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January 26, 2002 Edition
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James T. Moonshine,
in an undated photo.

DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) "I'm afraid that's really about it," said Sergeant Richard York of The Police Department, "there's really nothing more that we can do."

With those words Sergeant York announced the official suspension of the active investigation into the murder of Don Tennant.

"I mean, when you really get down to it, we had so much working against us," said Sergeant York, "For example: the L.A. County Coroner's office has officially ruled the death as having come from natural causes, the family doesn't want an investigation, there are no promising leads and no suspects, and we're already strapped for time and manpower as it is." "That, and the fact that Mr. Tennant died outside of our jurisdiction."

On a practical level, this is a step which will no doubt allow the murderer, James T. Moonshine, to once again walk a free man in our society, free to perpetrate who knows how many more atrocities before he is finally caught.

"All we ever wanted to do was speak with Mister Moonshine," said Sergeant York, "he was never a suspect. But now that the case is suspended, we are no longer interested in pursuing an interview."

"I think it's great," said Tony The Tiger, in a phoned interview with our reporter, "I'm glad to see that this whole mess is behind us, and that now we can get on with all of our lives. Yeah. I don't think it could have turned out better."

James T. Moonshine, the murderer, is still at large and was unavailable for comment.

Rest assured that The Whirl is not giving up our search for justice and truth in this case, and that we will continue to bring you all the up-to-date information as we uncover it.

Merv P. Moonshine of Bug Tussle, who claims to be the brother of fugitive James T. Moonshine, suspected murderer in the murder of Don Tennant, murder victim, was arrested early yesterday morning as he attempted to walk off with several wooden pillars left outside a school cafeteria.

Beulah Parker of The County was questioned and released in an investigation of the theft of several cartons of Pall Mall cigarettes from Siggi's Ciggies, a local grey-market cigarette, beer, liquor, and firearm establishment.

Trudy Starg of The South Side was arrested in connection with a domestic disturbance call. Neighbors complained of excessive noise and the release of several razorback boars.