THE WORLD'S FINEST WRESTLING NEWS SOURCE
January 3, 2002 Edition
Previous Editions of The Whirl

Latest Poll:
Should you be like that one dude?

No 52%
Yes 34%
That never took a bath: No;
That thought he had it made: Yes 14%

The Man Himself,
in an undated photo.

DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In an remarkable twist of booking, the one and only Barry White himself appeared at the recent New Year's Eve/Day card put on by the T.W.O.

How the T.W.O., an upstart organization which recently tried to make headlines by having operatives place spurious press releases regarding so-called 'secret meetings' between T.W.O. and PWL officials, was able to secure the services of the one and only Icon Of Love, remains a mystery.

"Man, that was like, you know, totally unexpected," said D'juanté T. Jones, 18, who attended the show. "I heard it might be a recording artist, but I thought that it might be someone like Fingahz or Sssoupie, but out come Barry White, man, and just, like, blew my mind." Q-Dawg, also 18, agreed, saying, "[Shoot,] man, y'know, I been like trippin' my MAN come out, y'know, 'cuz see y'know he be down!"

Also appearing most unexpectedly at the card were former PWL World Heavyweight Champions Seth and The Human Tornado, both believed still to have been under PWL contracts until their appearances.

"It really just makes me sick," said Whirl columnist Mogreasha, "I mean, Timouthey does all he can to make these guys' stay in the PWL worthwhile, and what do they do? Stab him in the back!" Mogreasha went on to say, "I wouldn't be surprised if Timouthey knew something about this beforehand. Yeah. That might explain why he's been having some difficulties lately. That just might explain it, you know? Yeah. Yeah, his mind had been clouded by the problems caused by those ungrateful heathens. That's what it is, I'm sure."

Mogreasha continued, "See, there had to be a rational explanation for why Timouthey would seem (SEEM, I said!) to have had some sort of interest outside of doing right by his fans. Especially his biggest fan. Yes, yes. That doesn't mean he still doesn't have some explaining to do, does it? No sir. But we'll understand. You know how it is, don't you? Don't you?"

Mr. White was unavailable for comment.

DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) After tallying the gate receipts for Paravale's Christmas Goodwill Show, the word became official: No goose for Tiny Tom this year.

"Well, that's what we had feared all along," said Porky Hooton, of Big Stewie Entertainments, "but we figured that we might as well try."

Independent analysts site the 99.7% cut taken by Paravale from the gate receipts perhaps to be part of the problem. "That's preposterous," said Hooton. "The real reason lies in the economic downturn and the devaluation of several nations' currencies over the past fifteen years, most notably that of several south Pacific islands, which today stand at nearly 15,000,000 stone wheels to the dollar." Hooton added, "Your analysts are grasping at straws."

Accounting sheets indicate that an additional .2999% of the gate receipt was appropriated for "Unitemized Goods."

Tiny Tom was unavailable for comment.