Look At What I’ve Done

~I saw it in her eyes

When I was sayin’ goodbye

That girl, she ain’t gonna be alright

‘Cause I could tell

She’d be goin’ through a livin’ Hell

And I wouldn’t be there by her side~

David stared at Krys, not wanting to meet her eyes but unable to look away either, the overwhelming amount of pain he seen in those sky blue eyes, eyes that had always reminded him of an Indian summer October day, took his breath away.

She seemed to be retreating within herself, her pain enfolding her like a cocoon. Her shoulder length strawberry red hair cascaded over her shoulders as she hunched slightly, drawing her knees up to her chest, feet planted on the couch.

~And Lord I felt so bad as I sat and watched

Her cry

Thinkin’ I was movin’ on and she was barely

Gettin’ by~

David raked a hand through his short, brown hair and sighed, feeling guilty when he seen the first fat tear roll down Krys’ cheek. He had emotionally checked out of their relationship awhile ago, finally ready to move on with his life after a year and a half of being with her. It was time to move on. For both of them.

“I’m so sorry Krysta, I never meant for it to come to this.” He said, sorrow and regret lacing his tone. “There’s nobody else, it’s not something you did, it’s just over. We’ve gone as far as we can with this.”

Krys inhaled raggedly, unable to say anything, the only thing she could do was give a barely imperceptible nod, his every word driving that stake deeper and deeper into her heart.

~Look at what I’ve done to her

Look at how I made her feel

I gave back her heart, the broken part

She got the wrong end of the deal

And look at what it’s done to me

You gotta know it tears me up

I gave it everything I had, and

Lord, it just wasn’t enough

And hurtin’ her like this seems so wrong

Yeah, look at what I’ve done to her

Now she’s alone~

David seen Krysta a time or two during the next month, always with her best friend Ashley at her side, looking wan and haggard. Seeing the one-time love of his life in that much pain tore him up inside, making his heart clench every time he laid his eyes on her.

He knew she’d been given the short end of the stick so to speak, he hadn’t given her a choice, no chance to say anything, voice an opinion, he’d just ended it. He’d made it final.

Dear God, this seemed wrong, the way he had hurt her, knowing how much she needed him, loved him. David knew hurting Krys would’ve been inevitable but he hadn’t been prepared at how bad it would hurt him in turn.

~I saw her out last night

And she was havin’ a good time

That girl, it looks like she’s doin’ fine

But then I saw a man

Walk up and take her by the hand

And I, oh God, I almost died~

David looked up from his place at the bar when he heard a familiar shriek of laughter and slowly turned around on his stool, brown eyes scanning the crowded room. He finally found her, Krys, leaning against the juke-box with a drink in hand, probably her favorite: a light screwdriver, more orange juice then vodka. Besides her was Ashley, both smiling, both chatting animatedly, their voices loud to be heard over the music that played.

He sipped his beer, watching her, it looked like she was doing just fine. There was a sparkle in her blue eyes, roses in her cheeks, something he hadn’t seen in a long time. Gone were the drab clothes she had lost herself in after their break-up, replaced with sparkly low riding blue jeans and a jade green halter top, silver bangle bracelets on both her wrists.

David’s eyebrows raised when he seen Jeff Hardy walk up to the women, wondering what that purple and blue haired joker wanted. His heart lurched painfully when he seen Jeff take Krys’ hand, when he seen Krys lean into Jeff, a bright smile on her face.

~And then it hit, she didn’t really need me

I just there for awhile, until I

Finally smiled~


It suddenly struck David that he had been wrong. Krysta didn’t need him at all. He sat there for awhile, barely hearing the continuous stream of music that played, his eyes watching the woman he had walked away from.

He watched as she danced with Jeff, their arms wrapped around each other, smiling and talking softly with each other. Finally, David smiled, a sad smile.

~Look at what I’ve done to her

Look at how I made her feel

She’s found somebody new

And look who took the time to heal

And look at what it’s done to me

You gotta know it tears me up

To have walked away from the love we made

And just leave it in a cloud of dust

And now it’s got me thinking’ maybe I was wrong

After all the things I’ve done to her

Now she’s strong~

David shook his head, mentally kicking himself in the ass. Seeing Krys like this was an unexpected shock. The feelings seeing her with another man brought out… he hadn’t been prepared for those, definitely not.

Maybe he had been wrong, maybe he should have stayed with Krys and tried to make things work out. David sighed heavily, feeling his body sag back against the bar, trying to deal with these new thoughts.

~I walked up and said hello

She said, “It’s good to see ya

But hey, I’ve gotta go.”~

Finally, David worked up enough courage to slip off his stool and approach Krys. She was now standing just off the dance floor with Jeff, Jeff’s brother Matt and Ashley, nodding at something Matt was saying. He came up behind her, clearing his throat.

Krys slowly turned to look at him, arching an eyebrow.

“Hello.”

She smiled slightly, inclining her head to him. “It’s good to see ya, David.”

David nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Good to see you too.” He watched as Jeff helped her into her old denim jacket, his heart sinking at her next words.

“Hey, I gotta go. Nice seeing you.” Krys smiled one last time, entwining her fingers with Jeff, who just nodded at David, and let her new love guide her out of the bar.

~Look at what I’ve done to her

Look at how I made her feel

She’s standin’ tall, she’s got it all

Got the world at her heels

And look at what it’s done to me

Look at how it makes me hurt

If I could go back now

I swear somehow

I’d find a way to make it work~

David revolved on the spot, watching the pair make their way through the crowd, his eyes never leaving Krysta’s retreating form. It was obvious she was on top of the world, she had what she’d been looking for, what he hadn’t been able to give her.

It made him hurt. If he could’ve went back, he would have found a way to make things work. He wouldn’t have walked away from her, not in a million years, not now, not after knowing how he honestly felt about Krysta, knowing he still loved her.

David left the bar as well after collecting his jacket, chuckling sadly at the bitter irony of it all. Krysta had moved on, had healed, had found herself someone new. Now it was him who was alone, he’d lost her.

He slid into his truck, sitting there for a minute, hands idly resting on the steering wheel. Life was funny like that, bittersweet. He thought he’d been doing the right thing by ending things with her, the right thing…. It hadn’t been the right thing at all, his mind had betrayed his heart. Now he was the one alone.

“Look at what I’ve done to me…” David whispered, closing his eyes and swallowing down the pain. “She’s gone.”

~Ain’t life funny

Now I’m the one alone

Look at what I’ve done to me

She’s gone~