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 DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) Paravale Wrestling Limited announced yesterday that they have hired at least 34 new performers, swelling the ranks of their available talent, and all but assuring the inability of any competitor to seriously challenge Paravale and its many enterprises. "This should come as no shock," said Porky Hooton, CEO of Big Stewie Entertainments, "We have consistently made it known that we intend to do business in a grand way, and this is solely one manifestation of that very business philosophy." Mr. Hooton declined comment when asked whether this move spells certain doom for other organizations, such as the T.W.O. "I will say, though," Mr. Hooton conceded, "that to understand the consequences for dealing foolishly when competing with Paravale, one need look no further than the smouldering and putrefying ruins of a certain organization, now dead, formerly based on the west coast." The new signees are comprised mostly of talent previously competing in small independent federations, with a few who are just out of training. Still, the prospects are highly promising, and the talent come recommended by such stalwart members of the business as Joe The Giant, and Frank Jackson. One name, however, on the list of hirees has caused some controversy among some of the fans: "The Moonshine Hillbilly." "It's a perfectly legitimate name," said Frank Jackson, Head of Personnel Development for the PWL, "He has been wrestling under that name for almost three years." Beulah Jefferson, president of Coalition For Wrestling Fandom, sees it differently. "I see it differently," Jefferson told our reporter. "Having a wrestler named 'Moonshine' is pretty offensive, I think, and a bad example to the children. They shouldn't be trying to profit off of criminal behaviour, especially something as serious as murder," said Jefferson, referring to the recent mysterious death of Mr. Don Tennant, and to James T. Moonshine, believed to have been involved. "It's one thing to ram a man's head into a turnbuckle, or to use a steel rod or wooden beam to knock him unconscious," Jefferson continued, "But it's quite another thing to call a wrestler 'Moonshine.'" Tosha-Lewaneeka Mathers, 15, agrees. "I agree," said Mathers. "I mean, it's just as bad as if there were wrestlers named 'Manson,' or 'Bundy!'" The Moonshine Hillbilly and James T. Moonshine were both unavailable for comment. |
