Perry Saturn Y'know, a LOT has been said about me in recent weeks. There's been a lot of murmurs about what I've been saying and what I've been doing. A lot of pundits out there are saying that it's 1997 all over again. That Perry Saturn is on top of not just his game... but on top of THE GAME, PERIOD.

Saturn stops and spins, his back to the ocean.

Perry Saturn Those people are right. You see, right now, this industry is at a crossroads. No -- check that -- it's not at a crossroads. IT'S IN THE DOLDRUMS. IT'S IN THE PITS. PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING IS AT ITS LOWEST MOMENT. And that... THAT, my friends... is why I am back. The white hat has been TORN off. The old Perry Saturn -- the vintage cool cat who did what he wanted WHEN he wanted and made you all pop and mark at every one of his dastardly deeds... the Perry Saturn EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU WANTED TO BE... but never COULD be... is BACK.

Saturn walks some more and comes up to a sandcastle.

Perry Saturn I've made a LOT of money in this sport. That was my MOTIVATION since day one. Make a much money and fuck as many girls as possible. I was here to USE this sport for my greater goals. And I did. I've made movies. I've gone on tour. I've hosted VH-1 retrospectives. I owned beachfront property on the Atlantic, the Pacific, the Indian and the Mediterranean. I've got a lifetime pass for the slopes in Vail and I've been in Vanity Fair and GQ. My blackberry had Paris' cell and Nicole's houseline. When my lear jet needs refueling, I go on my SECOND lear jet. I don't NEED this sport. I don't NEED the UPW.

Saturn crouches down before the sandcastle.

Perry Saturn But I WANT it and CRAVE it. Y'see, I'm here to SAVE THIS LEAGUE and to SAVE THIS SPORT. The motivations for wrestlers has changed a lot over the years. And I'm here to show you MY motivations will win out. I DON'T have a LiveJournal. I have emotional scars from my father's abuse. I DON'T know 55,000 Japanese wrestling holds.

Saturn takes off his shades.

Perry Saturn What I know is that the POWER in this sport has always come from making people WANT to see you perform. From MAKING people give a damn about you... and then beating anyone who dares cross your path. And while everyone else is silent, while everyone else thinks of poetic ways to show the emotional burdens of their childhood... or while everyone else simply RIPS ME OFF... I'll be the person who comes up right to your face and spits in it... simply because I can.

Saturn turns to the ocean.

Perry Saturn It IS like 1997. NO ONE can compete against me. Not on the microphone. Not in the ring. The power of this industry STARTS AND ENDS WITH ME. I am going to SAVE this sport from the no-names who have taken it... from the likes of my opponent's, Edge and Austin Aries, the so-called best wrestler's in the world the self proclaimed FUTRE who, curiously, has NO idea how to make ANYONE want to watch them in the ring... and it starts HERE again in the UPW. The UPW XXX-Tra Title will be around my waist come the conclusion of ST. VALENTINES DAY MASSACRE. And, once again... I CALL THE SHOTS..... I AM YOUR KING..... And the world...

Saturn kicks the sandcastle.

Perry Saturn IS MY CASTLE.

Perry Saturn continues his beachside saunter. .