SATURDAY NIGHT STRANGLE
March 10rd, 2001
The crowd is going wild. Music blares and pyro explodes!
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 Yo!
I'm back. Lawler was a one shot deal. Seems he has a few hundred independent
shows to do. I, on the other hand, am commited to THIS fed, the greatest
ever. Damn, I better stop or I will sound to much like Bob, "The
Corporate Weasel" |
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Shot of backstage.
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Andy Richter is at ringside.
Andy
Richter:
The first match is a HELL IN THE CELL with WEAPONS! Our first competitor...
Lights
flicker then just go out then there is an explosion and "CHAAAAAOOOOOOS"
is screamed and the music hit. Kid Khaos comes out and goes wild!
Andy
Richter:
Weighing in at 180lbs from Austin, TX, he is KID CHAOS!!!!
2
Balls shoot into the air and the lights go out. The only light you can see is
the fire balls. The lights come on and Justin Sane is on the ramp with his back
to the ring. Justin turns around and proceed to the ramp.
Andy
Richter:
Weighing in at 250lbs from Middlesborough, he is JUSTIN SANE!!!!
A Chainsaw sounds starts ripping through the arena , as Kodiac walks out with an axe handle in hand, as he gets into the ring he steps over the toprope, he turns around and lets out a great howl, and raises his Axe Handle
Kid Chaos
VS 
Justin Sane VS 
The Kodiac Woodsman
(Hell in the Cell w/ Weapons)
(IC
Qualifying)
(ding, ding)
The bell rings as the Hell in the Cell starts to descend. The three men are staring at each other. Suddenly Justin Sane rolls out of the ring and under the cage before it fully settles. Kid Chaos tries to get him, but it is too late as the cage is down and Justin is outside.
The Kodiac Woodsman gets Kid Chaos from behind with a crescent kick. He then follows it up with a spinning neck breaker.
Justin Sane has climbed to the top of the cage and is drooling over the different weapons that are present. He spots a pair of bolt cutters and starts making a hole on the top of the cage.
Inside, the Woodsman has his axe handle with him and is hitting Kid Chaos. The Kid ducks one and nails the Woodsman with a DDT.
They both are exchanging blows when a ladder falls on them! Both are down. Justin Sane lowers himself into the cage.
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Justin Sane gives a snap suplex to Kid Chaos and turns to get a boot in the face from the Woodsman. The Woodsman lifts Justin Sane up and throws him at Kid Chaos, sending both to the mat.
The Kodian Woodsman then picks up the ladder but the Kid and Justing are on their feet and have similiar thoughts as they drop the Woodsman with a double dropkick. The ladder lands on top of him and they jump on each side and ride the ladder like a see saw.
Justin Sane uses the ladder to spring at the Kid, but the Kid catches him and plants him with a powerslam! The Woodsman is back up and drops the ladder on Justin's head, busting it open.
Chaos hits the Woodsman with an axe kick followed by a powerful clothesline. He then sets up the ladder.
Justin catches the Woodsman with a twist of fate and then starts laying the boots into him. He cuts cut off by a moonsault from the Kid.
All three men are on the mat and the Woodsman is the first to his feet. He goes for Kid Chaos, but the Kid rolls out of the ring. The Woodsman goes after him and gets a flying forearm smash from Chaos. The Woodsman shakes it off and plants the Kid with a chokeslam.
Meanwhile, Justin Sane has used the ladder to climb to the top of the cage. He throws more weapons into the ring, bats, chains, pipes, etc.
The Woodsman whips the Kid into the cage and then gives him a spear, almost sending him through the cage.
The Woodsman rolls the Kid back in and gets hit by a flying chair, courtesy of Justin. Justin is back in and laying the boots into the Woodsman. He picks up a chain and wraps it around his fist. He starts pummeling on the Woodsman.
Kid Chaos has climbed now to the top of the cage and is taking a breather.
The Woodsman is now bleeding. He grabs a bat that is lying nearby and has it meet with Justin's crotch. Justin screams as he gets another across the back.
Kid Chaos takes a suiced leap with a chair and lands on Justin, nearly knocking his head off and hurting himself in the process.
The Kid somehow gets to his feet to meet a chairshot from the Woodsman. One sends him to the ropes and another to the outside. The Woodsman than grabs the out cold Justin.
The Woodsman hits him with the Timber--( Puts the Opponent into a powerbomb Position, then falls backwards droping the oponents face first into the turnbuckle)!!!
He goes for the pin.
(1...
2...
3!!)
(ding, ding, ding)
Andy
Richter:
Here is your winner ... THE KODIAC WOODSMAN!!!!
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Andy
Richter:
The next match is for the WVW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
As his theme plays, Able walks out to some really whacked pyros. His whole entrance is off cue, and he walks to the ring non-chalantly, as if nothing wrong happened.
Andy
Richter:
First, weighing in at a snacking weight of 345, he is ABLE!!!!
Able gets in the ring and grabs the mic.
Able:
Sorry to take away your job, Andy, but I would like to introduce my partner.
He is the future tag team champ along with little old me, watch out aliens,
cuz it's the Man in Black!
"The MIB song" hits (you know that Will Smith one) and a Man dressed completely in black comes to the ring. He is shaking his head. He gets in the ring and whispers to Able.
Able:
Ooops! That song was my idea, turns out that is not what he meant when he
wanted me to call him the Man in Black. Whatever, just bring Ding and Dong
out here and LET'S GET IT ON!
"Yin-Yang theme" hits and Yin and Yang come out. They are at the height of cockiness with their tag team belts. The crowd is booing like crazy and Yang takes the mic.
Andy
Richter:
Weighing in at...
Yang:
Shut
up, overweight bitch! (points at the crowd) You thought you saw the last
of us didn't you, DIDN'T YOU!?! Think again! We are the MASTERS, before,
now and FOREVER! I don't know who you two losers are to even THINK about
taking us on, but I do know the career killers will put and end to this
faster than you can say Barry Horowitz!
Able
mocks Yang like, "Big deal, you beat Barry Horowitz" when Yang
drops the mic and him and Yin storm the ring.
Able and Man in Black
VS
Yin and Yang
(Standard Match)
(ding, ding)
A brawl ensues and it takes the ref a good minute to get a man in each corner. When he finally does, its Able and Yang squaring off.
Yang takes Abel down with a hiptoss, but Able is quick to his feet to deliver a spinebuster. Yang tries to get up, but takes a power clothesline, instead. Yang gets to his corner quick and tags in Yin.
Yin starts delivering punches but Able ducks one and spins around Yin to get a schoolboy pin.
(1...
Yang comes off the top turnbuckle with an elbow drop. The ref scolds Yang and meanwhile the Man in Black gets in and he and Able start stomping a mudhole into Yin.
The ref turns and sees this and yells for a tag, so the MIB slaps Able and they continue the stomping!
The ref pushes Able to the corner and Able is laughing.
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The MIB is still stomping Yin when Yang runs in. The MIB powerbombs Yang onto Yin! The crowd is going crazy and Able gets back in the ring and starts fighting with Yang.
Yin grabs the MIB and just tosses him out of the ring. Yin then climbs over the top rope. When he gets to the floor, the MIB has a chair and clock Yin with it. He then runs and hits a spinning neckbreaker.
He picks up Yin, but Yin sideslams him. Yin turns to see Able fly of the top turnbuckle hitting Yin with a crossbody block.
Able is on his feet and gets a reverse hurricanrana from Yang. Yin runs at MIB and gets a back body drop into the table!
Kooky Karl is on his feet cursing! He got water on his favorite pants. Dang it...
All four men manage to get in the ring and a brawl ensues.
Able gets knocked down and Yin gets the MIB up in the Path of Enlightenment. However, Able clips Yin's knee and the MIB falls on him.
Yang comes off the rope, but Able catches him and powerslams him.
The MIB has Yin's leg hooked.
(1...
2...
3!!!)
(ding, ding, ding)
Andy
Richter:
Your winners and NEW WVW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! ABLE AND THE MAN IN BLACK!!!!!
Able and the Man in Black grab their belts and run off in celebration through the crowd.
Yang is having words with Yin, heated words.
Shot of backstage.
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Brother Voodoo walks off.
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COMMERCIALS |
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If there were ever a nuclear war, all life
will be dead, except for THE ROACH! Get his shirt on line
at WVWshopcentral.
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| Conan O'Brien is going to be on SNL! Pretty sweet. I wonder if Andy will be watching? (Maybe on himself?) |
Andy
Richter: The next match is a STREETFIGHT MATCH!
The winner gets a shot at the WVW title at MARCH OF PAIN!!
The crowd cheers in anticipation.
A
swarm of roaches storm their way into the ring the people run wild in disgust,
The Roach appears, he runs wildly to the ring and enters it explosively.
Andy
Richter: First, making his way to the ring, weighing in at 322lbs, from
New York City, he is THE ROACH!!!
The crowd boos wildly as the Roach steps into the ring. Shots of people with signs like, "Roach is a dirty perv" and "Be nice to EMMA!"
The arena lights turn into a dark orange, and red lasers criss-cross through the smoke and haze. "Creeping Death" by Metallice blasts through the speakers, as Rob "PitBull" Johnson walks to the ring.His gaze is focused straight ahead, never faltering.
Andy
Richter: From Canada, weighing in at 275, it's the WVW VOLATILE CHAMP,
ROB "THE PITBULL" JOHNSON!!!!!
Rob "The Pitbull" Johnson VS The Roach 
(non-title, #1 Contender Streetfight)
The Pitbull and the Roach stare each other down. Emma is standing at ring side looking nervous for Rob and bitter towards the Roach. She and the Roach meet eyes and the Roach winks. The Roach then says something to the Pitbull and the Pitbull sneers with rage and goes for the Roach's throat.
They lock up. Both men try to gain control when Pitbull brings up a knee to the guy followed by an elbow to the back. The crowd roars as the Roach falls to the mat and Pitbull is on top of him, slamming fists to the back of his head.
Pitbull picks the Roach up and goes for a powerbomb, but the Roach reverses and sends him to the mat. The Roach then gives the Pitbull a piledriver. He then picks up and head smash into turnbuckle, followed by dumping him out of the ring.
The Roach grabs the ringbell and brings it down on the Pitbull, but the Pitbull ducks it and hits a neckbreaker.
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The Pitbull picks up the Roach and drops him onto the railing. He then pushes the railing over and they are in the crowd! Pitbull goes for a clothesline, but the Roach grabs a fan and puts him in the way. The Pitbull stops short of hitting the fan and almost falls over. The Roach gives the Pitbull a brainbuster onto some chairs that fans have cleared out of.
Security is trying to get the fans out of the way.
The Roach takes a chair and looks like he wants to cut Pitbull's head of with it, intead Pitbull rolls and the Roach hits the concrete with it. He swings it and gets Pitbull in the back.
Pitbull grabs two chairs and gives the Roach his version of the "Con-chair-to"! The Roach stumbles back and falls over some chairs.
The Pitbull wraps the Roach's leg in one of the chairs and starts stomping on it. The Roach is screaming in pain.
Emma even gets into it and starts clawing the Roach in the eyes!
Suddenly Emma falls backward. She looks dizzy. Pitbull screams out to her, "You okay?"
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Emma suddenly pukes up this red looking liquid all over the ringside. Pitbull's eyes almost pop out of his head at the sight of this. He runs to her, but the Roach trips him and slaps on an ankle lock!
Pitbull screams, but is able to kick Roach in the head with his free foot. The Roach lets it go and they are both to thier feet.
The Roach tackles the Pitbull and they both crash through a bunch of chairs. At this point, about 10rows have been cleared!
The Roach whips the Pitbull back to the ring and he hits the apron. The Roach runs, but the Pitbull redirects his course into the steel post. The Pitbull then takes the time keeper's table and smashes it over the Roach's head.
The EMT's are at Emma's side and Pitbull is distracted by this long enough for Roach to grab a bag from under the ring.
The Roach takes two beer bottle out of the bag and SMASH them on the Pitbull's head. This seems to just infuriate Pitbull.
Pitbull grabs the Roach and gives him a pumphandle slam onto the plastic bag causing a loud smash as what sounds like dozens of bottles break.
The Roach rolls and yells in pain. The Pitbull starts stomping him and the Roach grabs his leg and whips him onto the broken glass.
Both men brawl on the broken glass, blood flowing all over!
The EMT's are having trouble with Emma who is fighting and screaming for some unknown reason.
The Pitbull and Roach are on their feet exchanging lefts and rights. Pitbull hears Emma screaming bloody murder and looks over. The Roach takes a shard of glass and slashes it across the Pitbull's face. The Pitbull staggers back.
The Roach nails a Pestilence on the concrete!
The Roach goes for a pin.
(1...
2...
3!!!)
Andy
Richter:
The winner and facing the Champ at the PPV... THE ROACH!!!!
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COMMERCIALS |
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Watch the WVW and if we get big enough we might
have a football league too. On second thought, NAH!
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"I would take a 4 foot spike and shove it up my *#$*@#!" What would YOU do for a FUDGIE ICE CREAM BAR? |
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Shot of backstage.
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Yin and Yang are in the dressing room looking like they are making up. Diamond walks by thier door and laughs. Yang grabs him and Yin and Yang start beating him up! Suddenly Yin picks Diamond up and THROWS HIM CRASHING THROUGH THE WINDOW TO THE OUTSIDE!!! |
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Andy
Richter: The next match is for the WVW CHAMPIONSHIP! It is an "I
QUIT" match!
"The Game" by Motorhead hits. "The Animal" comes to the ring, punching the air, getting pumped...
Andy
Richter: From Brooklyn, NY, weighing in at 260, it's "THE ANIMAL"
LUKA CESARE!!
Lights turn blue and black, snakes appear on all screens as a digarie-do horn blows, then he arrives, from the shadows of the curtains, Brother Voodoo brings hand fulls of snakes with him to the ring, fans are screaming as they fall loose on the ground and slither away into the masses of fans.
Andy
Richter: And his opponent, from the Swamplands, weighing in at 281, the
WVW CHAMPION, it's BROTHER VOODOO!!!!!
MAIN EVENT
Brother Voodoo
VS
"The Animal" Luka Cesare
(WVW CHAMPIONSHIP)
(I QUIT)
(ding, ding)
Brother Voodoo and The Animal lock up. Brother quickly get the Animal in a wristlock. The Animal clotheslines Brother Voodoo and gets a chinlock on and starts laying punches into the back of Brother's neck.
Brother Voodoo picks him up and drops him with a belly to back suplex. He then gets the Animal in a triangle hold.
The ref asks the Animal if he quits, but instead he reverses the move on Brother Voodoo.
The ref then asks Brother Voodoo if he quits. He yells, "NO!" and breaks out of the hold.
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The Animal tries for a suplex, but Brother Voodoo turns it into a brainbuster. Brother Voodoo tries to put on a cross face hold but Animal gets to the ropes.
Animal puts a cross chest armbar on Brother Voodoo.
The ref asks him if he quits.
Brother Voodoo whips Animal off of him, knocking the ref down. Then Brother Voodoo flips the Animal out of the ring.
when....
"Yin-Yang Theme" hits
Yin and Yang come down the ramp. Animal sees them and grabs a chair to defend himself. Yin goes around one side and Yang goes around the other to trap the Animal.
In the ring, Brother Voodoo is pointing at the Animal and laughing. From behind comes the Pitbull! He whips Brother Voodoo around and sticks a finger in his face.
Pitbull: "Take that DAMN CURSE off my wife!!"
Brother Voodoo smiles and Pitbull punches him in the face! They start brawling.
Animal runs in with the chair and clocks Brother Voodoo with the chair and then Pitbull hits him with the Final Destination!
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The Roach runs in and a big brawl ensues.
The ref is back and tries to break everything up and get the Pitbull and Roach out. Brother Voodoo is up and slaps the Strong Pimp Hand on the Roach! Pitbull breaks it up and Roach gives the Pesitlence on Brother Voodoo.
Animal knocks Pitbull out of the ring and Roach chases him out and they get in a big fight on the floor.
Animal gets the Curbside on Brother Voodoo. The ref checks.
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Brother Voodoo is yelling in his native tongue, when something that sounds like "Cua KIT!
The ref runs and has the bell rung.
(DING DING DING!!!)
The ref makes Andy stop the announcement, he doesn't know what to say, he looks confused.
Ref: I think he quit?!?
Brother Voodoo is out cold
The ref runs to the back.
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"My Way" by Limb Bizkit hits.
CEO Schell appears on the ramp.
CEO SCHELL: The ref doesn't know what he heard. I can't say, not being there. So, I will be vacating the title. There will be a 2 fall match at MARCH OF PAIN. The participants will be Brother Voodoo, Roach, The Animal, AND THE PITBULL! First fall for the VC title and the second for the world.
A big brawl ensues and Brother Voodoo and Yin and Yang are in control.
Able and the Man in Black run in and even the score. The Pitbull knocks out The Animal, The Roach, and Brother Voodoo and Able and MIB take care of Yin and Yang.
The Pitbull holds up his VC title and Able and MIB hold up thiers and we.....
Cut to black.
copyright
2001 WVW Entertainment.
Good
evening everyone! I'm Bob Dolan,
and with me again is Kooky Karl.
Tony Slattery:
Big things are going down. Exodus has been
seriously beaten! It looks like a few guys took to him with bats or
what not. Plus, due to a report earlier this week of a GIANT snow storm
the airlines have canceled flights up until tomorrow. Because of this,
most of the participants are not here! Luckily most of the higher talent
travel by WVW jets. Nonetheless, the CEO has announced that we instead
will have a HELL IN THE CELL match and the winner gets an IC slot. Kid
Chaos is in this and I am informed that if he wins, Kid Kache will get
a shot.