I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMERslam
It`s after midnight
And she's on your phone (phone)
Saying come over
Cause she's all alone (lone)
I could tell it was your ex
By your tone (tone)
But why is she calling now?
After so long
1 - Now what is that she wants?
Tell me what is that she needs?
Did she hear about the brand new Benz?
That you just bought for me
Cause y'all don't have no kids
Didn't shared no mutual friends
And you told me that she turned trick
When y'all broke up in '96
2 - What'cha gonna do
When you can't say no
And your feelings start to show
Boy I really need to know
And how you gonna act
How you gonna handle that
What'cha gonna do when she wants you back The music blared through the speakers. It was Scotty 2 Hottie and Grand Master Sexay's 'End of the summer bash'. Everyone that was anyone was there.
"Dude your party is totally reaking of awesomeness!!!" a now nearly drunkin Edge said leaning over the Grandmaster. "I'm glad you like it, you just be chillin like villains, and have yourself a good time..." Grandmaster said in response. Jeff Hardy struggled to stand up, "I'm going to attempt to hit the swanton," He said while his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and then falling on the couch behind him. His girlfriend Katrina, went outside to find her friend Angelina and tell her that they all should get going. "Hey Angelina, Jeff's pretty much nailed to the floor so we are leaving, are you and Hunter gonna stay and get another ride, or do you wanna come with us?"
Angelina looked over at Hunter, he had taken his shirt off and took a sip of beer, spit it up and all over himself, just like he does with his water in the ring. "Shit my eyes!" he said as he tossed the beer bottle hitting and breaking on the bald head of Stone Cold Steve Austin. "I think we can leave with you." Angelina said. Katrina and Angelina collected everyone that was leaving with them to pile in Jeff's van. "Jeff, baby, why don't you give Hunter the keys?" Katrina asked. "Katrina NO! It's my shag-mobile, I can.......BURP........ drive it!" he responded. "If you give the keys to Hunter, I'll let you touch me in naughty places in the back seat??" Jeff raised an eyebrow, and Edge and Christian said simultaneously, "I'll take the back seat!" Jeff threw the keys to Hunter, who unlocked the van. "Fall in crew." Hunter said opening the vans sliding door. Edge, Christian, Jeff, Katrina, and his girlfriend Angelina, all looked at each other awkwardly. And then all said, "Whoa!" and "FELL" into the van. "Ok i didn't actually mean 'fall' in..." Hunter closed the door and went to the drivers side. Jeff removed his pants, so Katrina could do naughty things. Angelina looked gazingly at Hunter in the front. She smiled, she loved him so much. He smiled back at her, the feeling was mutual. "I love you" she whispered. " I..." Hunter said begining to say i love you, then continued to say, "I.... Think everyone needs to get readddyyyyy to sssssssssssuckkkk
ittttttttttttttttttttttt........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jeff And Hunter both did a crotch chop. And then Katrina and Angelina both knelt down and began to please there men. Edge and Christian felt a bit wierd in the van, with both Jeff and Hunter getting head, They stared at eachother for a moment, then slowly Christian unzipped his fly. Edge looked at him and then whispered in his ear "Just hold me." leaning his head on Christian's shoulder. "PRUDE" christian said under his breath. The van was silent for a few minutes until Jeff yelled out "HA! Hunter I beat you! I came first!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha! woooo!" Jeff stood up as Katrina wiped her lower lip. Jeff went And opened the sun roof standing out of it, "woooo I'm The King of the World, Not the King of the Ring, King of the World wooooo!!!!" Hunter and Angelina finished up. "Get him down!" Hunter said to everyone in the back. "I can't drive with him like this!!!" Hunter turned around to see Edge, Christian, and Katrina all trying to pull Jeff down. When BOOM!!!! Christian had thought of an idea! "Turn on his radio, that will get him back into the car." "WoW great idea Christian!" Angelina exclaimed then turned the cassette that was in the radio. Jeff above the car heard everyone begin his favorite toon by Billy Joel ............Sing Me a song Piano Man, Sing me a song Tonight...... Jeff climed back into the car to hear the voices of all his friends sing. .......Cause we're in the mood for a melody, and we've got it feeling alright. Li di di di da da........ BOOM! BANG!! "JEFF! why the fuck did you hit me!" Edge screamed rubbing the backof his head.
"You are off tune! You were ALL off tune! You are completely ruining Billy Joel! And I will not have that in my Van!" "If we were all off, then why did you just hit me?" Edge asked. "Because I like you the least, and hate you the most!" He said, "Next song please,"
Hunter said,"Okay enough of your Billy Joel crap," and he turned on the radio the music of LeAnne Rimes started, "Here perfect." They all began to sing, "How to live without you, i want to know, how do i breath without you if you were to go, how do i ever...ever sssssurvive" they all tried to hit the high notes, but no one could, which made Jeff angry and he stuck his head out the sun roof again... "AHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHH, Hunter......STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jeff screamed, and Hunter pressed on the breaks......STRRRRRREEEEEEEEACH.... Jeff came back into the car.
"Oh No. Is it dead?" everyone looked out there windows... "No, its moving...Look, its walking." Hunter added "Aww, its so precious." Edge said
They all wacthed as a deer, that Hunter almost hit, walked past the car and into the woods.
"That was really beautiful, continue please." They all sat silently for a little while and then, Hunter said, "Oh shit."
"What did you forget?" Angelina asked him. "I think i just hit someone, I gotta take a look at this." Everyone got out of the car. Jeff still not wearing any pants, Christain fly was still down, and they walked toward the body, Hunter said, "I don`t run people over with cars, I hire other people to....i mean...You can`t run people over with cars."
As they approched the body Katrina screamed, "OH MY G0D!" "Who is it?" they all asked.
"I don`t give a damn i just broke a nail, people." "Oh, G0d, you poor thing,"Angelina looked at Katrina`s nail, "I have some crazy glue in my purse, it`ll fix that right up." "Oh G0d, this is a tragedy" Hunter began, "Get her the glue fast." "Okay" Angelina went back into the car, and took the glue out, "See everything is perfect now." Katrina looked at her nail, "Aww thanks, you`re the best." The two hugged.
Triple H then said, "Aww...I just wanna hug all of you, come on group hug" as they stood and embraced one another, the object that they hit stood up!
The all gasped, they were so surprised. Then Angelina said, "Stand back guys, I`ve been trained." Whipped a gun out of her purse and started shooting, the person, who was now be identified as ´The Ninth Idiot Of The World´ She shot every bullet that was in the gun at Chyna. Chyna lie flat and bloody on the cold cement. They all looked on in shock with jaws dropped to the ground. Christain put his head in his hands and began to cry, "Why, Angelina, why?" he continued, "Did you not save any bullets for the rest of our targeting practice, you never leave any of the fun stuff for us." "We have a bigger problem on our hands, we just killed someone," Jeff being the rationalist, said, everyone stared at him, with the reliezation, he was right, then he continued, "What are we gonna do to the body?"
"That question, is really that damn good, what are we gonna do? are we just gonna stand here, are we just gonna talk, were gonna spew, Well thats not what I`m about to do, let me tell you what I`m gonna do, I`m about to...."
"Hunter...Hunter..." Edge said, "Do we have to listen toa 20 minute promo at a time like this, you know what we have to do." Everyone nodded their heads, they knew what needed to be done, "Christain can you please get the camera, Flash Photography, this will take 5 seconds people, just 5 seconds, bare with me."
"Oh shit theres a car, maybe we should ask for some help," Christain said. Their heads turned they saw a car about to drive there way. Christain ran into the middle of the highway, waving down the pick up truck, they were all scared, what would this man say. He stepped out of the truck, and Christain began, "Listen, we need some help, my friends and I were driving down the road...and well, this sorta thing doesn`t happen everyday," He paused, "Well, i feel kinda wierd asking you this, do you mind, just snapping a picture of the 6," Hunter interupped, "The 7" he said kicking Chyna with his boot. Christain proceeded, "I`m sorry, i mean the 7 of us, together?" The man looked sickened by what happened, "Sure, no problems guys, gather together."
The gathered around Chyna dead rotting carcus. Angelina on the cell phone talking to Tazz about how she could just not belive...how Christain just stopped a man on the highway, Jeff standing with no pants on, Katrina painting her nail that had broke earlier, Edge brushing his teeth, Christain combing his hair, and Hunter kneeling down next to her with two thumbs up,
The man looked at all of them, around the dead body and said, "SMILE Y`ALL!"
After that was all done and taken care of, they tried to deciede what to do with the body.
Edge through out an idea, "Why don`t we give her to Essa Rios, I think his people eat these kind of things."
Katrina shot down his idea by saying, "You can`t do that, are you sick?....Her breast are made of plastic, what do you want Essa to choke?!?"
"No, I guess not sorry"
Then Christain said, "We can like totally give it to The Undertaker." Hunter replied saying, "No, no, thats no good, rememeber he changed his gimmick, he`s the American BadAss now, don`t you know he comes out on the little bike and everything, remember? remember?" "Oh right...yea umm, lets think of something else." "I know this is gonna sound really bad, but maybe we just leave it here." Angelina suggested.
Then Jeff said, "Angelina NO! You can`t just leave a dead body here, a car could run over it, and the people in the car could get hurt!" "Oh, yea, your right, and we wouldn`t wanna hurt anybody, I mean, we`re wrestlers not murderers."
"Yea." Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. "Oh, guys, i know, i saw this in a movie once," Katrina said, "Just throw her in the river."
They all stared at her for a second, "OH my G0d your so smart." Each person gave Katrina a high five.
"Now why didn`t I think of that, I was the mastermind behind the Austin Hit and Run!"
"Yea, you were," Jeff said, "That was really good, I mean people said I do crazy things, but that was classsic."Jeff said still wearing no pants.
Hunter interupted, "No whats classic are those underwear you are wearing, I mean most guys wear boxers, but i am a tighty whities guy myself."
"Why Thank you," Jeff said, adjusting the tight band around his waist breathing in, with his hands on his hips, and his chin up. They all decieded to pick the body up to take it into the van. "120 lbs my ass." Angelina said with her arms under Chyna. "She never said she was 120, it was 150." Katrina said. "Hmmm...no" Angelina agrued back, the both dropped a leg of Chyna, and started yelling at eachother.
"120!"
"150!"
"120!"
"150!"
Triple H dropping the middle of Chyna and saying, "You guys is this something to about argue about now, it was 200 lbs, bottom line!" Katrina and Angelina say at the same time, "Was not!" "Was to!"
"Was not!"
"Was to!"
Then Christain yelled out, while dropping Chyna`s head, Edge and Jeff struggled to hold her up by just her arms, "It was 165, now can we please get her in the car?"
"Thats not going into my car." Jeff yelled, as he dropped the right arm. Edge dropped the other arm, and Chyna falls on the ground, "Well where the hell did you think it was going?!"
Hunter said, "Can we please figure this our before next christmas." Then Katrina asked, "Oh what are your plans?" "For what!?" Hunter said in angry tone.
"For Christmas." she said innocently.
"Ohhhhh," Hunter said now calmer, "Actually Ang and I thought we`d go home, I`m a real sucker...for a white christmas." "Awww. Thats so sweet, Jeff and I are going to North Carolina." Then Edge perked up one finger, straightened his posture and said in the mid summer night, "Merry Christmas guys." and hugged them all. Triple H noticed Christain not in the hug, "Get over here Christain gimme some lovin"
"But you guys," Christain stated, "I`m Jewish." Katrina then said, "aww, ´Christain´ you`re ´Jewish´?" He said slyly waving, and not making eye contact,"Yea, Shalom Bi´note" "What the fuck is that suppose to mean," Hunter said grabbing Christain collar, "I`m a lot of bi things, but I`m bilingual, and im not bi´note, did I mean to say that?" He pondered to himself. Christain, then said, while fixing his collar, "Bi´not is children, Shalom Children"
Then everyone said together, "Awwww. shalom Christain!" They all got into the van, Triple H driving happily away, he felt this was a true bonding experince. Everyone was asking Christain how to say words in Hebrew, "Well shalom means, hello, peace, and it also means goodbye."
"Try and use it in a sentenace." Edge said. Christain looked about 2˝ miles behind where they were previosly, and said, "Shalom, Chyna shalom."
Then went on to explain, "See the first shalom was Peace the second was goodbye, so what I`m actually saying is: Peace Chyna, goodbye." "Ohhh." they all nodded understanding.
"Goodbye?!" Hunters yelled, "Shit we forgot Chyna!" Driving 3 miles in revearse, getting back where they were, "I didn`t notice a bump before did you?" Jeff said. "Oh fuck we`re on Chyna."
Angelina rubbed Hunters head, "No, we`re still here, where we have been all night, we haven`t gone to China."
"No, we`re ON TOP of Chyna, you know the ´Ninth Idiot of the World." "ooohhhh."
He backed up, off of Chyna and everyone got out of the car once again to get Chyna.
Hunter then asked, "Where we gonna put her?" "In the trunk." Angelina answered.
"No, if it`s alright, I really kinda felt like sitting in the trunk." Edge said
"Oh, okay, no problem." everyone agreed. "We could sit her next to Christain." Hunter said. Then Jeff went on to say, "Damn guys, I really don`t want it in my van." "Why can`t we put her on the roof?" Katrina suggested. "We can`t....maybe we should put it on the roof." Hunter announced. They got it up onto the roof, and started driving to the river, they were all mentally prepared to throw the body into the river, as they sang, "EVERYBODIES GONE SURFIN SURFIN USA!......" Hunter turned the radio off, and everyone got very serious, they knew what he was about to say, "You guys, I`m really tired, can we go back to the hotel and just deal with this tomorrow." Angelina then said, "HUNTER, are you crazy? We can`t go back to that beautiful hotel with a dead body on the roof, why don`t we just go to a nice resturant, you`ll get something to eat you`ll have a cup of coffe, you`ll feel replenished."
"Okay." Hunter pulled into a diner.
They got out and had a little something to eat, when they returned to the van, there was people looking at Chyna`s body. "Alright shows over." Hunter said, "Just because we are wrestlers that doesn`t mean we should have no privacy, please no pictures, he has not pants on." He said pointing to Jeff.
Everyone looked over at Jeff, who now felt a bit akward, standing in his underwear, so he waved his hand not making eye contact, "Shalom Bi'note."
Christain felt a tear from his eye, he was so fond that he taught Jeff something.
"I`m proud of you brother," Christain stated as he hugged Jeffery Nero Hardy.
Edge feeling a bit jealous, said, "Shalom." as they got into the car, and hopped into the trunk.
"alright, is everyone comfortable."
Then Edge said, while scratching his head,"No, I kinda feel like sitting on the roof now."
"No Edge," Christain began, "Please just stay back here, you are my brother too."
Edge felt included again.
They drove to the river, got her body off the roof, threw her in, wacthing her body sink to the bottom, they all watched in silence. 1 Year Later~
The six of them had been separated, Triple H was now the commish, and champion of the WWF, Jeff was out on injury, from a fatal swanton bomb sat home writing stupid fan fictions about his friends in the wwf all day, Edge had been appearing in Colgate Tarter Control toothpaste commericals, Christain had become a Rabbi to find innner peace (Shalom) with G0d, Angelina and Katrina were living together in New York City working together as private dicks.
Chyna's body was found a few weeks after they dumped it into the river... apparently, silicon floats...
One day while Ang and Kat were home a letter arrived in the mail. There was no return address, but the back of the envolope read, 'LAST SUMMERslam'
They both looked at eacthother, took a deep breath and opened it. It was a picture six of them crowed around a run down Chyna, Katrina turned the picture of and the back read:
DUDES:
REMEMBER LAST SUMMER? IT TOTALLY REEKED OF AWESOMENESS! WE`LL HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN THIS SUMMER!
LOVE:
EDGE
