Mike's thoughts on WWF Monday Night Raw for May 7th on TNN at 9pm until 11 pm
My retarded brother he's off vistin cousints and so I wrote this week's report. A couple of things y'all need to know bout me is that you can't beat the retard/ugly out of people cause believe me i've tried with the mark. Also, ratings are for sucks cause I don't rate matches, i just want who's got something coming to get there just rewards one way or another, that's how we handle things down in Magee. Also, I was wondering how many of you out there think my brother is a fuckin moron, send him email and tell him!
What the hell here comes Fatass Foley he's been fired and Fatass Rikishi he messes with the boss
Oh great, so this week we get to hear this jackass for 20 minutes to open this show, well i gots better things to do than listen to this idiot try to sell his new book and make the fans cheer for him cause he used to be a maniac but now he's nothin but a fat bloated sissy. Must of been the marriage thing cause my buddy joebob he used to be cool two till that ugly bitch beverly tricked him into gettin married and now he aint got his balls nomore. Ah christ, is he done yit? Thank god out comes the big boss, the man with the grapefruits the size of bowlin balls, the dude you absolutely dont mess with, vince mcmahon. And hell, what about his head bitch stephanie? She's a mighty fine piece of ass dont ya thank? He tells sorry ass mick to get the hell out of the building and he calls out king fatass himself Rikishi. So vince tells Rikishi to attack foley but the big bloated bastard must be heard of hearin cause he attacks comissioner Regal instead. Hell, that's grounds for firin if I ever seen it, and I know in some parts you supposed to be equal opportunity and all that crap but just because Rikishi is a colored man don't mean his fat ass ought nat be fared for that insubordination. As punishment, vince says he's gonna fight Stone Cold tonight, who i ain't afraid to say kicks some major ass.
Chris Benwah ain't nothin but a stinkin theif and down in magee we know how to deal with thems types of folks oh and Bradshaw is a dope
Curt Angle asks edge and christian to help find his medals, which is cool cause every man needs a posse when it's time to raise a little hell and mess with some shit and stuff like that but hell, Benwah is a tough dude but he aint my frickin olympic champ, he's just some wanna be puke. Angle is gonna take some hyde off that sellout Bradshaw tonight just watch. I mean ok, Bradshaw he's a tough dude and he drinks beer so shit I can relate but he cares about what the damn morons think like my retarded brother mark and all his goofy ass, crooked eyed friends. So Angle is kickin this sellouts Tex-ass when that sorry bastard Benwah is shown at the yankee eatery (WWF NY) paradin round with thems medals. He's lucky he aint gonna be comin to Magee cause down here you steal somethin from your neighbor and you lose a finger cause we do things by a method called community justice. Angle gets pissed at Benwah and so Bradshaw cheaps him with a clothesline and Angle goes to git Benwah. And so what Angle stole a car, he's got shit to take care of, it will get back to it's rightful owner when the job has bin done.
Eddie the dirty mexican got his ass kicked by Rhyno just so Lita would be safe, hold the bucket for me please cause i'm gonna fuckin yack!
This match this is one of them six man tag deals with the Hardy boys who of course are just glorified faggots and the dirty spic Eddie against Rhyno who's a bad mf and the coolest guys in the WWF, edge and christian (hey mark that's thar names you stupid bastard). Oh Matt Hardy he don't trust Eddie well even though matt and jeff have wrists that flop round in a light brezee i can't say i blame them cause i never met a dirty spic i could trust neither. No offense to all you spics out there but I would be doing an injustice to all the people if I didn't give it to you straight. So the hardys won't tag Eddie till the very end and then Eddie starts winning but not for long cause Rhyno he's gonna drill a hole into her solarplexes with his spear but Eddie gets in the way on purpose just to save the bitch! What the hell, unless you think your gonna get some sort of sexual favors in return, let the dumb chick get her's. What the hell is she doing in the ring fighting with the men anyhow? Her ass should be in the kitchen, whippin up grits and eggs, or in the bedroom providin me with some lovin cause that's about all their good for anyhow.
Jerry Lynn beat Crashed and Taka Mitchinoclue and Grand Faggot Sexay for the light heavyweight title
Well god these guys they need to git some meat on their bones or something I mean damn. It's not like smaller guys can't fight cause like I'm only 5'9" and 185 lbs. but I can beat just about anybody's ass in Magee but these guys spend way two much time doing all that flippin around and dancin around shit, just get in the ring and beat the hell out of each other ok. Grand Faggot is a pansy, Taka is just a freakin runt, Crash can barely get out of his own way, and Jerry Lynn seems like a tough guy but I ain't seen this guy before, maybe he should come to "The Waterin Hole" on 3rd street and we'll see what a tough guy he thinks he is and bring that stupid little kid title with ya.
Undertaker talks a lot of shit, period!
Undertaker you used to be a bad ass I'll give you that but what are you know about 50 years old? Your way past your prime pal and Stone Cold is the king at bustin people up and come your match next week, Stone Cold's gonna show you what stompin a madhole is all bout bitch. You talk about oh I'm gonna make some snake skin boots well big frickin deal anybody can go down to Walmarts and have that done so tell me something that I'm gonna actually give three of four shits about. You ain't at the arena cause your sacred, you messed with the whole dude and your gonna pay. Ask that fuckin retard brother of yours bout what happened to his arm? I no real good how its like to have a retard for a brother but at least I aint no old out of shape bitch riding a bike. I drive what a real man drives, a 1972 black chevy camaro, not some wuss job motorbike.
That whiny little punk Chris Jericho won a steel cage match against William Regal
Chris Jericho may think he's a funny little prankster just cause he took a piss in Regal's drink but hell that ain't nothin. You want a prank, well how bout taking your retarded brother, telling him that the Rock is waiting down to the Peoples bank of Mendenhall about 15 miles away (hell I really like this one), droppin him at the front door and then leavin. Now thats a good prank! My brother he's so damn stupid I got him 3 times in a single week with that one once. William regal ya no he may act like a real pussy sometimes but that is just his cover cause he really could beat some ass if he had two, just ask Jericho. Chris Fagicho was gettin his ass kicked just liked he deserved for bein a pain in the ass to the boss but in the end he kicked the steel door in Regal's face and he won the match. Well enjoy it you sorry bastard cause now your gonna have to deal with Vince.
HHH and Stone Cold are the shit, they could mess anybody up, and they got a kick ass song
This was one of thems music videos for HHH and Stone Cold cause as everybody knows, they can kick some major ass. And the music, it aint no wallowin in my beer, my stupid bitch left me again honky tonk riff like my brother likes, its rock and roll man and it gets me pumped up just thinkin bout it. And earth to retard, Marilyn Manson is the name of a band, its not a chick mark but i didnt spect much more from you than to think that cause that's why your a god damn retard!
Stone Cold and Rikishi get interviewed about their match tonight and I did an interview once too
Stone Cold says undertaker is gutless and he is a coward and hell I couldn't agree more. Rikishi is the son of a bitch who tried to end Steve Austin's life by hitting him with a car and he says somebody is going to get a stinkface. Oh god, I can almost smell that flithy ass from right through my tv screen and if anybody has to get his stinky ass in the face it better be mick foley. So once i got interviewed for television but they didn't put it on tv cause the sorry bastards must have shit for brains or something but they asked me how I felt about that stupid vote they did a few weeks ago to change the state flag and I said hell no that confederate flag is part of our long time heritage and so what the hell is wrong that that. They wasn't gonna sissify our state flag and thank god there were enough red blooded mississippi citizens who felt this way too.
Oh christ can we please keep the chicks out of the wrestling ring cause they ain't got no business there specially Lita and Molly
Lita and Molly had a stupid chick fight in the ring while that sheman Chyna was hangin out at ringside. First of all, Chyna it wasn't too long ago that you used to look like a man 'member? So after some fake boobs and havin a doctor beat the ugly out of your face, your now supposed to be some sort of babe? Well, maybe you ought to go back to that doctor and have thems fix your voice cause you still sound like a dude. And Lita, you little rebel chick, you is what we call a wild woman. You probably just need a good size dick in the back door and that'll calm you down a bit and lord knows the gay matt hardy he'll try to enter but he ain't got the size to get the job done. Hell your a hot bitch though so if you need some straightin out, stop by Magee and I'll fix you up right quick. And Molly, go make me some god damn breakfast! Lita won this match, she spanked Chyna, big fricken whoop! Chyna, instead of worrying about spanking, you ought worry about getting some seed and plant food and shit cause you gotta replant that ugly tree cause you broke every branch while you fell down it and killed the damn tree.
Debra is plain and simple an ignorant bitch who don't know her place, period!
Hey Debra, we here in Magee have a little saying that if a man asks you to go and get him a cup of coffee, well you better damn well do it with a smile on your face. What an ingrate, if I were stone cold, I'd leave the old lady at home next time and teach her a little lesson in graditude. Hell Debra the only thing that anybody ever cared about were your large tits and you mind as well take your opinions and put them in a bottle and chuck the bottle into the ocean and mind your manners.
Dudley Boys rassle with XFactor in a table match but there is actually something in this world that I agree with my retarded brother on
And that is that XPac sucks donkey dick. I hate XPac cause he's frickin boring and he's a bone smoker and them other jerks Albert and Justin and just so wicked gay to even be with this idiot. The Dudley boys are fat, bloated pieces of dump two and big deal they can throw somebody through a table that looks like it was made from a piece of cardboard. My retarded brother says "I gotta go to the bathroom when XPac is on TV and I don't know why". Well, why is cause they suck and I'm on my fourth beer and I would rather spend those three minutes of my life taking a piss and getting ready for another beer than watching the gay xfactor, that's why. My brother is a complete moron and that's why he don't understand ya see. Who won this match, you say? Who the fuck cares!
Benwah is gonna pay for messing with Angle's medals, he put them down his pants
So the deal was Benwah was at WWF NY and Angle went to get him, but then Benwah drove to the arena while Angle was on his way to WWF NY. So that makes Benwah not only a thief but a felon on the run as well. So he says he's gonna keep Angle's medals safe and puts those medals down his pants which is big time crossing the line. I gots a message for Curt Angle. If you need a posse to help you git back them medals, send me an email and I'll round up some of the boys, we'll get our shotguns polished up real nice and pertey, and we'll go teach this goofy canadian a lesson he'll never forget. Where did I put that bed sheet? What the hell, is this laundry day or something?
Did you go see that movie Mummy Returns cause I guess a lot of sucks did I hear
So they show the Rock and so he's some big hollyweird star now and that's fine cause Vince did the right thing by kicking him out of the WWF and if we're all lucky he'll never come back. Suppose now we'll start seeing Rock talking about save the whales and protect the environment and crap like that like all thems hollyweird types do. I got somethin to say to those types, shut your fuckin mouth please! We all live in the real world with real problems and you fruitcakes talk to people like theys stupid or something, just stick to acting and save your politics for your stupid ass dinner parties and shit like that. So did anybody see the movie? I ain't gonna ruin it for anybody except to say that the Scorpion king dies in the end and so does Imotep and his stupid bitch, but Encino man lives and so do the rest of the "good" guys, the whole damn thing made me sick.
Stone Cold served up an ass whippin southern style and beat the hell out of Rikishi but Stephanie got messed with bad
Well this all starts with that jerk Mick Foley buying a ticket and coming back to the arena in the front row, what a scam that is. Vince is out to the ring and he brings Steph with him, now I think probably Steph should not come to ringside cause I know she's the bosses daughter and she can but she needs to remember where she belongs, in the office making decisions and stuff but no offense Steph, that's just the way me and the boys feel bout it. So Austin is beating the wholly hell out of fat ass but then he by some stroke of frickin luck almost beats Austin. So then the boss comes in and fat ass kicks Vince in the head, which his ass bitter be fired for! So then fat ass is gonna pin Austin again but Stephanie gets in the ring, and see this is exactly what us boys were talking about cause Stephanie is drop dead gorgeous but she puts herself in danger by messing with these guys. So fat ass tries to attack her but Austin runs them all into the corner and gets the stunner and pins fat ass Rikishi. So now Austin says it's time to beat the hell out of Mick Foley but Rikishi gets a chair and now Steph is out in the corner and Foley has the chair. So that fat bastard goes and gives Stephanie the stink face. Now hell, Stephanie is hot and me and the boys agree that we could definately see the stink face going the other way as in us getting a stink face from Stephanie, but that disgusting bastard did the unthinkable and if I were Vince, he better fire Rikishi and send his ass back to samoa or wherever the hell he came from.
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Raw report for shows from before this weeks show