I'm going to start this week's commentary off with something that I found extremely truthful and amusing. The Pro Wrestling Illustrated top 500 has recently hit the newsstands, the one thing I always look forward to reading in the issue, is the column written by the PWI Editor, Brandi Mankiewicz. This year she hits a topic that I talk about every once in a while....Todays Professional Wrestlers. She talks about the lack of talent in Independent wrestling. Seeing as much of the North American wrestling scene as I have, I completely agree with her. The guys you find in many dressing rooms across North America nowadays are the very same, and look the very same as they did when they were sitting in the stands, as Brandi said "there are just too many fans in the ring and not enough formally trained wrestlers who look the part". Don't get me wrong, just like everyone else, I went and saw every live wrestling show I could get to before I started wrestling, the main difference now, is that when people meet me for the first time, there is never a doubt that I wrestle professionally, in fact before ever saying a word, I get many people saying "boy, do you ever look like one of those wrestlers on TV". I am a strong advocate for having wrestlers look like wrestlers, that doesn't necessarily mean big freaky monsters, but when I look at guys like Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, Low Ki, AJ Styles or Jerry Lynn, I may not see the tallest guys in the world, but I see guys that look the part. There is no place in the wrestling business for kids that look like they just walked in off the street. Every little former backyard wrestler that can do a moonsault or a 450 splash is now lacing up the boots in legitimate wrestling companies all over the world. It takes alot more than flipping around a ring for 10 minutes to be a Professional Wrestler. If you do happen to be one of those guys that looks like every guy sitting in the seats, take this last piece of advice from the ever so wise Brandi..."If a top-notch talent like Steve Bradley can get his walking papers from WWE, there's no chance in hell for most of the kids out there today."
Well that was a bit of a rant to start this week off, but every so often I go a bit loopy. Speaking of loopy, as I write this Juggerstories, I am watching a movie called Ted Bundy. Obviously it's a movie based on the notorious serial killer Ted Bundy. He was one serious nutcase. I don't necessarily recommend this movie for everyone, since it will give some bigtime nightmares to alot of people, but for some reason I have always been interested in reading about and watching movies about serial killers and how they always end up getting their asses thrown in jail (well not ALWAYS). The movie itself isn't too bad, I'm sure with a bigger budget it would be a bit better, but not many bigtime movie studios out there can justify shelling out a bunch of money to do a movie about legitimate lunatics. Uh oh, Teddy boy just let one get away, that'll come back to haunt him.
On to the fiasco that was the Stampede Wrestling show this past Friday. I was in a tag match for the Stampede Wrestling International Tag Team titles, me and Johnny Devine vs. Bruce Hart and TJ Wilson. All was going well when all of a sudden Devine jumps on the Hart wagon and nails me with a chair. What kind of bad, bad drugs has he been taking? Who in their right mind joins up with the Hart family? Needless to say, I was left in the ring a bloody mess at the hands of the damn HArt family and their peons. I'm just not sure they really know what can they have just opened, it's time to stop playing around for a while and bring back just a little of the former, much more violent version of Juggernaut. The next Stampede Wrestling show will be Friday, November 1st, it's definitaly going to be interesting to say the least.
I really want to dress up as a pimp for Halloween, but I am having one hell of a time finding a good pimp costume. I think I would make one fantastic pimp. Then I could spend the night recruiting hoes, and that would be funny in itself.
This week, both of the pictures of the week are borrowed (ok, ok stolen) once again from the Hooligans (www.thehooligans.ca). They are both taken during a match I had a couple months ago against Johnny Handsome. The first one is a picture of a head and arm submission I was happily crushing the little musclehead with during the match.
This next one is the end of the match, it's a picture of me giving the K-Drill to Johnny Handsome onto a chair that he so graciously whacked me with earlier in the match.
I am going to post some of my favorite top 10 lists I have done in the past. I have been trying to think of some new lists, and until I come up with something, I am going to post some of the ones I got the most response from. This one is one of my absolute favorites, the top 10 ways to brush of women you don't want to talk to.
Juggernaut’s top 10 brush off techniques
10. Tell her you’re gay - This one only works for some guys, it has to be believable, if you’re a big biker looking dude, odds are they aren’t going to believe you and will get very offended. It works the best if you look like Scotty Mac.
9. Introduce her to someone else - Try and find someone in the bar that has a similar look to them as you do, this girl obviously liked you for some reason before she ever talked to you. Become "bar friends" with this guy then happily introduce the annoying girl to him and run away.
8. Talk on the phone - You have to keep your head up on this one, but every time you see her coming towards you, grab your cell phone and say "hello". She will either give up or think you are a pimp and avoid you, either way is good.
7. Ignore her - Works a lot like the phone technique, but this time you just casually turn your back as you see her coming, then quickly start a conversation with whoever you are looking at, sometimes it may backfire if you turn to find an even worse girl, but this is a risk you must sometimes take.
6. Sneak out - You just wait until she turns her back and sneak out the door, there are many other places you can go. If she won’t let you out of her sight, you may have to go off to the washroom and cram yourself out of a very small bathroom window, but it’s better than the alternative.
5. Relationship Lies - There are a couple ways you can use relationship lies, 1)you can claim to be married/engaged, never say you have a girlfriend because crazy chicks don’t care. 2) you can say you are only looking for one night stands or the opposite, you are looking for someone to marry. You have to be very careful which one to use, because if you pull the one night stand gimmick with the wrong girl, you may be attempting #6 later to avoid a night of Sea Cow loving.
4. Buy her drinks - I know "what are you, crazy?" but it works. This one only works if you have to dough to throw around. You buy her so many drinks that she passes out drunk in the corner of the bar, then you are off the hook. The only problem here, is that if the bartender thinks you are together, you will be the one carrying her to the cab at the end of the night. I suggest leaving before they can find you once the lights come on.
3. Be Blunt - "Piss off you horrible Creature!!" or "Don’t you think you should use a mirror before coming out?" are usually very effective ways of getting a nasty girl to leave you alone. Once again there are some possible problems, she may cry and cause a bad scene, she may pour a drink over your head, she may have a very large brother that likes to play with handguns, or the worst, she may kick you square in the ding-a-l-ling….BE CAREFUL!
2. Fake an illness - scratch your groin alot, cough up fake blood or talk about the time you had to take 5 penicillin a day to get rid of the "bumps". Whatever you do, make it sound real and never lose sight of the goal. Please make sure there are no actual good looking girls anywhere near, because the last thing you need is for them to start talking to their friends.
1. Bring along a GOOD friend - Everyone has that friend that just doesn’t care, the guy that is more than willing to throw himself on the grenade. He doesn’t care if this girl has one tooth, 4 legs, a hunchback, has a beard or is 600 pounds and needed a crate of "I can’t believe it’s not butter" to get through the door. This is why he is a GOOD friend, he will get you out of a lot of trouble, make sure you take care of him, if you don’t, guess who will somehow get your number.
All these techniques have very serious risks that come along with them. I shall not be held responsible if any of you need to chew your arm off one morning because one or more of these backfired on you. If you happen to be a "GOOD" friend, please feel free to e-mail me and we will have to go out drinking sometime, even though I already have a couple, everyone needs as many GOOD friends as possible.
Well that will about do it for this week. My next appearance will be Sunday October 27th in Calgary at Schanks North, I'm not exactly sure who my opponent will be, but it doesn't really matter.
So until next time...... Chicks Dig Scars..... Ted Bundy was a freaking NUT!!..... The Washington Sniper is fruitcake..... use the brush off techniques, they work!!..... and come check out the HWC wrestling show this Sunday the 27th at Schanks North in Calgary.
Juggernaut