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The Leinotaur!

 

                                 

 

 

 

The Leinotaur is one of the most fearsome wrestlers ever. He used to wrestle for the entertainment of Roman emperors, and even headlined Blood Bath AD 199, which was held in the Coliseum. He battled Hesticles the Great in one of the most famous matches ever, and after 40 minutes The Leinotaur hit the gore and pinned him to get the championship. After the fall of the Roman Empire, he wrestled for various independent barbarian leagues, but never reached the level he was previously at. In all those years, he only had one really popular feud. After one of his matches with a jobber, The Leinotaur made fun of the Philistines by saying their cooking was so bad even the flies wouldn’t eat it. After he said this, an 8 foot tall man named Goliath came into the ring and choke-slammed The Leinotaur. They finally met in a much anticipated match which lasted 25 minutes. At first Goliath was winning, but the Leinotaur eventually prevailed when he hit Goliath with a donkey jaw and speared him for the 1-2-3.  In the 18th century, he had a feud that has been widely criticized by fans. Vignettes were shown introducing a heel named the Pope, who had plenty of money but made little old ladies in Germany pay for everything. This angered the Leinotaur, who challenged him to a Street Fight. The match lasted only 6 minutes, ending when The Leinotaur used a new move called “Nuts and Bolts”. This devastating move was a piledriver followed by an elbow drop from the top ropes. Most fans were disappointed by the length of the match.                  

He has tried out for the WWF, WCW, ECW, and many other leagues. So far, only the smaller leagues have given him a shot. Even after 2000 years, he is still in top shape and can still do a top-rope splash, which he calls the “Fall of Rome”. Likewise, his set-up gorilla press (the decline) has not lost its edge. Most people suspect that the WWF did not hire him because in a practice interview, he quoted Tennyson. He then started pointing towards the floor rambling about bringing back the good rhyming poems, even though the specific poem he quoted did not rhyme. This, combined with his juxtaposition of Martin Luther and Osama Bin laden, convinced the WWF he was not right for the job. During his WCW trial, he attempted a new type of suplex which he called “the written word”, and accidentally paralyzed a young, talented WCW wrestler. He came closest to getting a job with ECW. His ECW trial was cancelled due to contract disputes, as The Leinotaur wanted too much creative control. He also insisted that his old enemy, Gracus the Horrible, be brought in with him. Gracus and the Leinotaur wrestled for Antony and Cleopatra in front of 55,000 in TLC match, which is considered a classic. Unfortunately, Gracus is long past his best days, and he can now only do eye rakes, back rakes, leg drops, and a big boot. In a meeting with top ECW officials, an angry Leinotaur told them to “eat their own butts” and then stormed out. He poked his head in seconds later and said “I’m sorry class”, but the damage was done.

He still wrestles occasionally for independent leages, and fans still go crazy when he puts opponents into the nation-state, a submission move similar to the walls of Jericho. Briefly, while working with the Deep South Wrestling League, he was made into a heel. He would come out before each match and show the crowd boring power-point presentations, which often incited a random face to run in and attack him. Several times, he used his laptop to hit his opponents when the referees were distracted. He even once hid brass knuckles in his Mr. Rogers vest during a match for the interconintal title, but he was disqualified when the ref saw this. He then stomped his hooves in anger and power bombed the ref. His most recent memorable feud was against Theseus, a talented young cruiserweight who would interfere in Leinotaur’s matches and try to stab him. They finally faced each other in the first ever Maze Match, in which the loser would be put in a huge maze. After twenty minutes of the two superstars going back and forth evenly, the Leinotaur gained the upper hand and gored him for the pin.  The Leinotaur is indeed a beast, and will be around for some time more as he is practically immortal. He has recently started work on his own federation, the “Western” Wrestling League (“W”WL).

 

Accomplishments

-         Won numerous titles while wrestling for the RWF, the Roman Wrestling Federation.

-         Purchased a game cube for his son.

-         Protesting Urban Sprawl.

 

 

Disgraceful Moments

-         When he caught his wife cheating on him and squished her with a rock.

 

 

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