Jeffrey lay in bed of a Catholic monastery, his entire body weak and trembling. He had been so unbearably sick since Matthew left him, that he knew he was going to die soon. He refused to eat, to drink, and sometimes even breathe. His cheeks were colorless, his cheekbones slightly sunk into his face. His eyes lost their usual glimmer, now a bland green. He had heard word that a blonde visitor came by to see him earlier, leaving a package and a message. Jeffrey picked up the small note left by Monsieur Copeland, closing his eyes as he read the news.
‘Monsieur Matthew Hardy was killed in a duel, defending his honor and your own. He wanted me to tell you that he loves you, and he hopes you read his journal, for it’s yours forever.’
Shaking, the young man reached up onto the dresser, grabbing the leather journal and running his fingertips over the cover. He read every single entry, from the ones about Monsieur Chris Jericho to Christian, and even himself. Jeffrey’s head hung. Matthew was so brutally honest, but never once did he disrespect him. His fingers flipped to the last page, gasping as he read the final message.
Dearest Jeffrey,
I will not falsify the truth, I have earned a disgraceful reputation. Hopefully you already received my personal journal, and were able to view what no one else has. If you have this journal, I am already gone. Please do not weep for me, for I truly do not deserve your tears. These pages are my most personal possession besides you. I know I have hurt you, and in turn, I have hurt myself in the process. I lied. Horribly. You are the reason why I breathe, the reason why I learned to love. I have never felt this way about anyone before, and I admit, it frightened me at first.
But please do not doubt my feelings for you. They are so genuine that it brings tears to my eyes and an sickly ache within my heart. The time I spent with you was the happiest in all my life, for you truly showed me what it was like to laugh, to cry, to feel. The only thing I can feel as of now is deep regret and longing. I yearn to touch you, or see your beautiful face smiling back at me. Honestly, I don’t want to live without you. My life is over. And the gift I give to you is my undying love. In my heart, I know that you feel the same for me.
The first time we made love I felt you so deeply within my heart that I sobbed after you fell asleep. From our first meeting in the church, or our first kiss in the garden, or the time we laughed together in the pool. Memories such as those are always embedded within my soul, never to be forgotten. I hope you will forgive me, as I have not yet forgiven myself for letting you go. As useless as my life always was, you were the only bright spot in my existence.
Always know that I love you, and I will see you again someday. The time, the place, does not matter to me. As long as I have the promise of seeing the twinkle of your eyes, and the beauty of your being, I am content. Do not forget me, or what we shared together. My heart is forever yours. I love you so much more than you’ll ever know. I wait for you...
Love eternally,
Matthew
Jeffrey began to sob, bawling quietly as he turned over onto his side. He held the journal close, his breathing shallow. He needed to be with Matthew, for his life was unparalleled without him. Useless. The young man sighed deeply, feeling the life slip from his body. His soft lips mouthed his last words, so sweet and tender.
“I love you, Matthew...”, Jeffrey sincerely voiced, his voice small and dry. Slowly, he let himself die, the grip he held on the journal slowly slipping. His heart slowed to an inert thump, the book falling from his hand onto the floor. The pages were stained with Jeffrey’s tears, and the final page it came to rest on was oddly the beginning.
The beginning of a beautiful ending. Seduction, betrayal, intrigue, lust, romance, and loss. To hate, to love, to avenge. From the rise to a downfall. Ironic as it was, life just isn’t worth living sometimes...