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 DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, Monty Swell was observed leaving a local tavern last evening in a state of advanced inebriation. The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else. "Juh better get that cam'ra outta here, brother," said Swell, legendary game show host and sometime announcer for the PWL. "Don't be takin' 'em pitchers outchere, unhh. I don't have my glasses on." Our reporter had been minding his own business in the studio apartment over the small variety hardware shop across the street from the tavern that is rented by The Whirl, when he noticed Swell being aided to the parking lot area of the tavern by longtime friend Captain Zemo. When our reporter approached the duo, who seemed not to be making exceptionally good time in their attempt to reach their car, Zemo was heard to remark, "Hello," by way of giving our reporter clearance to quote him in The Whirl. In addition, Zemo informed our reporter, "Nice evening." The bartender at the tavern, "Gus," told our reporter, "Yeah, that orange fellow had been in here most of the evening with that other dude. They were just sitting over there. They seemed to be having a good time." "Gus" informed us that only Swell had ordered alcoholic beverages. Zemo apparently drank only a couple of bottles of Orangina, and one shot of Worcestershire sauce. Our reporter caught up with the duo again, still attempting to make their way to the parking lot. When they were asked about their drinking habits that night, Swell responded, "Just celebratin', brother. Thought it'd be fun to come out here with m' friend and get away from the ole lady for a while. Ole Captain here got him a new job, and we're just celeleberatin', uhhh." Captain Zemo then nodded and informed our reporter that he had gotten a job down at the riverfront baiting hooks. We had no further questions. Zemo then situated Swell in the passenger side of an orange Torino with a black vinyl top. As Zemo fastened the shoulder harness, Swell confusedly turned to our reporter to ask, "Why is he tying me up?" Zemo then closed the door. As Zemo started the car, our reporter asked him why he hadn't had anything to drink. "Designated driver," came the answer. At this point, he drove off. Our press pool found this to be a very odd statement, since everyone knows that a designated driver naturally drinks so many alcoholic beverages that one will not be able to recall how many, even under oath. Not to mention the illegal drugs. That's what we think. Mrs. Swell was unavailable for comment. |
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 Name: Eddie
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