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 DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a horrifying display of selfishness and loathing, Jadoo single-handedly turned what was supposed to be a fun afternoon of independent wrestling into a traumatizing and harrowing experience for young and old alike. "I just really hope he got a good look at my children's faces," screamed Bertha Bates, mother of four, at our reporter, "I just hope he saw!" The incident occurred during a post-Christmas wrestling card at The Armory, staged by Armory Wrestling Express, a small regional promotion. Before the main event, in which the A.W.E. champion, Oxydolman, was to be challenged by Portly Wayne Hangover, the ring announcer brought the crowd to their feet with the introduction of long-time indie favourite (and all-around softie) Jadoo. "I'll never forget the shock," said Gretchen Feerg after the show, "when I saw Jadoo just rip that microphone out of Bufort's hand. I knew there had to be something wrong." Jadoo immediately began berating the assembled crowd and hurling insults at several ringside patrons. "I don't know when I've ever seen a bigger collection of human waste in my life," his tirade began, "and I really just have one question: What is that smell?" Jadoo continued, "You got a problem with that, fatty?" speaking to a young overweight boy who had attempted to shout something at Jadoo. "I hope that each one of you garbage bags knows that I don't give a ripe [deleted] about any of you!" Jadoo then began a verbal barrage of foul jokes and innuendi aimed at a wheelchair bound young woman with cerebral palsy, to the disgust of the crowd and management. After about twenty minutes, Jadoo completed his tirade saying, "When Henning told me that I was going to play with animals, I never dreamed that they'd be as disgusting as this. You all belong in the [deleted] zoo, being fed to the [deleted] [deleted] snakes, you worthless [deleted] of [deleted!]" and stormed off. The crowd had to be restrained by security from ramming down the door to the locker room to cause bodily harm to Jadoo, who was quickly removed from the premises. Unable to access Jadoo, the crowd then turned its rage on the main auditorium and the equipment of A.W.E. The ring was dismantled and thrown through several windows and the snack bar was seriously looted before the police arrived to restore order. Damages also included the destruction of three of A.W.E.'s cameras, set up to film the event, causing an estimated loss of over $340. Not all fans received the heel turn quite so negatively, though. Our reporter caught up with a group of young men after the show who seemed pleased with the spot. "Oh, hell yeah, I'm stoked," said Jason Worm, apparently the leader of the group. "The way I see it, Jadoo was just telling it like it is, man." The group of young men then began to chant, "Rambunctious, Rambunctious!" apparently referring to Jadoo's sidekick from the eighties, Rambumptious. "I really don't know what went wrong," said Rambumptious to our reporter via phone, "Jadoo's been running that heel turn routine for about a year now in all the independents, and he's never had any problems. Certainly nothing like this." A.W.E. representatives denied allegations that the riot might have been precipitated by the free bottles of Jägermeister they gave to everyone bringing a canned good for the needy. Jadoo was unavailable for comment. |
