Saturday, October 25, 2005

Diablo is new to the scene. New to the Alliance, great to see fresh new talent on those rp boards.
From what I've read so far from Diablo.. He suffers an outta body experience and through the trauma he meets the Devil himself. Teaching him Dark Powers which he can use in the Real World.
Diablo's soul purpose is to unleash them powers in UWA.
He has powers of a Demon but also fulfils the Work of Jesus who he feels gave him this Demonic Power in the first place as he communicates with this Demon through his Sleep.

So far I have read all his rp's since joining the UWA a month ago and this storyline shows promise. Demon type characters are nothing new these days as the Undertaker/Kane side of Wrestling gimmicks is very appealing to many Rpers.
In order for Diablo to be noticed as one of the favourites of this field we will have to see what he is capable of and where this storyline will lead him.

Well his Rp's are a good length and so far his build up from beginning to what he's written so far has made for interesting reading. His Spelling and Grammar are excellent and description in his Environment is very detailed.
Something I didn't like was when I delved deeper into the narration, he uses words that don't gel with the paragraph making certain words that I read difficult.
The Part in the Promo 'A Drink to the Past' Where Diablo leaves a Church and places his hand into some Holy Water, recoiling at the burning sensation, he writes that he leaves the Church twice and sort of takes the feeling of that moment away.. It kind of spoils it.
I've noticed allot of the description is very poorly written which is a shame for a well thought out character.
I feel this is what let's him down the most, using words that shouldn't be put in certain sentences.
"As he passes each of them he reaches into his pockets and pulls out a $100 bill and gives it to them"

There is nothing wrong in trying to describe Detail but the part in that highlighted sentence 'he pulls out a $100 bill and gives it to them'.
a better way to describe this would be to use more stronger words like.. 'Delving deep into the darkness of his pocket, he pulls out a string of 100 Dollar Bills. As through some insatiable need, he selflessly offers each of these unfortunate folk a 100 Dollar's each which our Homeless friends don't offer a second thought towards accepting his generosity with a smile'

Diablo has all the qualities in the World to improve, his Character is interesting.
He's developing a rich storyline that is both eye catching and an asset to any Fed that has the pleasure of signing him.
Given time I believe Diablo will become one of UWA's top contenders.
Right now Mid-Carder is what I will be giving him until improvements are made. I wish him the best of luck and hope he proves me wrong in later re-reviews.