June 12, 2009
We are at the end of the road to the biggest event of the year. At roads end awaits WrestleMania 10. The Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California, is set to be the home of this historic event. The card is finalized and has been stacked from top to bottom with some of the most anticipated matches in years. Fourteen matches are set for the event, four championship belts are on the line, twenty wrestling legends will take place in a Legends Battle Royale, and 6 men will battle in the WrestleMania Jackpot Match. This is the Cain Connection and in this column, we're going to run down the huge card for WrestleMania. I say "We're" because I'm doing things a little bit differently this time around. I'm going to skip the interview segment because for this column I will be joined by a few of the TWF stars that will take part in matches at Mania.
Before we run down the card let me introduce my co-host for this column. First, we have the man gunning for Sebastian Cain and his King of Cable championship at WrestleMania 10, Richard Ramsley.
My second host is know as "The PrimeTime Prodigy", "The Million Dollar Mogul", and "The self made millionaire". He will take on Mr. Kennedy at WrestleMania X, it's none other than PJ Cash.
We also have the longest reigning King of Cable champion, the man who will take on Money Mike at Mania, J.J. "The Ram" Ramplin.
And last, We have the man who will take on Shawn Michaels at Mania, "The King of Sting" Jason Oliver.
On to the Review!
The Review
Cain: "Welcome gentlemen, you all know why you're here so lets get to it. I'm going to step aside and let all of you get this stuff out in the open. We'll start with the Rampage tag team title match":
Jason Oliver: "Why are we even talking about this? Rhodes and Dibiase take the titles".
Richard Ramsley: "Honestly, is there a bigger joke of a team than Boogeyman and Eddie Saint James? I get angry everytime I see those idiots get in the ring... I say Cody and Ted destroy them, and take the titles".
PJ Cash: "As interesting as the Boogie Saints are as a tag team, I have to go with the two GeNext members. Besides, Oliver's got them all pumped up, isn't that right"?
J.J Ramplin: "I'm gonna have to agree, Rhodes and DiBiase take the titles here".
Cain: "Next up lets hear what you think about the Legends battle Royale".
Ramsley: "Great. A bunch of old men who can't let go of the past. I guess... I'll go with Ultimate Warrior."
Cash: "All of these guys are has beens basically, so I couldn't care less. I'm going with that psychopath the Ultimate Warrior".
Ramsley: "Once again, Cash, you prove you're one of the few people in this company with any brains".
Oliver: "Oh god do we have to... Old dinos trying to relive glory days... make it stop, make it stop"!!!!!
Cash: "My reputation proceeds me then, thanks Ramsley".
Oliver: "Million Dollar Man for the win".
Ramplin: "I'm sure we wont be calling this a classic but should be entertaining none the less".
Oliver: "If entertaining means boring then Ramplin has a point".
Cain: "This next mach is a Rampage vs. PrimeTime match, where Mr.Kennedy will face PJ Cash".
Cash: "Is this even a question? Soon enough Mr. Kennedy will wish he had been left off the Wrestlemania Card. He is going down".
Oliver: "One of the better matches on the card. Cash vs Kennedy should be an excellent match. Cash takes it".
Ramsley: "Ha... Kennedy. I'm sure my feelings for him are well documented. I say Cash dominates. Oh, and Cash? Just so you know, if you REALLY want to make him suffer, go for his knees..."
Cash: "The knees, huh? Seems like sound advice to me".
Ramplin: "Like Oliver just said this match has high expectations and I'm looking forward to it as both are extremely talented but I believe Cash will just edge it".
Cain: "Carney vs. Shane Thompson, your thoughts"?
Ramsley: "Turrican rubbed me the wrong way. I say Carney vents his frustrations, and wins, quickly".
Oliver: "You're young, and kinda slow so I'll let that one go. Thompson is, was, and always will be one of the best lightheavyweights in the world. Carney can not touch him. Thompson wins it".
Cash: "Although I never got to see much of Shane Thompson, I can't say he isn't one of the all time greats. Carney should be in that battle royal, because at least it would be more his skill level. Thompson wins".
Ramsley: "Slow? I've spit loogies that were more intelligent than you, Oliver. But that's another discussion for another day..."
Ramplin: "Carney takes it, that's all I'm saying".
Ramsley: "At least someone other then myself got it right..."
Oliver: "Big words from a very small man, Ramsley".
Cash: "Oliver maybe you shouldn't worry about Ramsley, and keep your focus on HBK".
Ramsley: "Are all your comebacks ancient cliche's"?
Oliver: "Well I am Rubber and you are glue..."
Ramsley: "Whatever. Moving on".
Cain: "WrestleMania Jackpot match".
Oliver: "As Long as Tirpak or Gafgen don't win then I say it's been a good day. I'm going to go with O'Haire to win it all".
Ramsley: "Lot's of people. Lot's of carnage. Sounds like a Hell of a time. Helms has the right attitude to win it.. .Gafgen's showing promise... I say one of them win it, though I wouldn't be surprised to see O'Haire walk away with it".
Ramplin: "Whats Up Wid That! Sorry I've always wanted to say that, I'm going with Helms".
Ramsley: "Oh, I forgot he said that... you know what? I've changed my mind. Gafgen or O'Haire wins it".
Oliver: "Pick one... and don't make it Gafgen".
Ramsley: "Mind your own business, you idiot. Fine, I pick O'Haire".
Cash: "The only guy that has a credible shot at a World title after he wins the ladder match is Axl Irvin. He has been there before".
Oliver: "For five seconds. I sneezed and he lost it".
Ramsley: *Laughs*
Cain: "How do you guys feel about the 6 man tag match with Chaos Wolf and two mystery partners taking on The Requiem"?
Oliver: "Chaos Wolf couldn't be more of a loser if he teamed up with Tirpak and called them selves the new Breed.... oh wait. I'm going to go with Thorn, not cause Thorn is so good but because Wolf is SOOO bad".
Cash: "There have been a lot of possible names floating around backstage about who Wolfs partners are. How about... who cares? The Requiem have this one in the bag".
Ramsley: "This is a no brainer. I don't see a bunch of idiots who have read the Twilight books one too many times being a credible group of wrestlers. Chaos Wolf and his unknown partners win".
Cash: "Unless his tag team partners are Rex Redford and Tyrone Zorilla".
Oliver: "Who"?
Ramsley: "Who"?
Cash: "Bingo"!
Ramsley: "Point taken..."
Ramplin: "Hard to disagree with that".
Cain: "Next up is the hardcore rules match with Samaiel taking on the Hockey mask wearing freak, Nails".
Oliver: "An old dinosaur or a new guy that can't wrestle... hmmm Nails but god does wrestling need a lemon law".
Ramsley: "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to enjoy every second of this inevitable blood bath... but the question is, which lunatic wins it? Personally, I give the edge to Samaiel. Nails has become complacent... he's too used to no one being able to be as sick as he is... pity we haven't had the chance.... anyway, Samaiel wins".
Cash: "Nails is quite possibly the most overrated person in the TWF. His promos are nothing but vulgarities and he can't mind his own business. Samaiel will show him he is past his prime. Seems to be an underlying theme on this card doesn't it"?
Ramsley: "True, Nails is about as witty as a 4-year-old, but he IS sick, and that's something I can appreciate".
Oliver: "Wrestlemania X: You go Gray.. you come back and have one last match for money that you didn't save".
Cash: "Well he could have came to me. Yeah right.."
Ramplin: "I don't really enjoy the hardcore style of wrestling so I really don't care who walks away with this".
Ramsley: "Of course you don't. *Sigh* No one else sees violence as an art..."
Oliver: "Hit a guy with a chair... hit another guy with a chair... I can see just about as much art in this as Fall Out Boy has good music".
Ramplin: "All I know is I'd rather see a picture perfect dropkick than attacking someone with a weapon".
Ramsley: "It's not in the swing! It's the music of his skull cracking under the steel.... anyway, next question before Oliver runs his mouth again".
Cash: "Agreed, I've got places to be".
Oliver: "And people to do".
Ramplin: "If I must pick, I'll take Nails".
Cain: "King of Cable title match".
Ramsley: "I win. Cain deals with the most pain he's ever felt. End of discussion".
Oliver: "Cain takes this. This will be the number two match on the card this year and I can't wait to see it".
Cash: "Ramsley is a pretty sick puppy. Cain can preach all he wants about being all good and whatnot, but he is a hypocrite. The fans just can't see it. He will find someway to hold onto his title like a DQ or count out".
Ramsley: "Oh, I'll make them see.... and you can stuff your prediction, Oliver".
Oliver: "Oh shut up you daddy issue freak".
Ramsley:.....
Ramplin: "I don't really know much about Ramsley other than he isn't all there in the head and that could be the edge here but I'm gonna go with Cain seeing as he was good enough to help take the title off me".
Ramsley: "Your outlooks will be different after Mania... if you all want me to be civil for the rest of this, I suggest we move onto the next match"...
Oliver: *Leans over to Cash* "This was him being Civil"?
Cash: (with a slight grin) *nods his head*
Cain: "Joe Corey is taking on The Undertaker at WrestleMania X, any predictions"?
Oliver: "Undertaker makes Joe Corey famous".
Ramplin: "Taker makes Corey R.I.P".
Cash: "Joe Corey has waited too long and has trained too hard to lose this match. If it wasn't for the circumstances I would have defeated the Undertaker a few weeks ago on PrimeTime".
Ramsley: "Undertaker... smoke and mirrors are pointless... as much as I'd LOVE to see Undertaker take a beating.... I just don't think Corey's up to the challenge. Undertaker destroys Corey".
Cain: "Next is a match many have been critical of, but it's being called a "once in a lifetime match". John Cena vs. Hulk Hogan, what do you think"?
Ramsley: "Cena. Don't care. Next match".
Oliver: "Boring is gonna be a chant for sure. Cena wins, But the real loser's are the viewers".
Ramsley: "For once Oliver, you're right".
Ramplin: "Cena is the winner without doubt".
Cash: "The two most predictable men in all of wrestling... and the crowd will still eat this up like Thanksgiving dinner. Hogan will win somehow".
Ramsley: "And on a side note, if I have to listen to Cena's little rants about loyalty, respect, and all that other garbage, I'm going to go insane..."
Oliver: "Go"?
Cash: "My thoughts exactly"...
Ramsley: "You've only seen me slightly aggravated".
Cash: "Ramsley you have passed go, you can collect 200 dollars".
Cain: "Money Mike vs. Ramplin".
Ramsley: "'Money' Mike needs to suffer, and badly. And thankfully, I think Ramplin's the man to do it, though I doubt he'll break Mike as much as he could and should, will you J.J."?
Oliver: "Student? sSnce when was Ramplin Money Mike's "Student?" I was in the Horsemen Mike did god knows what but sure as hell didn't mentor anyone. J.J. spears the old man and wins".
Ramplin: "Mike is in for the worst beating he's ever had and if his butt buddies want to get involved they can have one as well".
Cash: "As much as I think JJ Ramplin could one day carry the company on his back, I think he has gone soft lately, playing to the fans. Mike has the experience, but he will experience the Rams Horns here".
Ramsley: *Grins* "I look forward to it then"!
Cain: "Get ready for this one, It's "The Heartbreak Kid" and "The King of Sting".
Ramsley: "Ha! I can't wait to hear Oliver's prediction".
Cash: "Match of the night candidate before it even happens. Oliver wins, and he finally earns a TWF World championship shot in my eyes".
Oliver: "No one beats the King of Sting... no one. Jason Oliver does not lose to the Heart Break Kid. Whether by hook or crook I am walking out of WrestleMania. The head liner, The Showstoppa, The Main event, the Icon".
Ramplin: "Sweet Chin Music Vs The Kickstart. But I have to give it to Oliver he's on a hell of a hot streak right now and I can see him winning this".
Ramsley: "My turn, huh? Well.... personal feelings aside, and as much as I hate to admit it.... you're good Oliver. Good enough that I think you're going to make good on your claims, and good enough that you're probably going to even entertain me. Now that that's said, DON'T make me incorrect with my prediction".
Oliver: "Ramsley... You wanna bet on the Mustang, you're gonna get your money's worth".
Cash: *Checks watch*
Ramsley: "Wasn't it painfully obvious that I think you're going to win, you egotistical moron"?
Oliver: "Of course I have an ego... you would too if you were as good as me".
Cain: "Hold it right there you two, we still have a couple more matches to call. Jordan Rockwell vs Edge for the Universal title".
Oliver: "Edge and if it isn't Edge, then the Universe hates us all".
Cash: "Speaking of egos! Jordan Rockwell has to have one the size of California. Edge has literally been champion for almost two years. That all ends at WrestleMania X, unfortunately".
Ramsley: "Hmm...I can see this going either way. Rockwell wants it, Edge has the will and means to do whatever it takes to keep his belt... in the end, I'm going with Rockwell".
Ramplin: "Both future hall of famer's but Edge is on a hotter streak than Rockwell and he'll take this".
Ramsley: "And by the way, Oliver, everyone, Universe included, already hates you".
Cain: "And finally, the TWF World title match between Randy Orton and Travis Wakeman". Cash: "Wakeman said he will die from this disease of his, and I won't argue with him. However if that's the case we will have to rip the TWF title from his cold dead hands".
Oliver: "Wakeman, and after Melina is done with Randy I have a few uses for her..."
Ramplin: "Orton will do anything to win and I cant see him losing this".
Ramsley: "Ha... the sick versus the healthy.... and what does Melina turning on Wakeman say about nearly all women? They only want you as long as you're useful to them. Anyway, sick or not, there aren't many people who can land a victory over Travis Wakeman. Randy will pull every trick in the book, but in the end... Wakeman will get his dying wish".
Oliver: "This one should be the best Mania yet".
Cash: "This is clearly the most stacked WrestleMania ever. It has legends and the names that made the company famous. Rest assured the show will be off the charts".
Ramplin: "This has the potential to be the best Mania ever".
Ramsley: "Lot of matches booked for this Mania. More matches means more violence. I think I might actually enjoy this".
Cash: "You sure have a hard on for violence don't you"?
Ramsley: *Grins* "What can I say? I enjoy what I'm good at".
Cash: "Fair enough".
Ramsley: "Well, Cash, Ramplin... you two didn't aggrivate me nearly as much as I thought you would. Oliver? You were as much of a tool as I expected".
Cash: "Yeah thanks Ramsley... I guess? Let me just say this is the last time I do one of of these shows, I think the ego is choking me to death. And Kennedy... enjoy California while you can pal, because soon enough you won't be worth a dime".
Ramplin: "I guess that's a compliment so thanks. This really was an experience, good or bad I haven't decided yet".
Oliver: "And we are done"!
Well that turned out pretty well, I must admit I was unsure if all the ego would fit in this column. Before I go I just want to thank all of my co-hosts for this column, special thanks to Richard Ramsley for not having a mental breakdown during this process.
Every year it seems as though WrestleMania is bigger and better than the previous year and I think that may once again be the case this year for WrestleMania X. Until next time thank you for reading The Cain Connection.
