Meanwhile up in West Virginia, I was a wreck.  I would burst into tears with no warning and I could hardly concentrate on my classes.  I pulled away from my friends and retreated into my own little world.  The only person I confided in was Brian and I only went to him because there was no one else to turn to.  Soon he grew tired of hearing about my problems and I began to build my walls.  From behind my walls I could observe life and go about my daily activities without getting emotionally involved.  Once school got out I dove headfirst into my summer long babysitting job hoping to temporarily forget about my best friend’s absence.  I showed up at the Moore’s house every morning at 8:30 hoping to have a good day with the kids.  It was nice for a while, but then the kids starting causing massive amounts of trouble.  Cory (age 8) was the worst.  He would fight with his older brother (KW, age 12) and pick on his little sister (Kylie, age 6) and refused to listen to anything I had to say. The summer was very long for me, and I ended up quitting my job a week early.

*    *    *

I was dreading my senior year going into it.  Since Brian graduated the year before it would be the first time I wouldn’t always have someone waiting in the halls for me.  I needed to find new people to hang out with.  My group would turn out to be some friends who I hadn’t been around much by myself.  Justin and I had some classes together since freshman year, but now we finally had the same lunch period.  There was a whole gang of us who ate lunch together-Justin, Josh, Kala, Malinda, Beth, Shermar, Jeff and me.  We took up a whole table in the gym and it was a blast.  I never had so much fun.  The guys did this thing where they would stuff as much raspberry yogurt into their mouths as humanly possible and then start talking really loudly.  Yogurt would go everywhere, but mostly on them.  It was their trademark move.
 Whenever I see yogurt I think of my boys.  While I had friends in all my classes, Shermar, Kala, Malinda, and me also had Anatomy together. Spending so much time with my friends made my classes seemed like one big party.  I was finally having fun at school.  I was able to enjoy myself and not stress out about the schoolwork.  I still couldn’t get emotionally close to the girls.  I was always thinking of Jessica and felt that if I became really close with them that I would lose my best friend.  Instead I developed insanely close relationships with the guys, especially Justin.  He knew the whole situation that was going on with Jessica, and he was my “girl.”  Whenever I needed a girl’s opinion on something I would go to him. I would take him shopping with me hoping to get advice on various outfits, but he would often just blush and stumble away from answering the question.  The few times I actually received answers they were usually very amusing.  Once I asked what he thought of a shirt I picked out.  His response-“I think it makes your feet look really pretty”- was just what I needed.  He did a lot to help me get through the hard moments and it helped to have someone who cared about me.

Because of everything that had happened with Jessica I once again found a desire in my life for G-d.  I grew up in the church, but I hadn’t been an “active” member in a long time.  Suddenly I was no longer in control and needed help. G-d was there for me and I was able to find peace.  I had gone to a few conferences over the summer and I thought that there was a possibility of the world ending on September 9th.  In addition to the fact that it was going to be 9/9/99 it was the Jewish New Year.  God is on Israel time and it was the beginning of the 7th century.  I thought it would be neat time for the world to end.  I didn’t really believe it was going to happen, but I didn’t want to start stressing out about applying to college if I wasn’t going to be around next year.  On September 10th I decided that I should start the application process.

 I already knew that I was going to apply to The University of Texas, Ohio State University, and West Virginia University.  Growing up in Texas you’re either a UT Longhorn or a Texas A&M Aggie.  IT was a way of life and while I was a Longhorn some of my best friends were Aggies.  I always knew that I wanted to go to UT.  WVU was a safety school and OSU was a school close to home that had a pretty campus.  It was closer to my family than UT is, but when I opened my mailbox and saw the burnt orange UT application package I was thrilled.  I hadn’t requested an application but they sent me one anyway.  I thought they really wanted me to attend their school.  In my head I knew I couldn’t though.  It was just too far away.  I never filled out the UT application because I knew that if I got accepted I would go there and would end up “unhappily ever after.”  I ended up getting accepted to both OSU and WVU but there was no way I was staying in West Virginia for college.  I had grown tired of putting up with the politics that are involved in everyday life.  OSU ended up being the perfect choice.  It was far enough away from home to give me enough space, yet still close enough to go home for the holidays.  My friend’s had already decided where they were going.  Justin was leaving the following summer for the Navy and Joshua was going to Air Force boot camp in Texas.  The rest of our group still had another year to figure out the decisions that would affect the rest of their lives.
 

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