THE WORLD'S FINEST WRESTLING NEWS SOURCE
April 18, 2002 Edition
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Latest Poll:
Where's Wrongway?

He went the wrong way. 52%
The sunny side of the street. 21%
Who? 18%
Jeering The Pirates. 9%

Eunice delivers a poignant ballad,
in an undated photo.

DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, Armory Wrestling Express promoter Bill Gargle has announced that he has signed legendary singer, dancer, and dramatist Eunice to appear at the next A.W.E. show.

The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else.

The announcement was received today in our offices through a photocopied press release. The original seems to have been hand-written on a paper napkin.

The release read, in part: "The AWE is proud to announse that we has will sing EUNITS at hour next show!" The release also assured its readers, "Thats rigth! Plus manny moor stars nuly sined!"

When our reporter attempted to reach Eunice, he was told by her "agent" that, "Mrs. Higgins has been contracted to sing the national anthem at the beginning of the show." No further details could be given, our reporter was told.

Our reporter was hung up upon when he accused the "agent" of being Eunice herself.

Commenting on this weird behaviour, longtime A.W.E. ring announcer "Bufort" informed our reporter, "Honestly, why do you keep calling? I swear you must have some sort of vitamin deficiency, or something. If you've got no real questions to ask, please leave me alone, will you?" "Bufort" then hung up the phone.

Armed with this information, we at The Whirl think it a safe bet that things are not at all well behind the scenes at A.W.E. It is probably only a short amount of time before it folds.

"That's right baby, doomed, brother," said one industry insider on condition of anonymity. "Just like that T.W.O., baby, that Bill Gargle is gonna learn that nobody, and I'm talkin' nobody, goes up against the PWL and comes out standing, slack!"

Bill Gargle was unavailable for comment.

Name: Leerouy Friecqaut
Age: 28
Hometown: Upstate
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