[-Time-]
8:30 PM [-Date-]
July 7th, 2003 [-Scene-]
Hallway [-Camera-]
On
After Smackdown! has started, and a few super stars from the WWEx locker room have already come out
and cut a promo, the camera cuts to a backstage area. John Cena is standing there. It shows earlier this
week when John Cena, Rob Van Dam and Kane vs. Batista, Rhyno, and Brock Lesnar was announced. John Cena
is pacing backstage before he turns towards the cameras, noticing they want him to talk a little, aka make
a promo. John Cena walks over to a table and grabs a WWEx microphone, then walking back to the cameras.
He looks into the cameras and smirks widely. He then lifts the microphone up to his mouth, still starring
at nothing but the camera. He then begins to talk into the WWEx labeled microphone in front of millions of
people watching at home.
[-John Cena-] Yo doggs.. Yo.. skippy skippy. John Cena in the hiz-ouse, yo.
Yo, main event has Batista, so it's guaranteed to blow
Not even John Cena himself can save us from the ratings downing
Dogg I'll beat you even when I'm just clowning
You act all serious when you're just a joke
"John Cena Bad Mouthing Batista"
I'm a big force, one you don't wanna provoke
Come on, you can't even wrestle right, Mr. Serious Batista
You look like one of those guys who say "Cash or Vista?"
Sorry dogg, I drive a cruiser
You may be a boozer
But that doesn't change the fact that BATISTA'S A LOSER!
Dogg, yo, I don't wanna discourage you, but our team will succeed
And yo dogg, Kane's stupid and Rob Van Dam smokes weed!
Sure, you beat Jericho, but that's just luck
You're headlining the main event, but that doesn't change the fact that you suck!
You're a boring guy, in and out of the ring
And you wonder why you ain't making the big bling bling
Maybe if you wrestle better dogg, you'll get the money
I'm in control, I'll make you hop around like a bunny
Rhyno's not only your tag partner, but also your hunny!
You're gonna be a bloody mess, but it will be funny!
"John Cena Tells Batista"
I'm a top dogg, and you're just a small mutt
You don't want to fight me, you just want it up the butt
Call Rhyno for that crap, that's nasty
Dogg, keep that at home, it's just blasphemy
I'm not that kind of guy, I'm a wrestler
You're nothing but a child molester
I'll eat your brains like Hannibal Lector
Doctor comes in and says "You're dead, sir."
I'm like cancer, deadly and hard to fight
You can try with all your might
But your chances of winning are out of sight
I'm lyridical and you're just silent
Enjoy this, before I get violent
Come on man, you're starting to rust
I'll change your parts like Goldust
I'm going to beat you on Monday, it's just the truth
"John Cena Continues the Verbal Assault"
I'm like a wrestling encaptured Babe Ruth
I'm about to end this little rappy
And you're getting like Brittany Spears - more crappy ?
I'm not done with you yet, fool
I still got to dump your body in the swimming pool
This is going to put a nice, clean L on your record
I'm going to make your reality feel checkered
You're going to fall into a deep pool of un-belief
I make you feel lots of grief
This won't have an after-words instant relief
This pain you will keep
Get out of the kitchen, you can't take the heat
You're like a 13 year old boy, all you can do is beat your meat
You're never getting up after this hit
When I flush, you go flying, you peice of...
[-Scene-]
[-Time-]
8:51 PM [-Date-]
July 7th, 2003 [-Scene-]
Hallway [-Camera-]
Off
"John Cena Coming Out to HeAt"
John Cena holds up the microphone, followed by laughing. John Cena then drops the microphone
on to the cold floor of the long hall he is inside of. He makes his "WoRd LyFe" symbol, before grabbing
on to the camera and pushing it aside. The camera falls on to the ground and breaks, and then the camera
guy starts screaming. Other cameras in the room catch the camera guy pointing at John Cena and a bunch of
backstage officials come running out. John Cena gets a worried look on his face and dashes away. The cameras
shut off in the room as the backstage technicians run after John Cena. John Cena is running down a long hallway
until he takes a turn and walks through some metal cylinders, onto the set of HeAt! John Cena keeps walking
[-Time-]
8:55 PM [-Date-]
July 7th, 2003 [-Scene-]
HeAt Set [-Camera-]
On
out on to the stage of HeAt, which is of course in Times Square of New York, in WWEx New York! The crowd spots
someone in the back, but don't know that it's John Cena. John Cena keeps walking out and then the crowd finally
see's him. They immediately start into a chorus of boo's for John Cena. John Cena tells them to simmer down as
he walks out onto the stage of HeAt, where Josh Matthews and Tazz are. John Cena turns and looks at the couch
which seats Josh and Tazz. John Cena smirks and walks over to the other couch across from them. He interrupts the
on-going show by sitting down and waits to be talked to. Although this isn't going to go on the HeAt show, it's
shown on Smack Down!.
[-Josh Matthews-] Welcome, John Cena, to HeAt.
[-Tazz-] What's up, Cena?
[-John Cena-] Yo.. I'm afraid to eat the hot dogs, I don't know where you doggs have put them, they
might taste like shit.
[-Tazz-] Ooooh, he TOLD you, Josh.
[-John Cena-] I was talking to you, too, Tazz.
[-Scene-] Tazz gives a mad glare to John Cena.
[-John Cena-] Any ways, I'm going to guide you two doggs. Josh Matthews, you're young, so I don't blame
you. Tazz, you're retarded, so I don't blame you. This is something called an interview. You
ask me questions. I answer those questions. Then you leave and go F yourselves.
[-Tazz-] Okay, I got a question. After all the talking you did on Thursday, how did you still manage
to get your ass KICKED and killed by Scott Steiner and Kurt Angle?
[-John Cena-] Tazz... Tazz... Tazz... I could ask you the same question. Except mine would be a little
different. It would go along the lines of how did you go from ECWx CHAMPION of the WORLD, to
a color commentator for the WWEx, and not even be good at it? How did you lose all your integrity
so quickly? WWEx has you as a commentator who asks the super stars, like me, how they
lost? Well Tazz, how did you lose your world title? How did you lose your pride?! But besides
that, about your stupid question, I didn't lose. Well, yeah, the other team won, doggs, but
it wasn't my fault. Did you see what happened? They completely hit me with a bunch of weapons.
It wasn't fair at all! And once they hit me with weapons, they covered up for it. Kane suddenly
jumped out of his retard-o land and ran into the ring. He ran across the ring towards Scott Steiner,
who was doing nothing, not towards Kurt Angle who was trying to pin me, and he ran up to Scott
Steiner, and he started hugging him! Not only that, he was hugging him, he was also playing
grab ass with him! And after that, they started rolling around on the mat! The only reason I
got pinned was because I was so dazed at how stupid two human-beings could be. I guess the freak
wanted a piece of Freak Zilla. I don't know.
[-Josh Matthews-] Okay, I have a real question. As you said, which I'm not saying if I agree with or not,
your partner Kane screwed up. That caused you to have a loss. Your record was 100% of a win
percentage, and you wouldn't let anyone forget it. How do you feel to have a 50% win percentage
now?
[-John Cena-] You see what Kane did? Do you see? He made me lose my perfect record. It's all his fault.
He should never be allowed to wrestle again. He caused a great wrestler to look bad. That's
worse than me losing. That's horrible. Kane is just bad. He's bad at everything. Bad at wrestling,
bad at being normal, and bad at being smart. Kane is a NOTHING. He was playing grab-ass with Scott
Steiner while I was getting hit with big shiny things. Kane is a human being. Kane is a human, being
an idiot. Doggs, I don't think I should even get a loss on my record. Kane should get 2 instead.
Want to know why? Because he's the one who cost us the match. I told you he would. And what did he
do? He cost us the match. There is NO excuses for that. It's all his fault. I have an eternal pain
now. I feel like I should burn Kane once again. I would take off his mask and I would get some lighte--
[-Josh Matthews-] Okay, okay, spare us the gorey details. Next question -- how do you feel that you have to face
the team that interrupted your match with the tag team champions, along side with Brock Lesnar?
[-John Cena-] Some people would be scared. I'm not some people. I am ready to kick some ass. I will make
my record 66.6%, then 75%, and then so on and so forth. I feel the anger changing me! I'm
like the hulk. I will take on anybody at any time, just piss me off and I'll tear off your
head. Rhyno, Batista, and Brock Lesnar are going to soon find out about this. I'm like in the
ring, Rhyno runs up for a gore. All of a sudden... RAHHH! OH GOD! I FEEL THE ANGER CHANGING ME!!
And I stop that white boy Rhyno with the palm of my hand. I then pick him up and throw him around
the arena. You see, in this match, the difference between me and Rhyno is that Rhyno has nev'ah been
to the hood before. You know, the ghetto. Brooklyn, New Y-awk. He's never been shot. He's never
been in a gang war. And I'm also a veteran. I got my training from Brooklyn and they automatically
accepted me. That's because I'm so good. And you know what? I took a bullet in Nam. See, did Rhyno
ever do that? No.
[-Josh Matthews-] You're not old enough to have been in Vietnam...
[-John Cena-] Dogg, ain't nobody wants to hear you talking.
[-Scene-]
"John Cena Getting Interviewed by Josh Matthews"
[-Time-]
9:04 PM [-Date-]
July 7th, 2003 [-Scene-]
Backstage Area [-Camera-]
On
John Cena stands up. Josh Matthews stands up as John Cena starts to walk away. Josh Matthews
beckons the camera crew as he starts running backstage after John Cena. John Cena has a lead, so it takes
a while for Josh Matthews to figure out where he is going John Cena keeps walking until he finds a big room
backstage. He is in shock and awe with the huge 18 wheeler that is there even though it's not in the parking
lot and the parking lot is a far ways away. John Cena is wondering why the backstage people put stupid props
there that won't help anything at all. John Cena keeps walking through the propped backstage area, looking
around for more dumb stuff done by the WWEx people. Josh Matthews runs out into the room, pointing at John
Cena and holding a microphone. He runs over to John Cena and the camera crew follows. Josh Matthews continues
the interview there, even though John Cena tried to get away from him. Josh Matthews holds up the microphone
to his own mouth, and then begins to talk again, but John Cena cuts him off.
[-John Cena-] Dogg, I said this interview is over.
[-Josh Matthews-] One last question... please.
[-John Cena-] Fine! But make it quick.
[-Josh Matthews-] Okay, okay. [Tries to catch breath] Who do you think ran over Rob Van Dam?
[-John Cena-] Dogg... man.. I don't know... err... no comment.
"Jim Ross and Jerry 'The King' Lawler"
[-Jim Ross-] No comment? I wonder what Rob Van Dam and Kane are thinking...
[-Jerry "The King" Lawler-] What? Are you accusing John Cena?
[-Jim Ross-] No, but it sounds just a LITTLE bit fishy, if you ask me. I mean, nobody ever said that
it couldn't have been John Cena. Maybe he went for Kane and missed!
[-Jerry "The King" Lawler-] John Cena isn't inhuman! That's wrong to accuse him like that!
[-Jim Ross-] It just sounds a bit weird if you ask me...
[-Jerry "The King" Lawler-] Well, nobody asked you!
[-Scene-]
"Funaki Tries For An Interview with John Cena"
[-Time-]
9:06 PM [-Date-]
July 7th, 2003 [-Scene-]
Backstage Hallway [-Camera-]
Off
John Cena continues walking backstage, through the heavily propped room. Josh Matthews looks
a bit disappointed. John Cena walks through the backstage hallways up to his locker room. He puts the
key in the lock and turns it, followed by opening the door. He walks into his locker room and Funaki
is there, waiting for him with his "Numba Wun Raw Interview'ah" shirt on. Funaki gets a bright look
on his face and walks up to John Cena. John Cena tells him off and puts his hand in front of Funaki,
and Funaki looks discouraged. John Cena shakes his head.
[-John Cena-] I'm going to the ring.. ugh..
[-Time-]
9:09 PM [-Date-]
July 7th, 2003 [-Scene-]
Making his Way to the Ring [-Camera-]
On
[-Scene-] John Cena walks out of his locker room, with Funaki still looking mad. John Cena stepped out into the hallway
and then walked forward a bit. He then went to the left and walked down a long hall. He had to go through
"John Cena Comes Down to the Ring"
a few
corners and finally he got to the curtains, and walked through them. John Cena walked out onto the stage and walked
across the stage. Lilian Garcia didn't announce him. He walked down the ramp to the end of the ramp-way, and then he
did his "WoRd LyFe" gang sign symbol. He walked up to the ring and then rolled into the ring. He then stood up and walked
over to the ropes, followed by raising his arms and growling. He then dropped his arms but kept the microphone in his right
hand. John Cena then picked this microphone up to his mouth, starring out into the crowd of thousands, and began talking.
[-John Cena-] I don't even know what loser town I'm in tonight... but hell, do I even want to know? The fact of the matter is this.
Tonight, I have to fight in the main event. The MAIN event. The thing you all came and paid to see. Meaning you all came
and paid to see me. They also paid like little cents to see Rhyno, Batista, and Brock Lesnar, but mostly me. I mean, why
wouldn't you pay to see me? The man of the F-U, the man who is going to probably pin Brock Lesnar tonight, that loser. I
mean, he completely copied off my finisher! The F-U, the F-5, come on! Brock Lesnar deserves to be condemned. And tonight..
I'm going to finish the job. I am going to finish off Brock Lesnar. All the fan-boys out there, get ready to go into tears.
Tonight is my chance. Brock Lesnar signed a waver that said if I destroy all his limbs, he can't do ANYTHING about it. And
that's why I'm going to completely make him squeal. I mean, look at the titan tron.
"Tale of the Tape"
It is showing the tales of the tape,
of me vs. Brock Lesnar. I am a five time West Newbury Free Styling Champion. Does Brock Lesnar have any five-time accomplishments?
Brock Lesnar, I make a small little verse for you.
[-Scene-] John Cena walks around the ring, smirking.
"John Cena Raps About Brock Lesnar"
[-John Cena-] Brock Lesnar, the man with the F-5 Fury
Brock Lesnar, the man I will bury
Brock Lesnar, intelligence at an all-time low
Brock Lesnar, you're mediocre, way to go!
Brock Lesnar, your chances of winning are slimming
Faster than a group of balemic women!
Brock Lesnar, you're going to be put down
Wow, you take steroids, want a crown?
A gold medal?
Share William Regal's tea kettle?
You gotta earn your shots, dogg, not just cheat
Quitting, why? "I GOT BEAT!"
Brock Lesnar's a homo, all he wants to do is deck the halls
Brock Lesnar, come back when you drop your...! WORD LY---
[-Scene-] "Here Comes the Pain!!" hits throughout the arena on the public address system and the crowd
completely explodes! John Cena gets a worried as hell look on his face as Brock Lesnar comes running
down the ramp-way. John Cena drops down and rolls out of the ring. John Cena stands up as Brock Lesnar
shoots his body in a straight motion under the bottom rope. Brock Lesnar stands up, holding a microphone.
[-Brock Lesnar-] JOHN CENA!! You want to talk all that, but where's your actions! Get in here and d---
"John Cena Puts Brock Lesnar in a Sleeper"
"Brock Lesnar Bench Presses John Cena"
[-Scene-] John Cena slides into the ring behind Brock Lesnar and hits him in the back of the head with
a chair. Brock Lesnar crouches down but then stands straight up and starts laughing. John Cena
hits him again and jumps onto his back. John Cena puts Brock Lesnar into a leg-curled-around
sleeper hold. Brock Lesnar turns all red in the face and starts to yell. Brock Lesnar then gets
to a knee, with John Cena getting scared. Brock Lesnar gets to his other knee and bench presses
John Cena into the air. Brock Lesnar then breaks off the leg hooking and holds John Cena on his
shoulders. Brock Lesnar spins around with John Cena on his shoulders as John Cena struggles to
get off. Brock Lesnar then spins John Cena off and John Cena evades the F-5, but not by much. John
Cena lands on his feet, but almost immediately after words, John Cena does a face-plant onto the mat.
John Cena bounces up into the air and lands on his back. John Cena holds onto his forehead, feeling near
the pain of the F-5. Brock Lesnar starts pointing at John Cena and John Cena backs up, crawling, into
a corner. Brock Lesnar walks over to John Cena and points at him while trash talking. Brock Lesnar's music
hits and he drops down, rolling out of the ring. Brock Lesnar stands up and walks backwards up the ramp-way,
to the backstage. John Cena eventually stands up and his music hits as well. John Cena drops down and rolls out
of the ring, standing up. John Cena limps over to the ramp way, but then fixes his posture and walks up the ramp
normally. John Cena turns around and does his "Word Lyfe" gang sign symbol, before walking backstage.
