We see a replay of the highlights of all the matches in the King Karnage tournament as Evanescence's "Going Under" plays. We see the Hot Potato, The Glass Menagerie, The Buckets of Fun, the Redneck Water Torture, the Exploding Turnbuckles, The Junkyard Divas, The Hell on Wheels, The Meatlocker, The Iron Maiden, and finally, the Blood Dumpster. A shot of Jugernaut, Weltmeister, and Brian Graves is displayed with an image of the nWo Championship emblazons the screen below them.
The shot goes inside the Grandslam USA Arena in Mobile Alabama as the fans go nuts. Everyone holds up signs of their pick to win the Rooftop Kennel Match tonight. The scene settles on Hank, who is sitting at the announce table alone.
Hank- Welcome to King Karnage ladies and gentlemen. It has certainly been a long and interesting road this year, with some of the most appalling and unreal matches ever seen in professional wrestling. Tonight the crown and the World Championship will be decided in the Rooftop Kennel match featuring Jugernaut, Weltmeister, and Brian Graves.
As we have heard it, Cheapshots has not yet been cleared to wrestle since his knee injury became a reality in the House of Mirrors match. Since its been a month since his last defense, and no promise of one in the near future, Ichabod has reluctantly stripped Cheapshots of his title and put it on the line tonight.
In other sad news, Michael D. will not be announcing tonight as he has taken very ill this week. But Ichabod has promised that the new ring announcer will take his place in a special appearance for this pay per view only!
Lets get on with the show shall we?
I'm Hungry by Howard Thompson plays over the PA as Hungry Howard comes down to the ring with a bunch of food items and than eats thems. Then Mexican Jackhammer Grangier pops out from under the ring where he lives and enters the ring.
The bell sounds starting the beginning of what should be an amazingly psychotic encounter between "Hungry Hungry" Howard and Mexican Jackhammer Grainger. HHH tries to end the match quickly with a headbutt to the heaad of MJG, but MJG moved out of the way just in time causing HHH to go head first into the top turnbuckle. MJG looks over and laughs, but makes a rookie mistake when he turns around laughing and HHH comes from behind with a tire iron he grabbed that was tied to the ring post. HHH swings hard and nails MJG right on the back of the hand.
Hank- Id have to call that bad aim on the part of HHH. He should have nailed him in the temple, but apparently he doesnt know any better. Oh well I guess thats to be expected from someone who names himself after a board game. Anyways on to the match.
MJG is lying on the mat crying for his mommy as HHH is jumping up and down celebrating thinking he has already won the match. The ref goes over to HHH to tell him its not over but HHH swings the tire iron at the ref and miraculously hits him in the head without even trying.
Hank- Nice move on the ref by HHH even though he didnt mean to hit him in the head.
The ref is knocked out cold and HHH doesnt know what to do since both his opponent and the ref are laid out. HHH goes and sits in the corner crying since he doesnt have anyone to fight when surprisingly MJG jumps back onto his feet. MJG tells HHH to bring it. Jokingly HHH tells him its already been brung. MJG charges at HHH but HHH tries to step out of the way. Being the complete retard he is, he steps backwards instead of sideways therefore still getting hit with an MJG spear. MJG runs to the ropes and jumps over them executing a picture perfect high cross body landing on the floor. He hits the ground with a thud since he wasnt smart enough to try landing on his feet. MJG gets back up and reaches under the ring pulling out a table. He tosses the table into the ring. MJG gets back into the ring but HHH is one step ahead of him having already set up the table. HHH relentlessly kicks MJG and picks him up and places him onto the table. HHH climbs to the top turnbuckle looking to execute a swanton bomb. MJG rolls off the table and stands up and instead of getting down, HHH shrugs his shoulders and jumps onto the table anyways. MJG looks around and points to his head trying to indicate he is smart when in all actuality everyone in the crowd knows he is complete herb.
Hank- That was somewhat of a smart move by MJG and HHH was stupid enough to jump onto the table regardless that there was no opponent there to jump onto. What a HERB!!!
MJG waltzes around the ring making himself look like a tool while HHH is recovering from his idiotic jump through a table. MJG goes over to the turnbuckle and bites off the padding exposing the cold steel. He picks up HHH and irish whips him into the corner. HHH bounces out of the corner and lands right in MJGs arms. MJG bends over like he is going to give HHH a kiss but spits in his face instead and sends HHH into the corner once again. HHH bounces out and almost lands in MJGs arms again but MJG lets him fall to the mat. MJG goes over to the ref to try to revive him and manages to get the ref to stir. HHH crawls over to the ropes and uses them to help pull himself to his feet. MJG doesnt see this and suddenly gets a trash can to the head. HHH stands there cheering for himself jumping up and down while MJG is lying on the ref in an unusually nasty position. MJG rolls off of the ref and lays on the mat holding his head. The ref finally gets to his feet and rubs his noggin making sure he isnt bleeding. HHH goes over to the ref to ask how his head is doing when suddenly the ref gives HHH a vicious clothesline causing HHH to do a complete flip in midair. MJG still laying on the ground notices his opponent flying through the air and points up at him laughing.
Hank- I dont think Ive ever seen a ref get physical like that before but then again i dont remember any refs that work for NWO who are as built as this one. Oh well, I guess it helps to be able to defend yourself when you are around such mishaps like these two.
MJG gets up and goes to make the pin on HHH when suddenly the ref grabs him and punches him in the groin. MJG falls over balling like a lil girl while holding his junk. The ref walks over to HHH and throws him into the corner. The ref places HHH on the top rope and then climbs to the top himself. He sets HHH up into a powerbomb position jumps off.
Hank- I dont know about you folks but that move looked awfully like the famous Waferbomb.I think we have an imposter on our hands here.
The ref gets up off the mat and walks over to HHH and kicks him in the face before placing one foot on his face. He flexes with one arm while counting to three with his other hand.
1........
2.......
3......DING DING DING!!!
Hank- And it seems the winner of this match is......Wait one minute folks. What the hell is going on here?
The camera focuses on the ref in the ring as he takes off a mask revealing himself to be none other than Wafer!!
Hank- I knew it! Its Wafer! He has returned to wrestling once again!
Suddenly, The lights in the arena go out and the beginning of Forsaken plays by David Draiman. Blue lasers around the screen cut wide arcs through the air. As they cut, it becomes apparant that a heavy fog is being pumped into the arena. As Draiman says "I'm over it" explosions light up the stage all around and Ichabod steps out to powerwalk to the ring. When he gets there, he steps up onto the apron, turns, and raises his arms slowly like Triple H as the lights come up. He takes a mic.
Ichabod- Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to introduce our new official ring announcer, Wafer!
Wafer grins his cocky grin and takes his place beside Hank as Ichabod returns to the back.
Hank- Welcome, Wafer.
Wafer- Shut up, homo.
Hank- OK, then.
Hank- Now we go to one of Ichabod's ingenius designs, the simulmatch.
Wafer- The rules are Alana comes in and gives me head and Mexican Jackhammer Boniqua squashes the other two flat.
Hank- Not exactly, Wafer. There will be two matches going on at once, and the winners have to find each other and battle it out for the television championship number one contendership.
The screen goes to a split screen showing a shot of the parking lot on the left and a shot of the boiler room on the right. In the parking lot we see Alana stepping out onto the pavement as a clown car flies into the parking lot. The door swings open at the exact moment that the door of the boiler room opens and Barty B Badd steps in. Mexican Jackhammer Boniqua jumps out of the car and rushes at Alana, who ducks and scoop slams the obese woman. Mexican Jackhammer Boniqua lets out a yelp as her back strikes the concrete. Meanwhile, Shane Ryder has come from behind one of the boilers with a giant monkey wrench and cracked Barty over the head with it. Ryder picks up Badd and whips him into the boiler. Badd screams out in pain.
Hank- Damn! That boiler must be around five hundred degrees hot.
Alana went for the pin, but MJB kicks out. MJB delivers The Schaffer to Alana, who rolls her eyes and clotheslines MJB. She grabs MJB up and gives her the Pedigree! Alana goes for the cover again, 1-2-3!
Wafer- Thats one down, now all she has to do is find me and give me oral sex on my peter.
Badd drives an elbow into Ryder's face as Alana rushes into the building in search of the boiler room. Ryder stumbles back and Badd runs up and dropkicks him into a pipe, which clotheslines Ryder. Badd goes for the cover 1-2- kickout! Ryder gets to his feet a little disoriented with blood trickling down his face, and Badd grabs up a fire axe and advances on him. Da Ruff One sees it coming and ducks the swing, then turns quickly and grabs Badd in a crossface chickenwing. He wrenches it in tight, causing Badd to drop the axe. He shifts his arms and launches Badd over his head with a belly to back suplex. Badd goes sprawling across the floor of the boiler room as Shane Ryder takes off after him. He grabs Badd up and delivers The Full Effect right on the conrete floor!
Hank- Thats a devestating move, Wafer, this one could be over.
Wafer- Great, Wigger gets to wrestle with Alana. Lucky bastard.
Ryder goes for the pin 1-2-3! Badd is defeated. Ryder leaves the room in a hurry, wiping blood out of his eyes as he searches for Alana. He turns the first corner and Alana nails him with a wooden crate.
Hank- She was waiting to ambush him!
Shane Ryder goes down hard as Alana leaps atop him and mounts punches to his busted forehead. She rolls off and then delivers a hard kick to his temple, and Ryder sees stars. He tries to roll away from the attack, grabbing his head. Alana comes over again, but Shane gives a lowblow, breaking Alana's stand.
Wafer- Ha! Alana got hit in the balls!
Shane comes back up and brings a knee to Alanas forehead. He runs to the wall and grabs fire extinguisher and turns as she is coming toward him. He sprays her down with the foam, and then smashes it into the back of her head. Alana falls foward and reaches behind her to feel the bump, and winces as she does. She examines her hand to find blood. Shane runs to her again, and she plants her hands and does a foward somersault, extending her right leg to catch him in the nards.
Wafer- Revenge is a dish best served... in the balls! Yeah!
Alana rolls to her feet and wipes the white foam off her face. She turns to Ryder who is on his knees and runs performing a backward bulldog. His head hits the ground pretty hard and Alana goes for the cover. 1-2- no! Ryder kicks out.
Alana gets pretty disgusted at this and begins casting around for a weapon. Meanwhile Shane has a chance to clear the cobwebs and looks around himself for something to use as well. Alana shrugs and opts for the classic chair, but she turns and Ryder is nowhere to be seen. She hears a noise and looks up on a transfer truck that brought the ring to the arena, and Shane leaps off performing a perfect blockbuster. Alana is down and out. Shane looks pretty messed up too as he has landed on his face and torn it up down side. There is blood all over the floor.
Hank- What an awesome high risk maneauver!
Wafer- Yeah, how stupid can you be?
The two fighters slowly start to move again. Alana is the first to her feet, but Shane is up as well and runs toward her. She takes his momentum as she sidesteps and hiptosses him against the trailer of the truck. Shane hits it upside down and hits the floor hard once again. Alana climbs up into the truck and fires it up, and shifts it into gear!
Hank- What is she doing??
Shane begins trying to climb the stepside, but Alana lowers the window and sprays him in the eyes with mace. Shane falls backward clutching at his eyes, and Alana snatches the door open long enough to smack him in the chest with it. Shane hits the ground once more, this time dazed all to hell. Alana drives the transfer truck out through one of the docks, and then turns it around in the parking lot. She comes barrelling back in with it, headed straight for Shane Ryder!
Hank- Oh God No!!!
Wafer- You ever been horny, Hank?
Shane sees what is going on at the last second and rolls between the two front tires. The entire truck rolls over top of him as he stays between wheels on either sides of the truck. When it finally passes over him, he leaps up onto the back of the trailer and begins to climb to the top. Alana looks in her side mirror looking for a flattened mess, but instead notices the hand of Ryder reaching over the top of the trailer. She yells in anger and shifts into reverse, then floors it. The sudden change of direction causes Ryder to lose his grip for a moment, and he ends up back on the back door of the trailer. But the speed at which Alana is reversing is causing the trailer to whip around uncontrollably, and Shane looks back and sees that Alana has about a 33% chance of the trailer making it through the opening of the dock, and a 67% chance of it smashing into one of the walls on either side. He also realizes that if he jumps off, he has a good chance of being crushed beneath the tires. He resumes his climb to the top of the trailer, knowing its his only chance. He gets to the top with difficulty and begins to low crawl across the top of it, holding on for dear life.
Hank- The fans are holding their breath here...
Within feet of the wall, Ryder realizes whats going to happen and he has no other choice. He leaps from the top of the trailer just as the opposite corner of it catches the left dock wall. Ryder hits the ground and rolls as the impact and speed cause the trailer to jacknife around toward the cab. Alana has just realized her mistake and knows escaping through either door is impossible. She stands up on the seat and poises herself, then launches through the windshield, shattering it as she tumbles across the hood and hits the ground running. The trailer whips around and snaps its connection as it collides with the cab, crushing it. The whole works flips to the side and skis across the floor coming to rest right at the dock. People around wait for a moment then realize what's about to happen as the smell of gas fills the air. Crew and officials scatter in every direction. Alana and Shane both dive back into the boiler room and slam the door shut behind them. Mere seconds pass before the transfer truck explodes. Fire rushes down each hallway, igniting posters and table and crates. Flames mushroom out of the dock door and into the night as black smoke billows around. The fans feel the rumble beneath their seats as the explosion shakes the whole building. There is no cheering and no noise as everyone stares in wide eyed shock at the nWoTron.
Wafer- Did you fart, Hank?
The nWoTron operators desperately try to find a good shot, but a lot of the camera's are out. Some of the working ones show officials working hard to douse the flames. The fans suddenly roar as the shot of the inside of the boiler room comes into view. Alana and Ryder are still battling out. They are trading off lefts and rights, and the door can be seen nearly blown off its hinges. Ryder whips Alana into the door and she crashes through it into the corridor once more. As he comes out, Alana does a backflip kick right in Shane's face. Shane staggers back as Alana picks up whats left of one of the trucks tires. She rushes and plants it right against Shane's face, covering him with soot and tire grime.
Wafer- Well, now he really is...
Hank- Alright Wafer, don't get racial.
Shane crumples to the floor after that last blow, and Alana performs the Guess What, ending with a cover 1-2-3!!
Hank- Alana has done it!
Wafer- She's earned the right to give me head!
Hank- Alana will go on to face the Television Champion for his strap. What an incredible match Wafer!
Wafer- Eh, it was aight.
The camera takes us backstage where Brian Graves is seen standing backstage with Ichabod...Brian's pacing back and fourth...
Brian- What the hell am I supposed to do man? I don't have wrestling gear...I don't have anything...
Ichabod- Brian, for the last time, I had someone work you up an outfit when you called me a few days ago...the way you talked I figured you were running late...it's fine...
Brian- Okay I owe ya
Ichabod- I touched em' up a bit too...no more fairy blue and yellow
Brian looks confused
Brian- Fairy? What? Those shorts are the shit man...
Ichabod- These are a little more...manly...pure black with BG on the sides in blue...
Brian looks at Ichabod and turns his head giving him a glare
Brian- I'm not a fairy...
Ichabod laughs as the camera goes back to ringside.
Hank - Well coming up here right now is one hell of a match
Wafer - Darn right Hank, Zandor laid down this challenge at Ruffhouse last week, nobody thought it would go down but it did. I'm sorry but I think Zandor is digging himself his own grave!
Hank - Well this was his idea. A Electric Poll match where there is a small wading pool outside the ring, and a cattle prod atop the poll on the turnbuckle in the corner. To win, you have to dip the cattle rod into the water WITH the opponent inside!
Wafer - That's not right!
Purple lights illuminate the arena as smoke billows all around. Bubbling noises are heard and Professor Zandor steps out to a mixed reaction, carrying Spuddy. He walks to the ring and whispers to Spuddy before setting him on the apron and climbing in.
Hank - He doesn't stand a chance even with Spuddy in his corner.
A knife sharpens somewhere, the sound echoing across the arena. A maniacl laugh, followed by a scream rips out of the nWo tron. An old electric chair fires up, and the lights in the arena flicker, then fade out. "Scarecrow" by Ministry screams out from the speakers as a single red spotlight shines down on the stage. The hockey-masked monster, Bloodbath, steps out onto the stage. He turns his head wildly about, looking everywhere as he stalks down to the ring. He slides in, rocking himself back and forth against the turnbuckle, laughing, until finally he slides up his battered hockey mask, and spits blood up into the air. The lights fade back to normal as Bloodbath leans against the turnbuckle, smearing the blood all over himself.
Wafer - Let's get it on
Bloodbath waists no time in going after Zandor as he charges forward leaving Zandor almost helpless. Zandor manages to side step the big man and roll out of the ring and runs around. Bloodbath looks confused as he flips over the top rope and stalks after Zandor. Zandor then trips along the outside of the ring and Bloodbath stands over him, he reaches down to pick him up when Zandor takes a flower from his lab coat and squirts it into the big man's face! The crowd laughs as water slips into the eyeholes of the hockey mask…Zandor then drop toe holds Bloodbath slamming him down into the steel steps! Zandor stands up and slides into the ring and as Bloodbath gets up, he bounces off the ropes and hits a baseball slide, knocking Bloodbath down hard to the outside. Zandor makes his way over and picks up Bloodbath and slams him down hard into the fan barricade but it seems to have no effect as Bloodbath lifts up Zandor and hits a two handed Chokeslam to the outside! The fans scream like crazy
Wafer - Are you kidding me? A two handed Chokeslam to the outside?
Zandor barely is moving on the ground as Bloodbath cracks his neck and laughs rather loudly and disturbingly. He turns and makes his way towards the ring dragging Zandor behind him with his lab coat. He lifts him up and tosses him over the top rope like he's nothing as Zandor helplessly rolls in the ring. Bloodbath stands on the apron and steps over the ropes as he lifts up Zandor and whips him into the turnbuckle. He then charges but Zandor manages to get a boot up into Bloodbath's face. It staggers the big man but he comes back but Zandor boosts himself to the second rope and leaps off with a missile drop kick sending the big man back, but not knocking him over! Zandor looks confused as he bounces off the ropes and hits another high missile drop kick, but once again, only knocking the big man back! Zandor then bounces off again and charges for a clothesline but Bloodbath back body drops Zandor all the way to the outside of the ring!
Wafer -Man, Zandor is doing all that he can, but how can you stop a guy like Bloodbath?
Bloodbath stalks to the outside and grabs Zandor by the collar but before he has any time to think, Zandor pulls out a tazor from his coat! He zaps Bloodbath in the side sending him backwards howling in pain. Zandor then climbs to the ring apron and then leaps off hitting a drop kick sending Bloodbath crashing into the kiddies wading pool at ringside! Bloodbath slams his head down hard on the ground almost knocking him out cold. Zandor slides in the ring and stares up at the poll with the cattle prod.
Hank -This could be it Wafe!
Zandor climbs the turnbuckle and reaches up grabbing the cattle prod! He holds it up high as he goes down to ringside and checks out Mr. Potatoe Head when he realizes that Bloodbath is already up and climbing to the ring apron! Zandor gets back up to the top turnbuckle and leaps off for an axe handle smash but Bloodbath reaches his foot up and hits a big boot sending him hard down to the mat. Bloodbath then crawls through the ropes and into the actual ring and picks up Zandor and gets him set up to Chokeslam him out of the ring and into the pool!
Wafer - Oh Sweet Jebus!
Hank - Thanks Brian
Wafer - Shut up!
He lifts Zandor up when Zandor frantically yells out "Look, Brian Graves!" Bloodbath releases Zandor and turns in that direction but sees nothing, before he can react, Zandor spears Bloodbath through the ropes and he flies back first into the pool! Zandor rushes over and grabs the cattle prod and dips it in the water sending an electric shock all the way through zapping Bloodbath like fried chicken! The ref calls for the bell!
Hank - Are you kidding me? Professor Zandor just pulled off the upset of the century!
Wafer - Damn that was funny as hell.
Wafer - I am awesome.
Hank- What?
Wafer- SHADDUP!
The televisons around the ring turn on and show the three wrestlers from the Television title match come up on the screens. Self Afflicted starts playing as the three opponents come from the raptors sporting various weapons.
Wafer - Dude! That's fucking sweet!
Justin Owens hits first and runs under Chandra to wait on her, with his lead pipe in hand. He yells at her and she grins back... as she drops the chair she holds on his head.
Wafer - HA HA HA HA HA HA! What a dork!
Wafer - I like her! I like her a lot!
Hank - Chandra won her shot at the the television title by going through all of the Elite Bitches a few weeks back. Since then, Quake has gained the Television Title when The Mainstreamer was put in Jail forcing him to vacate the title.
Hank - Good effort by Owens.
Wafer - What are you talking about he missed. What a loser.
Wafer - Quake is a lucky man.
Hank - But he's getting punched in the face!
Wafer- Chandra is so hot on top....
And just like that, Chandra is up with two TVs. One more TV smashed and she has the match!
Hank - Quake - 2! Chandra - 2! Who's going to take it!
Wafer - HULKAMANIA YO!
Hank - What?
Wafer - Good effort by all three opponents, but it was Quake's night tonight.
Quake's music hits and he walks out with his TV title. JO slowly walks out of the ring and Chandra is still laying out with her head in the TV. Wafer gets up and walks to the ring.
Hank - HEY! Where are you going!
Wafer walks into the ring and pulls Chandra out of the TV. He looks around and picks her up. The crowd goes quiet and Wafer walks her to the back. The camera follows. Wafer sets her on stretcher making it's way to the ring. Wafer walks with her stretcher until she's rolled into the ambulance. Her eyes open right before the doors close. She reaches out for Wafer's hand. She then smiles. Wafer smiles back with a cocky grin and makes his way back to ringside. When he comes out of the curtain the crowd cheers loudly. He sits back down next to Hank.
Hank - How sweet Wafer...
Wafer- Shut the .... Let's go to the next match.
The nWoTron opens to a nearly empty room in the back. You see the bridge, above the bed of coals. Hot spots in the coals are already shooting up flames...
Hank-Well its time for the match we've all been waiting for, Wafer. The main event, the King Karnage match, the nWo Championship will be decided before the show ends!
Wafer- My elbow hurts.
The cameras go to the roof of the arena as an odd but heavy mix of "Bark at the Moon" "Special Delivery" and "Terminator Theme" plays. Three doors outside the ring open. The ring is inside a cage with barbed wire around the tops, and this is all inside of a Cell that covers the perimeter of the roof. Between the cage and the cell are about thirty monkeys, including W. Draven Monkey and Smokey T. Monkey. All of them look menacing, and someone has attatched wings to their backs. Atop the cell is the razorwire ladder and the helicopter hovering above it, containing the Barbed Wire Crown and the nWo Chamionship! Brian, Jugernaut, and Weltmeister step out of their respective doors as the music stops and they eye one another. As the monkeys begin to howl and scream, they each rush into the ring and attack!
Hank- Its go time!
Wafer- Thank you Brian.
Hank- ...
Weltmeister immediately clotheslines Jugernaut to the mat but recieves for his pain a dropkick from Brian Graves. Jugernaut immediately rolls out of the ring and lifts up the skirt, pulling out a bucket. He reaches in and pulls out a clown wig, shrugs and tosses it aside. It must be a bucket from the Buckets of Fun Match. He digs around some more and finds a taser. He flips it on, but Brian Graves is there with a baseball slide. He knocks Jugernaut from his feet, and scoops up the taser. He uses it to Jugs' temple and Jugernaut gurgles from the shock. Brian turns just in time to recieve a big splash from the giant Weltmeister right into the cage. Brian crumples under Weltmeister's weight. But Jugernaut has gotten up and takes his cane to Weltmeister's back. Weltemeister turns in anger only to get smacked right in the face with Jugernaut's cane. He rolls Weltmeister into the ring and with a great effort lifts him up for a sit down powerbomb. Jug runs to the cage and begins to climb.
Wafer- Now he's only got to get his fat ass out of there.
Brian has reached under the ring already and grabbed something. Its the headband from the Hot Potato match! He leaps onto the apron and turns around, bringing it crashing onto Jugernaut's head. It goes off immediately as Jugs recieves another shock! Brian watches him twitch until Weltmeister grabs him from behind for a full nelson overhead slam!
Hank- We might see weapons from every King Karnage match here!
Wafer- Thank you, captain obvious.
Weltmeister wraps one huge around Brian's neck and chokeslams him straight to hell. But Jugernaut has entered the ring with the flame thrower from the Meatlocker Match! He wastes no time in torching Weltmeister. Welt rolls around in pain roaring as he puts out his flaming body. Meanwhile, Jugs is climbing the cage into the barbed wire. He has some difficulty, but gets over it. He drops down to the other side just as the monkeys advance on him. He looks around searching for a weakspot in their ranks but can find none. Suddenly, the monkeys reach into their wing packs and each pulls out a taser from the Hot Potato match! Jugernaut knows there is no escape, so he frantically climbs back up the cage! He hangs there at the top waiting for the monkeys to back off.
Hank- The other two are stirring!
Weltmeister and Brian are indeed both up. Brian rushes at Weltmeister and nails a massive diving clothesline. Brian rolls with the momentum and leaps onto the ropes, driving an elbow into an unsuspecting Jugernaut. Jugernaut falls into the midst of the monkeys, who begin to taze him over and over as he yells out in pain. Brian, knowing more goodies are there, begins to dig under the ring, but Weltmeister is up and reaches through the ropes to grab Brian by the back of the head and slam it into the cage. Weltmeister slides out and grabs BG up and gorilla presses him back into the ring. Following suit, he reaches under the ring and pulls something massive out.
Hank- My God, no!!
Wafer- Sweet.
Its the Iron Maiden! It lays open outside the ring and Welt props it up against the wall. He looks under the ring once more and finds a large pane of glass from the Menagerie, which he props against the Maiden. He climbs back into the ring and goes after Brian, who suddenly comes up with a shot in Welt's groin! Welt crumples, but Brian grabs his arm and slings him into the corner... BLAM! Exploding Turnbuckle! The turnbuckle explodes with a load of roofing tacks which stick into Weltmeister's body in various places. Brian sees what is going on and grins, grabbing Weltmeisters arm again and launching him to the opposite corner. But Weltmeister reverses and sends Brian crashing into the corner, which explodes gallons of blood!
Hank- I knew this would be a bloody match!
Wafer- What? You gotta be kidding me. I'm going to take a piss.
Wafer takes off his headphones and exits the stage area leaving Hank alone. Back up on the roof, Brian stumbles around trying to wipe the blood from his face, but Weltmeister attacks with a big boot to the face. He picks Brian back up and sets him on the rope nearest the Maiden and pane of glass.
Hank- NO! NO! HE CAN'T! SOMEBODY GET UP THERE AND STOP HIM! JUGS! GET BACK IN THERE!
But Weltmeister steps up and hits Brian with The Warhead, right into the pane of glass and the Iron Maiden!! The Iron Maiden snaps shut on Brian and most of the glass. Weltmeister surveys the carnage for a moment while breathing deeply and finally turns and begins to climb the opposite side of the cage. Jugernaut sees this and begins to pick his way among the barbed wire to get at him. But Weltmeister looks up and sees a firehose hanging down inside the cell. He grabs it and turns it on Jugernaut, and pulls the lever! A powerful torrent of blood issues forth from the hose, knocking Jugernaut onto his back.
Hank- Its a crafty combination of the Redneck Water Torture and the Blood Dumpster!
Jugernaut sits up slowly, holding his back and waiting for the monkeys, but they have all gone to where Weltmeister is trying to climb down the opposite side of the cage. Weltmeister turns the hose on the monkeys and uses the force of it to knock them all back against the cell!
Hank- Not its a whole mess of bloody monkeys!
The monkeys look down and out and probably won't have much more of an effect on the match, but as soon as Weltmeister hits the floor, Jugernaut comes speeding around with his cane in tow. He swings it wildly, but Weltmeister catches it and bends it back, taking Jugernauts arm with it!
Hank- A test of strength here!
Jugernaut yells out in rage and begins to bend his arm back up. He and Weltmeister both grab hold with their other hands as well, each one trying to force the other back. The monsters push back and forth like an odd mercy match, neither one being able to overpower the other for more than a few seconds.
Meanwhile, back in the ring, the Iron Maiden has fallen to the ground from Brian jostling around inside. The impact causes the door to snap open, and Brian rolls out covered in blood, not only from the Turnbuckle Explosion, but from the many lacerations of the glass and puncture wounds from inside the Maiden. He takes a moment to breath fresh air again, and then begins to climb the cage. But something in his face changes, almost as if a light bulb has gone on over his head, he drops back down to search under the ring.
Meanwhile, Jugernaut tires of the struggle and plants a boot in Welt's gut. Jugs lets go of the cane and instead grabs the back of Welt's mask and sends him flying face first into one of the posts at the corner of the cell. Blood begins to trickle from under the mask.
Hank- His nose has to be broken!
Jugernaut watches Weltmeister crumble in the corner and goes to one of the cell doors. He opens it and stares down at the ground far below. Shaking his head, he edges out onto the cell wall and begins the climb.
Back in the ring, BG comes out with Jugernauts gown from the Junkyard Diva's match, and a pitchfork from the Hell on Wheels match! He takes up the flamethrower that Jugs left behind and, after wrapping the gown around the tines of the pitchfork, sets fire tot he gown! He climbs the cage while clutching it and poises himself on top of the barbedwire. He measures Jugernaut and then launches himself foward holding the pitchfork like a lance. The burning gown is forced through the links in the cell by the tines and the fork sticks in Jugernauts shoulder! He screams out in pain as he loses his grip. The pitchfork can't support his weight, and he falls backward off the wall and into the shadowy dark below the lip of the arena roof!
Hank- Jugernaut! No! Damn you Ichabod! Damn you straight to hell!
Brian, meanwhile, edges out the door himself and begins to climb the cage... but Weltmeister is up again and kicks open the opposite door and begins to climb up that wall. Both men reach the top at the same time, and Weltmeister scrambles onto the roof of the cell. Brian stops for a moment looking at a grappling hook that is hung from the edge of the cell, but shrugs it off and runs at the razorwire ladder. Weltmeister is also gunning for it, but Brian spears it in the direction of Weltmeister! His weight forces the razorwire ladder onto Weltmeister, and both men are cut all to hell!
Hank- BG is really sacrificing for this match!
As both men try to recover, the camera pans out to the grappling hook side of the cell and the fans roar as the see Rammer scaling the side of the cell while holding onto Jugernauts hand!
Hank- Rammer! Holy Shit! Rammer! He must have been hanging from that hook the whole time! He just saved Jugernaut's life!
Rammer and Jugernaut reach the top of the cage and Jugs scrambles up. Rammer gives him a thumbs up and slides down his rope into the safety of the inside of the cell. He leans back against the cage to watch the action from below.
Jugernaut runs over to the downed men and takes the ladder from them. He sets it up and begins the climb, but Weltmeister is up and kicks it out from under Jugernaut! Jugernaut hits the top of the cage hard and winces. Weltmeister puts one foot on the bottom rung before noticing that Brian is getting to his feet. He takes the ladder back down and runs over to smack Brian right in the face with it. Brian falls back and Weltmeister begins to stomp on him. Jugernaut tries to ease over to get the ladder, but Weltmeister turns and jabs him in the throat. Jugernaut grabs his neck and retches, but Weltmeister is quick to grab him and hits a swinging neckbreaker! He leaves Jugernaut choking and gasping for air and goes back to Brian, lifting him up by his neck with both hands. He carries Brian to the edge of the cage and holds him out over the edge. Real fear dawns in Brian's eyes and he fights to get loose. Weltmeister holds him for a moment but sees something out of the corner of his eye.
Hank- Its a... a paratrooper? Is Zandor reliving his most embarassing King Karnage moment from the past??
The paratrooper lands and moves quickly.
Hank- It looks like... It is! Its Ichabod!
Weltmeister brings Brian back in and drops him, going for Ichabod instead. But several more paratroopers land on the roof of the cell.
Hank- Wait a damn minute... what's going on here?
Every paratrooper that lands begins to run circles around Weltmeister... and they all look like Ichabod! Each one is yelling stuff out.
Ichabod?- Hey Choad!
Ichabod?- Over here ya big retard!
Ichabod?- I'm the real Ichabod, ya Commie bastard!
Ichabod?- Bring it on Weltmeister!
Weltmeister is turning wildly trying to find the real Ichabod. He finally gives up and reaches for the nearest one, but someone clambs his shoulder from behind and spins him around. Ichabod kicks him in the gut and delivers a Bitch Thump! Its so hard that both men go through the roof of the cell!!! They hit the floor of the ring and both are knocked out cold. Brian and Jugernaut stare down in shock, but before long they look at each other and make a mad dash at their opponent. They lock up old school style, but BG ducks under for a chicken wing. He shoves Jugernaut off, who comes back but gets a Sweet Chin Music right in his face! He falls back, but BG catches him up and does the Special Delivery right through the hole in the cage! Jugernaut falls and gets tangled up in the barbedwire on top of the cage, finally ending up crucified!
Hank- I think this match is over!
Brian catches his breath before setting up the ladder. He climbs slowly and then enters the helicopter as the fans pop in approval. He stands at the entrance and raises the crown and the nWo Championship high above his head!
Hank- Brian Graves has done it! Brian Graves is King Karnage and the World Champion! My God folks! What a night!
The camera zooms in on his face which is bloodied up and exhausted. But his expression suddenly changes to surprise as he falls foward out of the helicopter. He hits the roof of the cell hard, and from the helicopter port emerges...
Hank- MAINSTREAMER! MY GOD THE MAINSTREAMER HAS RETURNED AND PUSHED BRIAN GRAVES TO A NEAR DEATH!
Mainstreamer steps out and climbs down the ladder. He looks at Brian Graves and spits, then climbs down into the cell and into the ring. He picks up the large shard of glass and drives it into the back of Jugernaut, who is still unconscious. He rolls his eyes and grabs the flamethrower and aims it at Weltmeister. Mainstreamer lets loose a massive amount of flames, setting Weltmeister's entire body on fire. He doesn't stop until he's satisfied so it takes a few minutes. Weltmeister roars in an unnaturally bloodcurdling scream. Mainstreamer finally lets off the flame and shakes his head at Weltmeister trying to relieve his own pain.
Hank- Why is he doing this??? Why isn't someone up there helping?
Finally Mainstreamer looks back up at Brian and nods. He climbs out of the cage and meets up with Rammer, who is looking ready to fight. Mainstreamer backs up with his hands out, and Rammer considers... Mistake! Mainstreamer hits him with a Fuckemuppercut! Mainstreamer looks disgusted and walks to the cage and climbs back up. He yells out at the top of his lungs:
Mainstreamer- nWo!!! IS THIS ALL YOU HAVE TO OFFER? FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHERE IS THE CHALLENGE? WHERE IS THE COMPETITION? WHERE IS THE HERB WHO IS GOING TO STOP ME?
He indicates Brian Graves lying face down amid his title and crown.
Hank- Who is that coming out onto the roof? Two figures... who could it be? Can we get a closeup?
Mainstreamer- THIS IS YOUR CHAMPION? FOR THIS YOU VACATED THE BELT FROM SWEET CHEAPSHOTS? WELL... not for long.
Mainstreamer scoops BG up as the two figures rush up the side of the cell. He slams him onto the razorwire ladder and begins kicking it toward the edge. When it teetors on the edge of nothingness, the two figures reach the top and race across the roof of the cell.
Hank- Its Wafer and Amy!
Wafer spears Mainstreamer down and holds him as Amy grabs the ladder and pulls it back from the edge. She goes over to where Wafer is trying to reason with Mainstreamer and calm him down. The camera view switches to a helicopter cam as it pulls away from the roof and everyone takes in the scene as King Karnage goes off air slowly to the sound of ambulances rushing to the arena.
Hank- There it is! The bed of coals! This match should be good!
Wafer- Christian Wright has seemed next to unstoppable with his Brutality title, let's see how he does now.
"Reload" by Rob Zombie plays, as Alexander the Great walks in the room from the left door. ATG looks at the coals, as a flame bursts out and almost hits his face...
Hank- Alexander is definately a worthy opponent, I think he can take CW in this one!
Wafer- Yeah, like that will happen.
"Cocky" hits as Christian Wright walks out from the right door, Bohemoth close behind him. Wright does a little 'Flair strut', and gives the crowd a 'WHOO!' as Bohemoth behind him points to Wright. The two walk in, when Christian points to the door, and Bohemoth leaves...
Hank- Well, Christian seems, cocky.
Wafer- Other than having Bo leave, I'd have to disagree.
The two combatents step onto the bridge, and face each other, when the floor opens up and reveals even more hot coals, leaving only about 1 foot of space to walk on along the edges of the room. A bell is heard sounding off, as they begin trading blows righ away. ATG gets the upper hand, and gets a few kicks in, then hits a scoop slam, as the rickety bridge shakes. ATG holds his balance, then hits a leg drop on Wright, then locks in a sleeper while he's still down. Wright struggles, but clinches in and gets to his feet, then runs back and slams ATG into the side of the room. ATG falls off, his back, but onto the bridge. Wright goes for the figure four early, but ATG grabs him and monkey flips him onto the side of the wall. Both men get up, and ATG runs at CW, but CW leapfrogs over him, clinches his arms and nails the Degenerator! The bridge shakes as CW holds on to it. Christian picks up ATG, who comes off swinging, but CW ducks and trips him down, and hits the Defibulizer! ATG is down, and now Wright locks in the figure four! ATG is struggling to get free, as a hot coal shoots up and hits CW in the arm, which sends CW off the hold, holding his arm in pain!
Hank- This match is awesome!!
Wafer- Watch it, Hank. The bridge is only five feet off the coals, it looks like it could brake apart of burn any second now!
CW holds his arm in pain, which allows ATG to get to his feet, and kick Christian in the back of the leg, knocking him down. Alexander now carefully walks over to Christians legs, grabs one, and sticks it down into the coals, burning his leg as Christian yells in pain, Alexander wraps it around and locks in a figure four of his own! After a minute, ATG lets the hold loose, and stalks CW as he makes his way to his feet, and ATG hits a vicious hurricanrana, throwing him into the wall! Alexander is struggline himself to walk on this platform as it rocks wildly, but he picks CW up and irish whips him into the wall, but CW comes off with steam and tries for a hurricanrana now but ATG catches him, spins him around and lands the Falls to Nowhere! The rickety bridge has dropped on the opposite side of them, and catches itself on fire, which slowly makes its way over to them!
Hank- Uh-oh Wafe! Our competitors are in for it now!
Wafer- It's only a matter of time before the flames reach them!
Alexander looks a bit worried now, as he picks CW up again, and sets him up for a vertical suplex that would send him into the coals, but Wright blocks it. ATG tries again, but it's blocked again. Finally, ATG lifts him up, but CW spins off of it, kicks ATG and brings him up, and hits the Call of Nature, sending ATG down into the bed of coals! ATG is rolling around furiously now, as Wright carefully walks himself on the edge of the room, just as the bridge finishes completely burning. Christian walks back out of one of the doors...
Hank- Christian Wright has done it again!
Wafer- I can't believe it! That match was brutal!
