A Women's Random Thoughts
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will
always be
yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it
just
sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your
telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that
you had set
it free...You either married it or gave birth to it.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class
pulls a hamstring.
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down
and forget
where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of candy can make a
woman gain
5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you
don't know what
you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by
then, your
body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing
together and
setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it
shrinks two
sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things
like, "You know,
sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address,
my mother's
maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You
have to be
a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control
pills. She had
14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't
all that
communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,
"Body, how'd
you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?"
Clear as a bell
my body said, "listen witch... do it and die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about
nothing and
then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress
are: eating too
much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That is my
idea of a perfect day.
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody
older than 30
can fit into their stuff.
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your
neck?
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