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Melissa Mouths Off
You know what they say about opinions, well, now you get to find out all about Melissa's WWF opinions!

People Melissa LOVES
(in order of my love for them)
Test - My All Time Favorite
Chyna
Triple H
Billy Gunn
Undertaker (only the American Bad Ass, old school Taker is scary)
Shawn Micheals

People Melissa Can't Stand
(In no particular order, they all make me equally nauseous)
Trish Stratus
Eddy Guerrero
X-Pac
Justin Credible
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Terri
Paul Heyman

Melissa's Favorite Referee
Yes, I even have a favorite ref... doesn't everyone??
Mike Chiota

Thing’s that Melissa just needs to say


1. What's with all the old people wrestling these days?!?! I mean, who really wants to see Flair in his underwear??? Not I!! If he insists on wrestling, then I insist that he wear pants and a shirt. I don't need to see his leathery old man skin. Speaking of leathery old man skin - Hello?!? Hogan!! You retired!! Retiring means that you don't do the thing that you retired from anymore. Hence, since Hogan retired from wrestling, he should no longer be wrestling. Not to mention, you are only allowed to retire once and you are not allowed to un-retire. So, Hogan, its time for you to either retire (for real this time) or just die.
2. Since I am on a roll with annoying people, who the hell decided to bring XPac back?? Does Vince really want to piss off his fans? Or does he just like hearing the fans chant "XPAC SUCKS" at the top of their lungs as soon as he steps foot on the ramp? While that is rather entertaining, it does not even begin to make up for making us see the Bronco Buster. Just the thought of having XPac shove his crotch in someone's face...
4. Now, on to the Women's Division. Why the hell is TRISH the women’s champ?!?! I mean, I realize that now she has a whole three wrestling moves (and no, hair pulling doesn't count as a move), but she is still a sad excuse for a wrestler. How many times do I have to say it?!?!? NO MORE BRA AND PANTIES MATCHES! NO MORE GRAVY BOWL MATCHES! NO MORE DEMEANING WOMEN'S MATCHES!! Take the women who can't wrestle and FIRE them. Then get the real talent in the ring and give us a decent womens match.
5. Vince and Stacey? Why do we need to look at a perverted old man hitting on a young woman? Is Vince's penis envy that bad?!? I mean, its bad enough that he has Devon running around calling him a prophet. Vince and Stacey make me sick. In fact, those scenes make me almost as sick as any scene involving Paul Heyman. Does anyone else think that Paul Heyman looks like he should be on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth? Kinda like Porky Pig in the cartoons? Why must I look at and listen to disgusting, slimy, perverted, fat, old men hitting on young women? If I wanted that, I would walk by a construction site in downtown Manhattan.
6. Eddy Guererro? Why? You mean Paul Heyman's hair isn't greasy enough to keep chairs and door hinges from squeaking? I know, next Pay Per View, have Eddy face someone in a "shower match" - the loser is forced to shower and wash his hair with heavy duty industrial strength antibacterial soap. But, don't make us watch the loser in the shower....
7. I think the whole "draft" and "brand extension" idea was a good one. Theoretically it should allow more TV time for all the WWE wrestlers. Unfortunately, it hasn't really worked out that way. There are still quite a few guys who should be getting more time, such as Test, Lance Storm, Christian and Val Venis (Sorry, I refuse to call him the Big Balboski). Also, how will someone from SmackDown ever get a chance to be IC champ? And someone from Raw to be European champ? Same goes for the Cruiserweight, Tag Team and HardCore titles. If you are a tag team and you are on Raw, you are pretty much screwed, you will never get a chance at the titles. Can Vince and Flair make trades? Can they make "inter-brand" matches for PPV?
8. Survivor Series is coming up soon. Last year, they seemed to forget that the whole concept of Survivor Series is to randomly place people into teams or 4 or more and have elimination tag team matches. Let's hope someone hits the creative team over their collective heads with a cinder block and they suddenly remember the history of the Survivor Series PPV.

Melissa's Words of Wisdom

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