The camera cranes down and around the small, but more crowded than last, arena. The crowd is going wild, waving there signs and trying to get on televison. Some pyro and explosions go off as loud guitar riffs echo through the arena. The camera cuts to Bob Dolan and Kooky Karl at the commentating table.
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 Kooky Karl: We had a new Volitile Champ last week, and we are going to have another. I can hear it now, "Brother Voodoo, new VC Champ!" It's going to happen.
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| Kooky Karl: Hmm, I have a feeling Barry Horowitz should have stayed at home. I wonder how the Horowitz family is going to pay the bills from now on.... |
Andy Richter is at ringside.
Andy Richter:Our first match is a "Loser Leaves WVW" match!!!
Andy Richter:Weighing in at 205 from the Mountains of Tibet, and one half of the Tag team Champions, Yang!!!
Andy Richter: And his opponet, weighing in at 225, Barry Horowitz!!!
Yang vs. Barry Horowitz 
(Non-Title Match, Career Match)
Yang and Barry start to circle each other when Andrew Morley calls for a bell.
(ding, ding, ding)
Barry runs at Yang, but Yang slides under Barry's legs and gives him a big backdrop. He drops a knee on Barry's shoulder and then slaps a Sharpshooter on Horowitz. Yang leaves in on just long enough to hurt. Horowitz screams as Yang stomps his knee. Yang struts around the ring as if he has toppled Andre the Giant, or something...
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Yang deliver a Twist of fate. He then grabs his belt and climbs to the top rope. He holds it like he is the world champ. He drops it to the side and executes a Y-Bomb (cannonball splash). He rolls Barry up in an elaborate pin and Morley makes the count.
1...2...3!!!
Andy Richter: Here is your winner by pinfall... YANG!!!
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Yang starts celebrating as his music plays. He grabs a chair and starts hitting Barry with it. Yin runs in and helps him out beating on Horowitz. Yin lifts Horowitz up in a gorilla press slam as Yang climbs to the top rope.
Yang flies down as Yin lets go of Horowitz and Yang puts all his weight on Horowitz as he slams on the mat.
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Back in the ring, Yin is stomping Horowitz as Yang gets a mic.
Yang:This is just the first example! One career down and only a few left. THIS IS OUR FEDERATION!! We will get rid of ALL of you! We will take EVERY single title! THEN.... then you will know we are the MASTERS!!!
Yin and Yang tie Horowitz up in the ropes in a hangman. They punch him and start to walk away proudly with thier belts.
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The "Pitbull"'s musichits as Yin and Yang are walking to the back. The crowd goes wild. He walks out with a mic and a look in his eyes like he wants to fight. He is just about to talk when on the WVW screen, Brother Voodoo appears.
Brother Voodoo: The time for talk is over, gutter mutt! Take less time showing how ignorant you are and more time preparing for you destruction!!
Pitbull looks incensed at being interrupted, but before he can respond, Yin and Yang are on him! Yin smashes his belt over Pitbull's head and Yang gives him a spinning DDT. They laugh as they leave The Pitbull laying on the stage.
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COMMERCIALS |
| The craziest video yet, "Girls Gone To Bed!". Watch as sexy sororities sleep in thier beds and have super sexy dreams. BUY NOW! 1-900-UHORNDOG... |
Sunday night at 9 o'clock, its the your favorite gameshow, "Feelyat!". It was big in Europe, so why not here? |
Shots of the crowd, looking pumped. Signs like "Pitbull rules the yard!" and "Yang is a friggin' fairy!" can be seen.
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Andy Richter: The following match is set for one fall...
The arena goes black , except for green and red lights that flash occasionally . The crows go silent . And it begins to rain inside the arena . It is a harsh tropical rain . Then a door is heard creaking . The the Star Wars Emperial March starts to play and the Predator comes out .
Andy Richter: First, making his way to the ring, weighing in at 250
lbs, from Thailand, The Predator!!
'Smells Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana plays and Diamond comes out to a HUGE pop from the crowd. He walks down to the ring, high fiving all the way. When he gets to the ring he looks skyward, raises his arms and sparks fly all around the top rope, completely circling the ring.
Andy Richter: And his opponent, from Los Angeles California, weighing
in at 255 lbs, its Diamond!!
The Predator VS Diamond
(Standard Match)
They enter the ring and circle each other as the bell rings.
(ding, ding)
They lock up and Diamond takes the advantage and delivers a Russian leg sweep. The Predator tries to get up, but instead of his feet, he finds himself taking a snap suplex from Diamond. The Predator is down and Diamond raises his hands for crowd approval. The crowd is mixed since both are well liked.
Diamond goes back on the attack, but took a pose too early because Predator catches him with an underhook DDT. The Predator puts on a nerve hold with an armbar and tries to get Diamond to submit.
Morley checks for the arm, but Diamond is fighting out. Before
he can, The Predator lets go and picks up Diamond for a face driver.
Diamond is down and Predator goes for a pin.
(1..2..)
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Diamond gets his shoulder up and the crowd roars. Predator picks him up again but this time is met with lefts and rights. The Predator fights back and irish whips Diamond into the ropes. Diamond comes back at The Predator and hits a flowing ddt. Both men lie on the ground to take a breather. The count starts.
(1..
2..
3..
4...
And Diamond is up! He graps The Predator and hits a solid piledriver. Diamond climbs to the top turnbuckle and drops a fist, but Predator moves and Diamond strikes the mat.
The Predator stuns Diamond with a thrust kick. He then throws him into the corner and dives at Diamond. Diamond dodges and The Predator connects with the turnbuckles. Diamond takes Predator's head and smashes it into the top turnbuckle again and again. He then turns the Predator around and delivers a few chops to the chest. The crowd of course yells, "Whoo!" with each one.
Diamond sets The Predator up for a superplex. The Predator instead picks Diamond up for a bigger suplex as they both FALL OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE and crash to the outside!
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Both struggle to thier feet. The Predator is up first. He runs at Diamond. Diamond gives a big back body drop on to the ring steps.
Diamond struggles back into the ring. The ref starts to count out The Predator. He gets to five when The Predator rolls back in. Diamond stomps his head, but The Predator grabs his leg and whips him to the ground. Both men are up and Diamond hits Predator with a dragon suplex.
Diamond goes for a cover.
(1..
2..
The Predator kicks out. Diamond tries for a figure four leglock, but Predator kicks him to the mat. The Predator goes for a gut buster press slam, but Diamond kicks him in the gut and nails a DUSTER! Ref goes for a count.
(1...
2...
3!!!)
(ding, ding, ding)
Andy Richter: Here is your winner.... DIAMOND!!!!
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COMMERCIALS |
| Vince has the XFL, now WVW CEO has his own website at joebrian.com! It's not extreme, but you might still like it... |
Ever feel not so fresh? This show is supported by "SOAPY SOAP"! Try it! |
Andy Richter: The next match is standard, one fall. Coming
to the ring now...
Lights go out, bunsen burner appears on Titan Tron and arena goes dark. No music is heard. Dr. Cruise appears from behind the curtain with a bunsen burner in his hand. And some glasses perched on the front of his nose.
Andy Richter: He is from England... He is Dr. Cruise!!
Dr. Cruise gets in the ring. He walks around waiting for his opponent to be called. He looks like he is getting quite impatient when...
The lights go out.
"Shitlist" by L7 starts to play.
After a few moments, the lights come back on. Dr Cruise is in the ring. He is looking towards the entrance, but behind him on crutches is Crippler Calhoun!!
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Dr. Cruise VS
Crippler Calhoun
(Standard Match)
Crippler slaps on a cross face chicken wing. He takes Dr. Cruise to the ground. Crippler is yelling, "YOU SUCK!!" as he does it. Cruise gets to the ropes and breaks the hold.
Dr. Cruise gets up and Crippler is sitting in the middle of the ring. Cruise laughs at him and Crippler flips him the bird. The crowd cheers at this. Cruise goes for Crippler, but Calhoun hip tosses Cruise to the ground and slaps on a ankle lock. Cruise screams in more frustration than pain.
Cruise gets to the ropes again, breaks the hold and rolls out. He looks very angry on the outside of the ring. Inside, Crippler laughs. He throws his crutch out of the ring and hits Cruise with it. Cruise looks FURIOUS!
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The lights flash on and off, and suddenly KRUIZ is in the ring!
Kruiz knocks Calhoun off his crutch with a spinning heel kick. He then nails him with a brainbuster. Calhoun looks out.
Kruiz yells at the ref. The ref nods as if he has learned a thing or two in the past week.
Kruiz picks Calhoun up. Calhoun hits him and tries to get a
move, but Kruiz just serves him a inverted DDT. Kruiz goes over and gets
a crutch. The ref warns him, but Kruiz doesn't look worried. He places it next
to Crippler.
Kruiz waits, and laughs, as Crippler gets to his feet. As soon as Crippler is upright, Kruiz nails him with a Sweet Chin Music that plants Calhoun to the mat. Kruiz covers.
(1...2...3!!!)
Andy Richter: Here is your winner, Dr Cruise, er, KRUIZ!!!!!
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COMMERCIALS |
| WVW t-shirts... buy them now before they sell out. And then all your friends will laugh at you. That is if you have friends, you snivelling loser! (Note: Spot written by Kooky Karl who does commercials in his spare time, hey commentating doesn't pay that great...) |
("Purple Haze" plays in the background as a sports car drives around) Buy the G34 Prime before we rape more artistic geniuses and thier art! |
Shot of backstage.
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Andy Richter: The next match is a GRUDGE MATCH! First,
introducing, former VC champ... BACKSTREET!!!
"Born in a Junkyard" plays. However, no one comes out. Fans are cheering. The music keeps playing.
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Shot of Backstreet being treated. A gurney is nearby and paramedics are trying to stop a gash on his forehead from bleeding. His shoulder also looks dislocated. |
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Andy Richter is standing in the ring. Above him, the cieling opens up and a HELL IN THE CELL starts to lower.
Andy Richter: The next match is our MAIN EVENT! It is a PICK YOUR POISON match!
Brother Voodoo has picked a FIRST BLOOD HARDCORE MATCH!
Rob "The Pitbull" Johnson has picked a DOG HOUSE RULES MATCH! This type of match requires you to not only fight in this montrous cage, but to win you must stuff your opponent in a smaller cage. And now... the comabatants...
Lights turn blue and black, snakes appear on all screens as a digarie-do horn blows, then he arrives, from the shadows of the curtains, Brother Voodoo brings hand fulls of snakes with him to the ring, fans are screaming as they fall loose on the ground and slither away into the masses of fans.
Andy Richter: Weighing in at 281, from the Swamplands, BROTHER VOODOO!!
The fans boo. Then...
The arena lights turn into a dark orange, and red lasers criss-cross through the smoke and haze. "Creeping Death" by Metallica blasts through the speakers, as Rob "PitBull" Johnson walks to the ring.His gaze is focused straight ahead, never faltering.
Andy Richter: From Baltimore, MD, at 275 lbs, ROB "THE PITBULL" JOHNSON!!
MAIN EVENT
Brother Voodoo
VS
Rob "The Pitbull" Johnson
(Pick Your Poison Stipulation)
(First Blood Hardcore/Dog House Match)
(FOR THE VOLITILE CHAMPIONSHIP!!!)
The competitors stare each other down as the Cell encloses them, the ring, and the ref.
(ding, ding, ding)
Brother Voodoo and the Pitbull circle each other when they finally lock up. Pitbull shoves Brother Voodoo to the ground and smiles. Brother Voodoo gets back to his feet and Pitbull picks him up in a gorilla press slam and drops him to the mat.
Brother Voodoo rolls to the ropes. Pitbull goes to pick him up again, but Brother Voodoo has found a stainless steel pot and nails Pitbull in the head. Pitbull stumbles back. Brother Voodoo throws the pot and Pitbull dodges it. Brother Voodoo uses this distraction to execute a belly to back suplex.
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Pitbull is down and Brother Voodoo looks over the various weapons spread around and outside the ring. He eyes a VCR. He picks it up and looks at it like he wonders what the hell it is... He swings it at Pitbull.
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Pitbull dodges and picks Brother up for a powerslam. He then nails a DDT. Pitbull takes Brother Voodoo's leg and gives it a fast twist.
"Pitbull": How's that for voodoo, ya freak?
Pitbull takes the VCR by the cord and whips the VCR with it at Brother Voodoo's head. It smacks him in the back of the head as he is getting up and sends him back to the mat.
Pitbull goes outside the ring to get the small cage. He starts dragging it to the ring. Brother Voodoo is on him with a flying headbutt from over the ropes. They then mix it up exchanging lefts and rights. Brother Voodoo whips Pitbull to the cage. He takes Pitbull's face and starts raking it on the chain link.
Brother Voodoo is looking for blood. He takes the ring steps and rams them at Pitbull, who dodges and the steps bounce of the cage and back at Brother Voodoo.
Pitbull clotheslines Brother Voodoo nearly out of his boots. Pitbull picks up Brother Voodoo and looks like he is going to powerbomb him but instead slams him against the cage, then, like a double powerbomb, picks him up again and slams him down on the smaller cage. He then starts pounding on Brother Voodoo's skull.
Brother Voodoo reaches up and jams a foriegn object into Pitbull's eye. He screams and falls to the ground. Brother Voodoo smiles. He picks up the smaller cage and drops it on Pitbull. He then nails Pitbull with a spinebuster then slaps on a crossface hold.
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He lets go and picks up Pitbull to whip him into the cage. Pitbull somehow has the strentgh to reverse the whip and send Brother Voodoo flying. Brother Voodoo hits the cage hard and breaks his head open. Blood starts flowing down his face.
In the ring, the ref is watching. Yang runs from under the ring and low blows the ref! He then piledrives him!
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Outside, Pitbull is trying to get Brother Voodoo into the cage. Brother Voodoo is fighting. Yang comes out and spin kicks Pitbull in the back of the head. He turns around and looks at Yang, his eyes burning with rage. He runs at the surprised Yang and nearly takes his head off with a clothesline! He then stomps a mudhole into Yang.
Brother Voodoo comes up from behind and nails Pitbull with a neckbreaker. He grabs a chair and starts smashing Pitbull with it, then choking him out with it.
Pitbull powers out from under the chair and gets to his feet. He and Brother Voodoo start brawling. Yang runs at Pitbull, but Pitbull sees it in the corner of his eye. So instead, Yang drops Brother Voodoo with a hurricurana!
Pitbull then gives Yang an underhook suplex. He turns to Brother Voodoo and gives him a suplex powerslam!
Pitbull is on fire as he lifts Brother Voodoo nto an inverted powerslam, then into a spinning DDT! FINAL DESITNATION!!!
He takes Brother Voodoo and puts him in the cage and closes the door, latching it. He then raises his hands in victory, but THE REF IS STILL OUT! Pitbull sees this and looks mad. He turns to Yang, and Yang has a large glass vase. He SMASHES over Pitbull's head, busting him open and flooring him.
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Yang then lets out Brother Voodoo and runs in the ring to wake up the ref. Brother Voodoo puts a triangle hold on Pitbull as the ref comes to.
The ref sees the blood, but also sees Yang. He looks at the cage. He seems VERY confused. He calls for the cage to be lifted.
The cage lifts as the WVW theme plays. On the stage appears a middle age man, CEO BRIAN SCHELL!! He has a mic.
CEO SCHELL: Referee Morley! You better be fair or YOU ARE FIRED! And Yang, for interferring... YOU ARE STRIPPED OF YOUR TITLE!
The CEO walks out. The ref still looks confused. He goes over to Andy Richter and whispers something to him. Andy looks like, "Are you sure?" and Morley shakes his head "yes".
Andy Richeter: In the spirit of fairness, and because there are NO DRAWS in the WVW! The winner of the match is BROTHER VOODOO!
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The crowd boos wildly. Brother Voodoo takes the ring to celebrate.
Andy Richter But, the ref has decided the title WILL NOT change hands. So, still your VOLITILE CHAMPION.... ROB "THE PITBULL" JOHNSON!
The crowd goes WILD and Brother Voodoo looks SO FRIGGIN PISSED!
Yang HAS been pissed and is leaving ringside.
Pitbull is bloody at ringside!
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Cut to black.
copyright 2001 WVW Entertainment.
Bob Dolan: AND WELCOME TO SATURDAY NIGHT STRANGLE! What a card we have, and only two weeks till the big PPV! Man, last week's show sure was controversial. I wonder how this week will stack up.
Tony Slattery:There has been some sort of attack back here... I am trying to get details... Let's get back to ringside as I find out...