going to try to ignore that. Now, you two have a fan backstage who apparently loves you very much. As a matter of fact, we have trouble finding out which one she loves more."
"That'd be me, of course," Chris chuckled.
"Of course. Now, we're going to ask you boys to step off the stage for a moment while we introduce this fan of yours."
"Cool."
Chris almost ran backstage while Jeff followed at his usual, more sedate and calm pace.
"All right," Maury said with a grin, "let's bring out this fan."
Out of the backstage area came the fan... For the second time that day, Maury's audience was stunned into silence. She wasn't a specially ugly girl but there was an strangely ugly aura about her that made everyone start.
Rock and Kai's eyes narrowed on her and their faces hardened immediately.
Maury shook himself out of his daze and walked over to the girl, welcoming her to the show and taking her to her seat next to him. As she walked by the Rock, the girl looked at him with such content and animosity, the man's animality came to the forefront as his arm tightened around his girlfriend.
"All right," Maury said, his voice nervous as he gauged the blatant hostility in the air. "I understand you're an avid wrestling fan."
"Huh?"
"You like wrestling a lot."
"Yeah. Specially when they bleed. I love it when they bleed. All that blood on their bodies, it's all very exciting."
"Uh... I... hmm, ok. You like the blood."
"Oh yeah, I love the blood."
"So, uh, who are your favorite wrestlers?"
"Well, I love Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho. But they don't bleed much. I love it when Hunter bleeds. He's a good bleeder. His hair gets all red and stuff and it makes me so hot. Steve Corino too. He's a lovely bleeder. Makes me want to lick it all off him. It's such a turn on."
In her fiancé's lap, Kai wriggled around uncomfortably as she lightly fingered the scar on his forehead from the last time he'd bladed. She sighed. Some people were just too weird.
"All right, but you really like Jeff and Chris, right?" Maury asked.
"Oh yeah. Jeff's my Rainbow lover and Chris, well, I'm his Y2J princess."
"You're Jeff's lover?" the host asked, his eyes widening.
"Well, not really. Not in real life. But I will be. One day."
Rock and Kai started to laugh again and the fan turned to them, her eyes blazing with barely contained rage.
"Uh," Maury said, trying to draw her attention back to him, "how did you come to be Chris's Y2J princess?"
"Well, my friends and I made him to be our Canadian prince and I have to be his Y2J princess."
"Another princess," Rock sighed. "Somebody save me."
"You've got a problem?" the fan asked, her eyes narrowing on him.
"With people with delusions of grandeur? Yeah, a bit."
"Delusions of grandeur? Please, look at you. You're nothing, you got into this business by cheer luck. You don't have half the talent of Chris or Jeff. You're just a lucky son of a bitch."
"You aren't worth his spit, you spiteful little piece of white trash," Kai said, calmly eyeing the girl.
"What, you think you're hot shit because you're boinking the people's chump? Please, you..."
"All right, all right," Maury said, barely sliding in between the fan and Kai and Rock, "this isn't a boot camp show and I don't have extra security on hand. Let's bring out some people you're dying to meet. Maybe that'll calm you down."
Having her the fan from the backstage area, Jeff and Chris came out much more calmly than they had before. Their smiles had faded and even when the fan went up to them to greet them, their smiles didn't reach their eyes.
"Oh my God," she gushed, "I am so happy to meet the two of you. I mean, the two of you are the best. You so rock. I was so glad when you got your IC belt Jeff. You so deserve it! And Chris, you like deserve to be the champion. You are so much better than that loser Austin. All he does is swear and drink beer. You are way better than that."
"Thank you," Chris said coldly.
"Yeah," Jeff added, "what he said."
Then there was an uncomfortable silence as Jeff and Chris completely ignored the girl. The snub was obvious and she picked up on it, her face turning into an ugly sneer.
"What's your fucking problem?" she asked.
"Well," Chris said, "let's start with you insulting some of our co-workers. You don't like Rock, you don't like Austin, that's fine. But to denigrate their work because of it, we don't appreciate that."
"You like us because we put on a good show. But it goes to show how little you understand of the business. Chris and I can only hope one day we'll be like the Rock. You think him and Austin didn't work hard to get where they are today? You don't know. You insult them, you insult us."
"And about this Y2J princess shit. I know Americans don't know much about Canada, but we have no princes or princesses. And trust me, I don't want a princess at all."
"Whatever! I liked you but you're a fucking asshole. Go fuck yourself! I hope they make you job to Essa Rios!"
"Such a lovely girl," Chris sneered.
"I still have my Rainbow lover, so I'm cool," she spat out, reaching out to Jeff.
"Dayum, no touching! And please, don't call me that. My name's Jeff."
"All right..."
"And I'm with Chris. You insult them, you insult us. Without Austin pushing the new WWF Attitude swerve and without Rock being all over the place, drawing attention back to the business, we wouldn't be where we are today. That's what you need to learn."
"But... but..."
"As for you being my lover, sorry to tell you girlie, but the spot's already taken."
"But you... you said you were single..."
"Yeah, I said that I broke up with my girlfriend. And that's true... but I do have a lover. And I don't want another one."
"Who the fuck is it? Her?" she asked, nodding to Kai, "she looks like she's into cheating and gang-banging and that shit."
"Oh please," Kai sighed.
"Who then? Lita? I'll kill that fucking bitch!"
"Dayum, relax and think girl. Lita could take you on, regardless of the weight difference, and kick your ass. And she's not my lover."
"Who then? I'll kill them."
"Doubt you could take me on girlie," Chris said with a smile as he covered Jeff's hand with his. "I'm one hell of a fighter."
The crowd went wild as the fan's face fell. Next to the blond lovers, Kai and Rock started laughing again, holding on to each other when their laughter almost got the best of them.
"You can't... oh my God, that's so..."
"Want proof?" Chris asked before applying his mouth to Jeff's.
The two men shared a long, deeply passionate kiss that had the crowd cheering them on for a full minute. Not to be outdone, Kai and Rock started going at it too. By the time Maury playfully separated them, the fan was slumped in her chair, her head against her chest, making wild gestures with her hands.
"Are you okay?" the host asked going over to her.
"No," she screamed, shoving him out of the way as she ran to the camera, grabbing it into her hand, bringing it to focus on her face, "this is why I hate slash. There's always a chance it'll come true!"