No Escape 2004 Results
Presented by Sheehy 209
HoCkEy HaSh-OuT FrOm HeLL MaTcH
SpIcY JaKe DeFeAtEd Al FrAzIeR
The rules for this match were simple. Whoever could get their opponents' hockey jersey off 3 times first would be victorious. Al and Jake both dawned Boston Bruins jersies, and brought with them to the ring a hockey net, and small sticks. The action was intense, to say the least.
Jake was ahead 2-0 when Al retaliated after hitting the wall. It looked like Jake's head hit the couch cushion, and Al capitalized on that opportunity getting on the board.
The tension was hot in the ring, as the huge crowd cheered on. In the end, it was Spicy Jake who decided that there wouldn't be a tie-breaker, as he got the last point, winning 3-1, overcoming "The Amazing" Al Frazier.
RoBoT DeAtH MaTcH
TANDY 2000 DeF. MB12091
The surprise match of the night was a Robot Death Match, where the first one to fall would lose. MB12091 and TANDY2000 went at it for a long time, smacking chests, and going crazy. 2000 was about to finish the match when MB called for the Jake Robot.
MB and the Jake Robot attacked 2000 in a sick and twisted way that ended up getting 4 wiffleballs thrown at him. This didn't settle well with 2000 as he pushed MB to he would trip over Jake and fall to the ground. TANDY2000 was then declared the winner.
TwO OuT Of ThRee FaLLs
AdAm DaLtOn DeF. KaTe DoRe
*The rematch from last year began with a bang. Adam and Kate went at it in the ring when Adam fell to the floor. The referee called "1 Fall" when he was corrected that fall meant PINfall. Thus, the call was stricken from the record books, and Adam took Kate down, then going for the 1-2-3 and succeeding.
It was 1-0 in favor of Adam when Kate got the adrenaline rush. She wasn't going to let Adam reign supreme. She wanted to repeat last year. We saw signs of that, as she wrestled Adam up and down every side, every corner of the ring-- finally getting him to the ground, and rolling him up for the pin.
Now, it was a tie. One fall would decide all. At No Escape 2004, that fall went to Adam Dalton of 209. Adam sealed the deal after a series of moves that ended with Kate being slammed to the ground. Kate's alright, but we know she won't accept this loss.
CaSkEt MaTcH FoR ThE #1 CoNtEnDeRsHiP
ThE EviL AnDu DeF. DaNzA
The concept of this match wasn't that of a casket match you might see on TV. This was a regular one-on-one match, with the loser being ceremoniously put inside the casket to be in there for the entire next match.
Danza and Andu went through each other, it was a battle like no other. We saw clotheslines, and superkicking, early on.
Both men knew that the winner would face the 209 Heavyweight Champion in the spring the Friday after Easter (event name TBA). Thus, they gave it all they had-- and Andu jumped off the corner of the ring attempting the leg drop to no avail as Danza moved out of the way. Danza was all set to finish The Evil Andu off when out of nowhere, Andu gets Danza in a pinning predicament.
The Evil Andu got the 1-2-3, and the lights went out. The No Escape theme music played, and 2 mysterious men brought out the casket. It took 2 others to help out in putting Danza inside. Now, The Evil Andu will go one-on-one with the winner of the No Holds Barred Championship match later on in the night.
DeAdLy GaMeS MaTcH
KeViN HaKaNssOn DeF. JoN CuRtIs
The first challenge was to see who could hold their breath underwater the longest. Kevin went first and only stayed under for 14 seconds. Curtis went next, and beat him at 15- but was actually under for 35.
*Next came Rock/Paper/Scissors.... where there would only be ONE round to determine who's the master. Nate Potter, Senior Referee called "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot.." to which the 2 men both threw down rock. The match wasn't over as they went again with Kevin throwing scissors, and Jon throwing paper. Kevin wins.
It was 1-1 when the Saltines competition took place. It was a "Who can eat the most saltines in a minute without water" contest. Both men had 3 full saltines, to which it was deemed a tie.
The fourth challenge was indeed needed... Trivia. Nick Lawrence busted out the Trivial Pursuit and asked a series of questions, to which whoever got 3 first would win. A lot of wrong answers came thereafter until Kevin got on the board, Jon following after. It became 2-2, and when the last question was asked, Hakansson hit the buzzer, getting his question correct, and winning this challenge.
Technically, Kevin won 3-2 if there was a tie in the saltines round. But the fans wanted to see Paper Football. Therefore, the tie was given to Curtis.
Paper Football ensued to see who the Deadly Games master was. The game was really messed up, but with the way we were having them play, Kevin was victorious in the final competion, defeating his long-time rival, Jon Curtis. The two shook hands after the match congratulating one another.
InFlAtAbLe WeApOnS OnLy/I QuIt MaTcH
TiM BrAuLt Vs. MiKe BeAuDoIn, No CoNtEsT
When Tim and Mike entered the ring, there was an inflatable weapon at every corner of the ring... a guitar, a piano, a palm tree, and a fish. These were the only weapons they could use-- not even their bare hands.
These 2 went nuts on each other, circling the ring and continuously taking each other down.
We thought we had seen the end of the match until Mike and Tim brought the action over to ringside near the camera.
Finally, the two had had enough of the angry competition, first insulting each other, then at the same time hitting their opponent right in the head. Both men fell to the mat, and didn't answer a 10-count-- almost as if it were a Last Man Standing Match. Referee Nate Potter asked both men if they quit, and they did... at the same time.
209 Vs. 309 TaG TeAm MaTcH
TeAm 209 (HaRdCoRe & ThE MaSkEd MaShEr Of MaYhEm) DeF. TeAm 309 (TiM BrAuLt & CoWbOy JuLiUs HaYdN)
This was an impromptu tag match brought up from Tim to the Masked Masher backstage while recooperating from the last match. MMM's original opponent, Tony Bananas, didn't make it to No Escape so the challenge was on.
Tim and the Masked Masher started things off, locking up with a lot of take-downs. Tim clotheslined MMM after ripping his mask off, and that called for a break. Hardcore was tagged in, and went absolutely crazy on Brault after swearing he wouldn't wrestle tonight because of what happened last year when he threw up.
Hardcore was all about keeping the 209 name prestigious, as Julius tagged in for 309, also showing a little bit of craziness. MMM was tagged back in, as he speared Julius, then powerslamming him to the ground.
Julius tagged out, and it was back to Tim vs. the Masked Masher. Suddenly out of nowhere, Kevin Hakansson interfers in the match on behalf of 309. That called for the 209 World Heavyweight Champion Jeremy Trott to represent his suite. All four ring were in the ring with Jeremy and Kevin, until Kevin attacked Hardcore and Nate turned around. This made it able for Jeremy to attack Tim Brault.
The attack paid off, as the Masked Masher of Mayhem went for the pinfall as Hardcore and Jeremy held off Kevin and Julius, scoring the victory for Team 209.
LuMbErJaCk MaTcH FoR ThE NoRtH AmErIcAn ChAmPiOnShIp
KeViN WaLLaCk DeF. KeViN HaKaNssOn
Corey Bayko was unable to fight Kevin due to priorities at work. The night went on too fast to be able to wait an hour for Corey. That gave Kevin Hakansson an opportunity to retaliate.
The rules of a lumberjack match are as follows: Everyone attending No Escape will surround the ring making sure that the two Kevin's stay in the ring-- because if they leave, they would be beaten back inside.
So much happened in this impromptu match. There were so many times we thought we were gonna see a new champion. Such was not the case tonight at No Escape 2004, as Kevin Wallack got his pinfall that he needed to successfully defend his 209 North American Championship.
JoN CuRtIs DeF. DaNzA
The crowd was asked if anyone wanted to have a match, any match at all. Two men who competed earlier in the night, Danza and Jon Curtis, took this opportunity to let out a lot of aggression-- for losing their respective matches earlier.
Both men thought they couldn't be losers at No Escape. Unfortunately, one of them was going to be Eternal Loser, and would lose twice in the evening. That man was Danza. Danza fell to Jon Curtis early on, proving that he cannot take double duty.
No HoLdS BaRReD MaTcH FoR ThE 209 WoRlD HeAvYwEiGhT ChAmPiOnShIp
JeReMy TrOtt (ChAmPiOn) DeF. KyLe RaSmUssEn
Falls Count Anywhere. Anything goes weapon-wise. NO RULES!
This year, Jeremy did not wear his singlet, as he was all business in wanting to destroy the Cape Cod native Kyle Rasmussen.
This started out as your typical high school wrestling match with a lot of fast hold action. Kyle brought Jeremy over to where the TV was, smashing him into the counter. Jeremy then came back, jumping on Kyle's back and holding their for a good couple of minutes.
A pinfall was attempted just outside the ring, but it didn't end. The two men brought it back into the center of the ring, to finish the match the way they started it.
All the pent up aggression hit the floor, the chips hit the fan, the fat lady sang. Jeremy wasn't going to let the title leave 209 Sheehy. He wanted to make Kyle tap out! And that he did, in the center of the ring. The crowd could tell that Kyle was beat after having not wrestled since high school. Jeremy locked some sort of armbar bringing Kyle to mat, forcing him to submit.
Indeed, Jeremy retained the 209 World Heavweight Championship at No Escape. After the match, Trott was handed the belt to which it broke, and balloons fell from the ceiling. Yes, No Escape 2004 was a success!!!
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© 2004 Sheehy 209, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
