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The Tower Climbin' Jackass, |
DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, international wrestling superstar the Tower Climbin' Jackass has declared himself a free agent, taking offers from all takers. The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else. "That's right, brother," said Mr. Jackass in a phoned press release to our newsroom, "The Tower Climbin' Jackass is free from all commitments and taking bids from all the major companies. Seeing as The Whirl has its finger on the pulse of the wrestling world, The Tower Climbin' Jackass thought that he'd spare you a dime and clue you all in." Mr. Jackass went on to assure our office, "Taking bids, brother. Offers, is what The Tower Climbin' Jackass is taking. If The Tower Climbin' Jackass was you, he'd be urging all the promoters reading The Whirl to get their bids in as soon as they can, so they don't get lost in the shuffle!" We at The Whirl plan to do just exactly that. We at The Whirl urge all the promoters reading The Whirl to get their bids in as soon as they can, so they don't get lost in the shuffle. Mr. Jackass, best known for being the other guy discussed the night the Whole Lotta Dummies angle was approved, assured us that he is sure to be a boon to the next company to hire him. One industry insider told our press pool, "Huh? The Tower Climbing Jackass? I've [...] heard of him. [He is] a [...] wrestler [.]" After this, the insider hung up on us. Regardless, Mr. Jackass assured us, "The Tower Climbin' Jackass is going straight to the top!" The power company was unavailable for comment. |
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