"No, you guys! I don't wanna go out tonight," Terry said.
"Aww, come on! It's your birthday, dude! You've gotta par-tay!" Adam laughed.
"Yeah, buddy...we have a sweet-ass party set up for you! Don't let us down!" Jay begged.
"I appreciate that and all, but I can't! I'm supposed to meet Katie and just have a nice, quiet birthday, just the two of us. I can't back out on her like that, anyway. It wouldn't be nice."
"Oh please...I think she'd forgive you," Jay commented.
"You don't know her, then," Terry laughed. "That reminds me. I need to call her and see where we're meeting at." He picked up his cell phone and dialed Katie's number.
"Hello?"
"Heya...it's me."
"Why, hello, birthday boy...what's up?"
"Just wondering where we're meeting at tonight, that's all."
"Oh...about that. Something came up. I have to work late. So, I won't be able to meet you until later. I'm really sorry, hon."
"That's okay...not your fault. I'll just go back to the room and watch TV." Terry sounded rather upset, although he'd never really admit that.
"No!" Jay said loudly. "Man! You have to go to your party, damnit!"
"What party?" Katie asked.
"Oh...Adam and Jay are giving me a party, but I don't really wanna go."
"Why not? It's better than spending the evening alone. Go ahead, go to Jay and Adam's party...go have fun!"
"You sure?"
"Yes! Go...I want you to have a good time. Don't worry, you'll see me later."
"Okay...if you insist. Give me a call when you get off, okay?"
"Of course I will. You have a good evening...I'll see ya later."
"See ya." Terry hung up the phone and looked over at Adam and Jay. "Fine...you guys win. Let's go party," he said unenthusiastically.
"Woo-hoo!" Adam yelled. "Trust me, dude, you won't regret this."
"Aww yeah, they made it!" Adam enthused, giving Jay five. "I TOLD you they'd all show up!"
"Who?" Terry wondered.
"The chicks! Look at them!" Adam looked towards the sky. "Thank you, God!"
"I can't believe they all showed up! This is SO gonna be the best party ever!" Jay smiled.
Terry gave Jay a sideways glance. "Excuse me, but aren't you married?"
"So?" Jay scoffed. "I can look all I want...nothing wrong with admiring the view."
Terry shook his head. "You're an ass."
"Hey! Be nice or you won't get your birthday present, dude," Jay threatened.
"Okay, sorry," Terry scowled. This was bullshit. This was hardly a party for him...all it was looking like wsa an excuse for Adam and Jay to hit on girls. Normally, he would be doing the same thing, but since he'd started dating Katie, other girls just didn't seem necessary. She was good enough for him.
"Look what I have, dude!" Jay exclaimed. He held a party hat out in front of him and put it on Terry's head.
He and Adam soon put matching hats on and Terry just shook his head at them. "You guys look like jackasses." He started to pull the hat off his head.
"Nuh-uh! Put it back on NOW, dude!" Adam ordered.
Terry shot him a dirty look. "Or what?"
Adam nodded towards Jay. "Or I'm gonna use...this!" Jay said, pulling his kazoo out of his pocket. "Don't think I won't do it either!"
"Fine," Terry sighed. Anything to keep Jay from playing that damn kazoo. He put the hat back on and flopped down on the couch, sulking while Jay and Adam tried to impress the ladies. He sat there for about an hour, nursing a beer or two...or five. He was starting to feel a bit fuzzy...he figured if he was going to spend time with Katie later, he'd better stop before he got totally plastered. She wouldn't appreciate that too much, he thought.
Adam, while taking a break from trying to score, looked over at Terry. "Uh oh...dude, the big guy's looking peeved," he said, nudging Jay's shoulder. "I think it's time we bust out his present."
"Damnit! But that means the chicks have to leave!" Jay complained.
"Dude...he looks PISSED. Do you remember what happened the last time he was pissed at you?"
"Do I ever," Jay frowned. "Who knew he'd really try to slam my head in the car door?"
"Yeah, and you don't want that again, do you? No. So let's get the chicks outta here." Adam walked over to the couch and sat next to Terry. "Hey, buddy...what, you're not having fun?"
"No," Terry snorted. "What kind of birthday party is just your friends hitting on chicks the entire time? I thought this party was for me, not you guys."
"Yeah...you're right. It is for you. Hey, Reso!" Adam waved over at Jay. "Get 'em outta here," he ordered.
"Okay...all right, ladies, party's over...come on, move it," Jay said, herding his guests out the door. "Hey, call me!" he waved, watching them leave.
"Thank you...it's been a *blast*, but I'm gonna go to my room now and wait for Katie. See you guys later," Terry said, getting up off the couch.
"No! You can't leave yet! We've gotta bring your cake out...you can't leave before that!" Adam urged.
Terry was always willing to stick around, if free food was involved. "Okay, fine."
"All righty...we'll be right back...don't go ANYWHERE," Jay said as he and Adam left the room. Shortly they returned, pushing a big cake into the room.
Terry shook his head. "Man! That's not a real cake...it's a prop!"
"Yeah, but wait'll you see what's inside the cake!" Adam grinned. "Jay, hit the music."
Jay ran to the CD player and hit play. All of a sudden, music blared loudly out of it. "We're playing your entrance theme? Dude! I thought we picked something else!" he whined.
"We did, but I lost the CD, so I had to steal something from the sound guys...besides, it works! Rob Zombie rules!" Adam enthused.
Jay thought about it for a second. "Yeah, he does!" he said, giving Adam five. He heard a loud banging on the side of the cake. "Oh, yeah...happy birthday, dude. Enjoy your present!" He and Adam sat on the couch on either side of Terry.
Terry shook his head. What the hell was this all about? He decided to humor them by staying there for his "present".
Suddenly, a pair of hands popped out of the top of the cake, followed by a pair of arms...by this time, Terry had figured out what was going on. "You guys...you got me a stripper? Man...if Katie finds out about this, she will rip your heads off, I'm warning you."
"Relax! Trust me, she won't mind this one," Adam assured him.
Terry shrugged and fixed his eyes on his surprise. Her head appeared and he saw that she was wearing a mask. That was kind of odd. But frankly, he wasn't thinking about that once Jay and Adam had lifted her out of the cake and she'd started doing a little striptease for him. He could SWEAR he knew that body...it was way too familiar. "Nah, it couldn't be...she'd never do anything like that," he thought to himself. He blinked in surprise once she had stripped down to her black vinyl undergarments. Man, this girl looked *hot*.
She waltzed over to Terry and he swallowed nervously. That nervousness stayed with him the whole time this mystery woman gave him the most, well, "hands-on" lap dance he'd ever gotten. He felt guilty as hell enjoying this as much as he was, but he couldn't help it. As the song ended and the girl's bra ended up on Jay's head from when she'd tossed it aside, she took her mask off. "Happy birthday, sweetheart," she grinned, kissing him on the cheek.
"Katie? How did I NOT know that was you?" Terry felt like an idiot. "Wow..." He shook his head. "Hey wait! Katie, can you, like, cover up a little? As much as I enjoyed your show, I really don't want Jay and Adam to see that much of you....they don't deserve it."
"Yeah, youk have a point," she said, putting her bra back on.
"What? It's not like we haven't seen..." Jay was cut off by Adam slapping the back of his head. "I mean, it's not like we never saw any topless chicks before."
"Well, you had your show...you oughta be happy," Katie said, putting her clothes back on and sitting on the couch, squished between Terry and Jay. "It didn't look TOO ridiculous, did it?" she asked Terry.
"No way...you did just fine. You should do that more often," he grinned. "But how in the hell did these guys convince you to do that?"
"Well," Katie explained, "Somehow, Jay, with his enormous mouth, let it slip that he and Adam were getting you a stripper for your birthday. Well, like I was gonna stand for that? Hell no! So I said to them, they could get you one on one condition...that it was me that got to do it. Being the nice guys that they are, they accepted. So there you have it."
"Well, that wasn't all...she threatened to make us not men anymore, dude!" Jay added. "Would she really do that?"
Terry snickered. "Oh, she'd try."
"Damn right...so, anyway, I'm giving you my present later," Katie grinned, "but Adam, didn't you say that you and Jay got him a present too?"
"Oh yeah! Let me go get it. Be right back," Adam said, leaving the room and coming back with a videotape and some papers in his hands.
"Dude, should I tell them about it or do you want to?" Jay asked enthusiastically.
"I'll take care of it, bro," Adam said. He turned his attention to Terry and Katie. "Dude...have you ever wanted to be famous?"
"Uhh, I think I am, to some degree," Terry replied.
"Okay, but do you want to be forever immortalized on something other than WWF TV?"
Terry shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Do you have a point, Adam?" Katie asked.
"Yes, I do, Katie. If you'd wait ONE second!" Adam turned back to Terry. "What would you say if I told you that a major film studio was interested in making you the star of what is sure to be a blockbuster film?"
"It'll be HUGE!" Jay added with a laugh.
"Well, that'd be cool." Terry wasn't sure what Adam was getting at.
"Great! Because...I sent in a tape to this studio and they REALLY want you for their movie. So, you wanna do it?"
"Maybe...what kind of movie is it?" Terry wondered.
"Oh, well, here...here's the script. You can check that out." Adam handed Terry the papers he was holding.
Katie looked at it with him. "'Please Feed The Animals'...huh...what is it, a comedy?"
"Just read it and see," Jay said, giving them a thumbs-up.
Terry and Katie read over the script for a few minutes, then exchanged a look. Terry flipped through it a little more, then closed it and sat it down on his lap. "This...is...a porno," he said slowly.
"No shit, dude," Jay commented.
"WHY did you think I would want to be in a porno?" Terry asked.
"Dude, you love porn! And we figured you liked to make it, from that tape we got," Adam said with a nod.
"YOU were the one who stole our tape?" Terry growled.
"Well, it's not like you were hiding it or anything! It was just laying by your VCR! And hey, Jay was the one who stole it, not me," Adam said, pointing at Jay.
Katie smacked Jay on the arm. "Asshole! That is PRIVATE, it's none of your damn business!"
Meanwhile, Terry sat there, a pained look crossing his face. "You guys....please tell me you didn't use that for my 'audition' tape."
"Of course we did! Dude, we were auditioning you for an *adult* movie...we had to show 'em what you've got!" Adam explained.
"You showed our private video to some complete strangers?" Terry was still trying to comprehend all of this.
"We needed it!" Jay pointed out.
"You son of a bitch! I should fucking cut your fucking dick off! How DARE you invade our privay like that?" Katie screeched, smacking Jay on the head and the arms while she ranted. "How would you like me to do something like that to you, huh? You wouldn't! UGH you are such a complete and utter moron! You know what you can do? You can go and fuck a sheep! Yeah, you heard me, a sheep! I know you'd like it, you stupid motherfucker!" She looked about ready to kill him.
"Who, whoa, Kates....time to chill out a little bit. No need for chopping off body parts. Let's just get outta here...come on," Terry said, grabbing Katie's arm and pulling her away from Jay. "You know, you guys really are a couple of stupid fuckers." As he walked past, he shoved Adam to the ground.
After Terry and Katie had left, Adam picked himself up off the ground and Jay stood next to him, rubbing his arm where Katie had been pummeling him. "God! You try to give somebody a really sweet birthday present and this how the thanks you get? Adam, I think we need to stop being so damn nice. It's SO not worth it, dude."
"I hear ya on that one," Adam said, giving Jay five. "There's one good thing about all this, though."
"What, that Katie wasn't carrying anything sharp?"
"No...it's a good thing that we didn't tell her about how the movie studio people didn't want her to be in the movie with Terry. Imagine what she would've done then." Adam looked a bit frightened.
"Oh man, you're right. They thought she was a horrible actress...I SO want to make fun of her for that....but she'd kill me. Yikes...dude. You think I should hire a bodyguard or something?" Jay wondered.
"Oh, don't worry, bro...I've got your back if you've got mine."
"Bitchin'!" Jay exclaimed as he and Adam left the room. "Hey, that show was pretty good..think we should get Katie to strip for you on your birthday?"
Adam shook his head. "I don't think so."
**The End!!**
