Super Mario Brothers Movie Review
This Ain't No Game.
So sayeth the tag line for this 1993 bomb based on the most played, most famous video game of all time. Super Mario Bros.
The tag line actually hit the nail on the head. The storyline did not follow the game if little AT ALL. It seems like the directors took the Super Mario Bros. name, created a different storyline surrounding it, and just slapped Mario and Luigi into it. I could go on and on about how the movie went against the game, and I will with this review.
From the beginning, the movie goes against the game. Here is the Super Mario Bros. story set in the real world narrated by Mario Mario himself (Bob Hoskins): About 65 million years ago, an asteroid smashed into the Earth killing the dinosaurs. But WAIT! They didn't actually kill them. Instead, the asteroid smashed created a portal to another dimension. A dimension where over millions of years, the dinosaurs evolved. They turned into humans and had human traits mixed with dinosaur traits. They live in an alternate dimension ruled by an evil king named Koopa. Koopa has had enough of his world and wants to rule the real world. And he can with a special rock worn by a girl named Daisy (Samatha Manthis). So, the search for Daisy begins.
Meanwhile, in the real world, in Brooklyn, New York, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario (John Legwizamo) are two poor, plumbers. Their Mario Plumbing buisness is in the gutters thanks to a ruthless, heartless, corporate buissnessman named Scapelli (Gianni Russo). One day, Scapelli's construction workers are stopped by a group of protesters lead by Daisy. Luigi falls for Daisy and he and Mario stop Scapelli's men from building on an old fossil site.
That night, Mario and Luigi take Daisy and Mario's girlfriend, Angelica (Desiree Marie Valez) on a date where Daisy talks about the rock around her neck she has never taken off. After the date, Angelica is kidnapped by Koopa's bumbling assistants, Iggy (Fisher Stevens) and Spike (Richard Edson). Daisy is also kidnapped and taken to the alternate dinosaur dimension where Mario and Luigi soon follow.
The Mario Bros. aren't Super yet but are arrested by King Koopa (Dennis Hopkins) who reveals his plan of merging the worlds to rule them both.
Then a bunch of stuff happens and we meet Yoshi, Koopa's girlfriend and the racoon wings. The mushrooms are in this.
Then at the end, the Super Mario Bros. are borned as they take down Koopa and save both worlds. The End. Thank God.
I was 5 years old when I first saw this movie. The hype for this movie was HUGE. Apparently, the target audience for this flick was anybody BUT the people who actually played the game. I was disappointed and I could not even read yet. That is just the perfect example of this movie disappointing those who were fans of the game.
Many video game movies bomb like Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat: Anihlation, Double Dragons. Some however have suceeded like Mortal Kombat, Pokemon: The First Movie, and Tomb Raider. The thing these movies had in common were that the movies FOLLOWED the game storylines. Street Fighter was pretty bad, but the characters dressed the way they did in the game. Mortal Kombat did a GREAT job of following the games true storyline. Super Mario Bros. did not follow the heart of the game at all. Never. Not once.
Koopa is not human but a giant dinosaur. The goombas are not half dinosaur/half human creatures but small mushrooms. Yoshi is not brown. The princesses name is not Daisy, its Peach. Bertha is a fish, not a fat black girl. And who the hell is Spike, Iggy, and Jimmy? The only thing that stayed true to the game was the bah-bombs and that is not saying much.
Bottom Line: Don't ever see this movie. Ever. Ever. It is so bad that even John Legwizamo himself hates it. Nintendo should be embarrased of this flick like all video game fans are. It is good to make fun of but that is all its usefulness.
So I give this movie *1/2. And on the scale of whether this movie deserves to be riff by Mystery Science Theater 3000, I say "Yes. It would be interesting to see them mock this."
A short review for a bad flick.
Feedback is welcome thank you very much.
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