THE WORLD'S FINEST WRESTLING NEWS SOURCE
April 23, 2002 Edition
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Latest Poll:
What have you got against these earth-moving machines?

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A.W.E. Promoter Bill Gargle,
in an undated photo.

DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, Armory Wrestling Express promoter Bill Gargle called the offices of The Whirl late Monday night "to proclaim victory in the wrestling wars."

The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else.

The call was logged at approximately 10:54 last evening. Gargle introduced himself as "The promoter of the only wrestling company that still exists," and, "the most extreme person in wrestling."

Gargle went on to assure our receptionist that he had "buried all the rest of those guys, 'cause they couldn't take it." Gargle then made an obscure reference to the brains of other promoters being unable to take the "coolness" of his A.W.E. concern.

When asked what the [deleted] he was talking about, Gargle replied, "Well, see, since the A.W.E. has taken off into the mainstream... We haven't heard anything from any of those other federations. They're ascared, and they got ascared of me, so they chickened out."

When further asked what the [deleted] he was talking about, Gargle assured us, "Haven't you been paying attention, man? 'Cause the A.W.E. has taken over, without a doubt. After we signed Charlie Hawse and Eunice, the other companies knew that they couldn't, you know, compete. And so they chickened out and shut down. You haven't seen anything at all out of that, what do they call it, the P.W.L., or that T.W. whatever, have you?"

Our receptionist had to admit that she hadn't. However, when she attempted to explain to Gargle that perhaps that is because the promoters of those leagues were most likely busy with something called "real life," Gargle scoffed.

"No, no, it's not real life. Totally it is because they're ascared 'cause they know that the A.W.E. is more radical. And so they shut down."

In closing, Gargle promised our receptionist, "I think we know. I think we all know."

An industry insider who spoke to us on condition of anonymity was unavailable for comment.

Name: Nancy
Age: 25
Hometown: Trailerparke Estates, Dump County
Favourite Wrestler: Verdon and Froog
Favourite Whirl Feature: Whirl

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