THE WORLD'S FINEST WRESTLING NEWS SOURCE
May 21, 2002 Edition
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AWE promoter Bill Gargle,
in his basement training facility,
in an undated photo.

DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, Armory Wrestling Express has announced that it plans a nationwide tour this summer.

The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else.

"Yeah, it's gonna be the coolest thing," said AWE promoter Bill Gargle in a phoned press release to our offices, "We're just gonna be everywhere this summer, since we've just gotten so great. We're already figuring out where we're going to be."

The announcement of this whirlwind tour was apparently precipitated by the purchase of a vehicle by Gargle and some friends.

"Oh, yeah, me and Barry, and Chad, we bought this great car. It's awesome. We bought it from Chad's brother, who's going into the Navy, so he was getting rid of it, and the three of us got together and bought it. We're gonna each use it on certain days of the week. But this summer, we're taking in on the road, and bringing the AWE experience to the entire world!"

Logistics for the tour are reportedly being handled by Barry, since, "he bought a road atlas yesterday at The Store. We think we may go to Alaska, even."

Talent working for AWE were, to a man, unaware of the planned tour.

"I don't know anything about it. But I'm not driving halfway across the continent in my car, I'll tell you that," said one worker, on condition of anonymity. "I'll just stay here and work for Charley."

"For the sixth time, I don't have anything to do with that end of the business," said longtime AWE ring announcer "Bufort." "All I do is announce when there's a show. That's all I do. Do you understand English?"

The tour also came as a surprise to Mrs. Selma Gargle, mother of promoter Gargle.

"They went and bought that car?" said Mrs. Gargle when our reporter spoke to her. "And now they're going to drive to Alaska? They don't even have enough money to pay the insurance." At this point, hysterical laughter was heard in the background, and Mrs.Gargle told someone to settle down, please. Mrs. Gargle quickly ended our phone call by saying, "Thank you for calling."

We at The Whirl are looking forward to the tour.

"I don't know anything about it," said one Whirl staffer, "but I'll bet it'll be more honourable than seeing a tour of that three-ring hate crime circus that they call the TWO! That's what I'll bet."

The Terror was unavailable for comment. He mentioned something about losing a phone number. You can be sure that we at The Whirl will get to the bottom of that.