These are some things I got from a friend, their sorta like guidelines. The paper says to keep looking at these as a reality check for yourself.
1. Stay in touch w/yourself. Stop to think and listen to your
instincts.
Avoid becoming so "caught up" in the relationship that you fail
to evaluate
it clearly.
2. The more dependent you tend to be, the slower and more
cautiosly you need
to respond.
3. Demand to be treated w/respect and honesty from the outset.
Their
response is significant.
4 Don't blame yourself if they don't prove trustworthy.
5. Commit w/caution, watching for balance in your levels of
commitment.
6. Avoid idealizing. Recognize your partner's true weakness.
7. Look closely at your partner's relationship history. Do not
overlook
problems, as they may form a pattern. Be careful w/those who
easily explain
away a negative problem.
8. Watch follow-through as a sign of sincerity, even on "little
things."
9. Watch for appropriate acceptance of responsibility for
mistakes.
10. Watch for signs of control in minor decisions, such as where
you will eat
or video rentals.
11. Watch for over-assurances of trust.
12. Be careful w/those who are either highly opinionated or
unopinionated.
13. Look for consistency in what you hear them say and what
they do.
14. Note their method of conflict resolution. Do they avoid
problems, or
short-cut solutions? Do they listen well? Do they use unfair
tactics to win
an argument or wear you down?
15. Note their typical defense mechanisms and how they respond
to your
discussion of them.
16. Watch how you are treated publicly. Note also their desire
to isolate
w/you.
17. When there is some level of trust built up, discuss any
wounds from past
relationships or childhood, as well as where they may be in
their healing
process. The best partners are aware of what they bring into a
relationship,
and have made substantial progress in clearing away the past.
